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Post 300 - Reflections on 2010
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Post 300 - Reflections on 2010 Reflections of 2010, My 300th Post My 300th post seems like a lot but when you consider I’ve been here for well over 7 years, this blog is over 5 years old but there have been many posts lost or deleted, it really isn’t all that many posts. Today was a domestic goddess day for me. I baked cookies with my little one, made home made chili and corn muffins, cleaned my kitchen, took out all the garbage, played Jenga and Bop It with the kiddo, cleaned my fish tank, took care of my dad’s zoo and started putting away the new Christmas clothes and toys in the ’s room. It was a good day and I enjoyed spending the extra time with Lil Bit. Tomorrow we’re going to see the new Narnia movie with some free movie passes my cousin gave me and I have to exchange a present I got. I have her all week and am hoping the weather will warm up so that we can spend some time riding the horses. What I really want is to hear a certain sexy voice telling me how beautiful I am as he slides his huge cock into my wet pussy over and over again but I have to play mommy all week. He has a busy life too, so who knows when I’ll get to see him again. I’m trying not to be a pest and just let him contact me and make the next plans. Yeah, not real easy for me, I’m not shy about chasing down a man when I like him…lol. I was impressed I wasn’t breaking out my rabbit right after I got home…lol…it took a couple of days before I was horny again and had to replay some choice bits from last week. That’s quite an accomplishment for any man to have me so well satisfied that I’m not dying for more. I’d certainly have loved to have had him again but I wasn’t having withdrawals within hours of being apart. As often happens for me, as the year draws to a close I try to look back and put some perspective on the last year of my life. I’m closing some major doors that I should have known better than to open in the first place. I’m sure I put my through some pain that I could have avoided had I not listened to my heart and followed my head instead. On the other hand, I know that I did everything I could to make that dream a reality and it just wasn’t meant to be. I don’t feel like I could have tried any harder, I did all I could and then some. That doesn’t mean I did no wrong, I did and I’m sorry for the pain I caused. I’m stubborn, full of pride and did plenty of stupid things that only prolonged the pain but I can’t undo the past. All I can do is learn from it and move forward, hopefully to a brighter future. I’m hopeful that these closing doors will lead to even better doors opening. For every beginning there was an ending that allowed that beginning to start. I’m about to start a new year and wonder where this year will take me. I’m praying it will be a much better year financially where I don’t have to struggle so hard to make ends meet. A part time job for me would take tons of pressure off of my life. Material things aren’t that important to me. I don’t want expensive cars, big houses or fancy clothes. I just want to be able to take care of the people and animals I love. Experiences, family, my pets, loving and enjoying life, those are the things that mean the most to me. I don’t want to be rich; I’d just like to not have to struggle to keep my power, water and heat on. On a more personal and deeper level, I’m lonely without someone to love. I’ve spent most of my life taking care of other people. I guess the truth is that I’m not an easy person to love in return. I’m brutally honest. I expect tons of communication, openness, honesty and a lot of great sex. I’m very sexual and demand a lot of my partner/s in that regard. I’m bi-sexual and expect my partner to understand and accept that without fail. I don’t detach my emotions from sex well, which makes a relationship with me a bit heavy. I can add other people without attachment if I have a deep connection with my partner but that’s an odd dichotomy for most people. I’m not a jealous person at all but I am demanding of attention and time. I give freely and deeply of myself which is hard for many people to take. I’m extremely self confident, but seek the affirmation of the people I love, very out spoken and yet intensely introverted. I don’t hate anyone in my life. I’m very forgiving but won’t be repeatedly hurt. I’m an intense person. I feel like I’m a better person for the love I’ve given in my life. Even the love that wasn’t returned, that was only given because of lies and untruths spoken for whatever reason. I know I gave that love freely and with my whole heart. More than anything else in my life, this year has taught me that it’s not wrong to love anyone. It’s also taught me or reminded me that my head cannot dictate to my heart. I don’t understand why I love the people I do, in spite of the pain they’ve caused me. I don’t know what makes me fall in love with the men I have but I do know that I don’t regret ever loving anyone. The people I’ve chosen to love, I love forever. They may not be loved in the same way or have an active role in my life ever again but I will always love them and wish them true happiness. Ultimately, loving them was my choice, my decision and I gave that love as a gift of myself. Loving someone doesn’t mean that there’s less of me to give, if anything loving others has made me realize how much more love I have to give. I don’t resent anyone I’ve loved for it not working; I just wish them all the happiness they couldn’t find with me. If it wasn’t returned, or was taken for granted that doesn’t diminish the depth with which it was offered. What I wish for most in life is someone to love with my whole self that will love me back in equal measure. I’m extremely independent and self-sufficient. Being in a relationship for me doesn’t mean that I have to have that special person around me 24/7, in fact in many ways an ideal partner of mine would be equally independent. I’d be good in a relationship where the other person had to travel as long as they were good at maintaining that serious connection when apart and making the most of the time we had together. I’m very good at managing a household, taking care of things and raising without constant support. Would I like someone who was home all the time, yes I’d love it as long as that person was as actively involved in other things, their own interests as I am. I don’t do well with needy, clingy people who need to be up my ass constantly to feel like I love them. I’m a hopeless romantic. I dream about finding that person who is truly willing to love all of me and will let me know and love all of them. I’m selfish and want it all. I won’t settle. I’ve spent my entire life learning to be the best I can be, to be happy on my own and yet the older I get the more I realize I don’t want to be alone. I want to share everything I am with one other person. I crave that connection on a soul deep level. I’m ultimately practical and realistic. I know much of sex; lust and love are simply chemical reactions that we have no control over. Sex is very important to me. It’s one of the few things in life that has always brought me joy. It’s a facet of my life that I’m very comfortable with. I know what I like what I need in that regard and have no issues pursuing who and what I want. I need a strong sexual man in my life on a regular basis. I’m perfectly capable of being loyal and committed to one special someone within the boundaries that we set for our relationship. In fact I’m most satisfied when in a committed but slightly open relationship. I need someone who is as comfortable with their sexuality, as I am with mine, someone willing to build on that foundation with me. In comparison to many here, I’m very vanilla. I love sex. I’m an exhibitionist, and a pleaser. I’m easy to bring to orgasm but that’s a double edged sword in that I expect it to be a regular thing. My fondest sex is one on one with someone I can laugh with, joke with, and connect with intellectually and emotionally. Although I’m strongly bi-sexual and extremely attracted to women, I need a man more than a woman. A bi-gf is dessert for me while the man in my life is what feeds me daily and keeps me alive. I weigh the consequences of every decision I make. I’m fiercely loyal and take my commitments seriously. If I agree to do something I will go to absurd lengths to stand by my word. I’m a life long learner and strive to gain more knowledge about any and every subject that interests me. Most of all I strive to understand myself and others around me, to be a better parent, a better person, a better woman and to find my purpose in life. I want to make a difference in the world around me. If that’s only as a good parent then so be it, but surely there’s some other reason I’m here. Perhaps it’s only to love the people in my life, I don’t know and it’s very frustrating to me to feel like I’m floundering around in my life. I spent so many years working to attain my degree to work as a teacher to reach out to the I taught and now I’m back to the drawing board looking for my niche in life again. I’m an oddity in that I take good care of myself. I’m a woman in every way. My skin is soft and smooth because I take care to moisturize and shave regularly. I can’t stand to have rough skin, hairy legs or pussy. My nails and toes are painted and pretty. My eyebrows are nicely shaped. I don’t wear a lot of make up but when I do it’s well done. However, with all of that, I’m not high maintenance. I can’t remember the last time I had a manicure or pedicure. My nails are my own and I paint and take care of them myself. If I get my haircut every 3 months it’s a lot. I color my own hair and pluck my own eyebrows. I don’t mind getting dirty and doing work in the yard or on the farm. I secretly hate to have to have make up on everyday. I think a man should be able to see my beauty with out make up. I don’t think I’m beautiful but I sure love hearing a man tell me he finds me beautiful or sexy. I know I’m attractive, a decent looking woman, in good shape for my age and that I’m sexy. However, I think that most of my sex appeal is because I’m confident and comfortable in my own skin. I’m not conceded but I often exude sexy appeal. I know that there are millions of women out there much better looking than I am. It takes a special man to appreciate the total package that is me. I firmly believe that we are largely responsible for creating our own reality. We can make changes to make our lives better. I’m sure that there are things I need to change, to do to make my life better. I’m not sure what they are but I’m working to figure them out. I’m constantly trying to remind myself to be grateful for what I have and to give back to those less fortunate in anyway I can. So where is this year going to take me? What do I need to change to make my life better? How do I attract the things and people I want into my life? I want to thank all of you here. You have no idea how much strength and love I draw from the community of friends I have found here. Your support and feedback mean so much to me. Here I’ve found so many like minded people to share so much of myself with. My blog is a haven for me to express myself and feel like I’m accepted. I can’t afford to go to a therapist any more; this is my therapy, my self-expression and exploration. This blog is also my way of reaching out and<b> making new friends. </font></b>I’m so very thankful for the friends I have here. I wish you all a very Happy New Year. So many of us are struggling with real life, and I hope it’s a better year for us all! Big hugs my sexy friends! Take care and love each other well! Love, LeeAnn  Kisses, LA    |
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Very sexy photo. Kisses
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12/30/2010 1:25 am |
LeeAnn...congrats on your 300th post! I didn't realize how long I've been away until I started reading and catching up with you! So glad to have run across you on another blog...I've missed you my friend! I hope 2011 brings good things for all of us. The struggle gets really hard sometimes....but I'm still alive to tell the tale as the old saying goes lol. Butterflies are free ~~ so am I.
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Congrats on your 300th post.  You and I have a lot of very similar outlooks on a lot of different issues ... I just now learned that  I hope that things get better for you financially and that 2011 brings you a year with many new experiences and very few regrets The most important thing you can wear is the expression on your face!   
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Well grrl, Not much I can say, but that I am glad to find another woman willing to be honest with her voyage. You are a wonderful person in all respects, and it is my pleasure in knowing you. A very happy and healthy new year! Ur.Grrl.CC 
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12/27/2010 1:29 pm |
Incredible 300th post and even more special with that fantastic photo. I wish you a wonderful healthy and happy new year.
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Awwww...I must be special, because I appreciate the total package that is you... Of course, I'd lke to appreciate you with less than 9 area codes in between...  Merry Christams and Happy New Year LeeAnn. LT
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Congrats on #300, LeeAnn! I wish you much love, peace, health, happiness and success in 2011! Heck, I wish it for all of us! If I have stopped by your blog, please be sure to sign my permission slip Pimp Me, Pimp My Blog, But Let Me Do The Same With You 
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Congrats on #300. (deleted the previous attempt, I made a formatting error) Lots here, I'll try to delve in and give a few thoughts... I’m about to start a new year and wonder where this year will take me. I’m praying it will be a much better year financially where I don’t have to struggle so hard to make ends meet. A part time job for me would take tons of pressure off of my life. Same boat for me, as you know. It's funny, the new year is strictly on the calendar, nothing really changes, but at the same time, it is a good chance to take stock, look inward, and see what we can change, and hope for external change, too. I know that I am. I hope that 2011 is a better year for both of us. On a more personal and deeper level, I’m lonely without someone to love. You know, it takes a lot to say that. These days, the in thing is to talk about how independent we are, how we don't need anybody. I see the dating sites, and if I could have a nickel for every lady who said "I don't need a man", I'd be rich. Okay, maybe we don't NEED someone else, but it sure feels good when we do have them, doesn't it? I miss that, it's been years and years for me. It's leaving a hole inside of me, really. I’m bi-sexual and expect my partner to understand and accept that without fail. I've always wondered how that would work, in a case where there was monogamy. As a guy, I admit, the idea of my female lover also loving to get it on with another female is HOT. But, if I were to reach the point of monogamy with my lover, we'd have to address how it would work with her and females. Would she have free reign, or would it be that we'd discuss her female-female relationships? Or would I be included (evil grin)? I firmly believe that we are largely responsible for creating our own reality. We can make changes to make our lives better. I’m sure that there are things I need to change, to do to make my life better. I’m not sure what they are but I’m working to figure them out. I’m constantly trying to remind myself to be grateful for what I have and to give back to those less fortunate in anyway I can. So where is this year going to take me? What do I need to change to make my life better? How do I attract the things and people I want into my life? Very introspective. I like that. I too am thinking about what I need to do to put myself in a better situation. I've fallen pretty far down the hole, so it's going to take a lot of climbing for me, I think...but I have to make a plan to get back above ground. My blog is a haven for me to express myself and feel like I’m accepted. I can’t afford to go to a therapist any more; this is my therapy, my self-expression and exploration. This blog is also my way of reaching out and making new friends. I’m so very thankful for the friends I have here. I wish you all a very Happy New Year. So many of us are struggling with real life, and I hope it’s a better year for us all! Big hugs my sexy friends! I've always laughed that my blog is my therapy. I do think my ability to spill it here helps. It's not terribly positive, but being able to put my feelings into words has helped a lot. As you know, we're all human here, and I like that as opposed to the vanilla dating sites. Over there, it seems we all have to pretend to be perfect. If someone can handle my shortcomings, my flaws, my weaknesses, I feel we're a much better match. That way...no surprises down the road. I hope it's a better year for all of us.
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