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Don't Bruise the Melons & Other Fucked Up Friday Rambles
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Don't Bruise the Melons & Other Fucked Up Friday Rambles Don’t Mark the Melons Please and other fucked up Friday Rambles. I’ve debated and pondered about whether to actually post this. In the end I feel like it’s one of those posts that is about me writing the good, the bad and the ugly. Something along the vein of being honest about who we truly are and not all encounter and decisions being good ones. There have been a lot of posts about whether or not we accurately portray ourselves and it’s true that we don’t always share the hard stuff or the not so erotic stories. None of us always admit to our mistakes. I have always asserted that this is my therapy and that means the ugly truth needs to take its place with the highs spots. I can’t learn from my mistakes and make better choices by pretending that I don’t make them. My 1st week of training for the new job is over and went really well. The last class today turned out to be a great class and will probably wind up being one of my favorites b/c of the small size and great dynamics with the . I truly think I’m going to love this job once I get into the flow of things. Next week I’ll train Monday and Tuesday, teach both my classes under observation on Wednesday, then on my own the last 2 days. I’m excited, nervous about the observations and getting the timing right but convinced I can do this well. A very nice job perk I found about yesterday is that Lil Bit can attend the program for free. Unfortunately, that requires some hoop jumping for her, us and the program but I thin we’ve got it worked out. SS & I had dinner last night after I called to remind him that Lil Bit had a parent/teacher conference this morning and we realized we were talking to each other on the phone standing in the same Barnes & Noble. It was pretty funny. Anyway, I enjoyed getting to sit down and talk to him without our favorite little nosy butt interrupting or constraining the conversation. We’ve always been able to talk about anything and share some good times. It’s good to be friends with the person you share the responsibility of parenting with. Don’t go getting any ideas, we aren’t ever going to be anything other than friends but that’s a hell of a lot better than what most divorced people can say. We used to meet regularly to discuss things without her but since I moved it hasn’t happened much. We had her teacher conference this morning and got her report card. She had two 100’s and the rest were all very high 90’s. She also brought up all her behavior and conduct grades. Her reading level is way above grade level, as are all her standard test scores and her teacher has seen some marked improvement in her mouth and behavior. I’m really very proud of her for doing so well and making the improvements we’ve asked her to. We requested she be tested for the gifted program, and discussed her entering this drama program once a week with her teacher and the principal since this will require her to be checked out early every Friday in order to go with me. I really think she will love this and flourish with it but we will see. The new job requires me to wear black pants daily so I took the opportunity to return a jacket that didn’t fit and exchange it for some pants. My sainted ex-mother-in-law still gets me Christmas gifts. I love her dearly, still call her mom and miss having them for great in-laws. SS’s parents are the normal, loving, healthy parents I never had. Anyway, his mom bought me a gorgeous jacket but it was way too small for my boobs to fit in…lol…I took it back and got store credit. Today, I finally had time to shop for some things with that. I needed more black pants since I don’t have nearly enough to wear them everyday of the week. As I stood in a Marshall’s dressing room, in the harsh and unforgiving fluorescent light I was simultaneously overjoyed and repulsed by what looked back at me in the mirror. On the overjoyed side, I slide my once size 14 ass and thighs effortlessly into several size 8 pants! Holy fucking shit! I haven’t been a size 8 in almost 10 years! I’m back down to hovering at the 131-130 lbs mark. I’m elated to have dropped so many pants sizes and thrilled to be getting back into shape. I got 2 pairs of pants, a shirt for work and a pretty new bra and panty set for the price of my jacket. Now for the repulsed part, my tits hurt after what I saw today. In the last pics I posted, a blog buddy pointed out a couple of bruises I had. I had noticed them too. No big deal, I have always bruised easily and I didn’t think much of it, until today. The largest one is a perfect circle high on my chest and I’m certain it came from riding horses several times in the last few weeks. I remember getting that one b/c I dropped my reins or<b> riding crop </font></b>and banged my chest hard against the saddle horn. I remember saying that was going to leave a mark. I don’t’ think all of the bruises came from riding, although I wish I could claim that. Actually, I remember getting them all. The smaller one that is visible in those pics is most probably a thumb or finger print. What I didn’t realize is that both of my tits look like green polka dotted smashed melons. I have huge bruises on the undersides of both boobs and a few others on the tops. When I lifted my arms to try on a bra I literally gasped at the ugly green marks all over my otherwise favorite body part. I unashamedly love tits, including my own. Although I like my nipples pulled, pinched, bitten and handled roughly during sex, the evidence that I let someone be way too heavy handed made me feel a bit sick to my stomach. I’m not going to blame the guy who left the marks b/c I didn’t’ say anything (ouch, stop, that hurts) until it was too late. I knew I was going to have some bruises, just surprised they took this long to show. I’m not going to use the excuse of I was drunk and didn’t feel the pain as much, although that is true. I knew better and should have heeded the signs that this guy was going to be rougher than what I like. I should not have drank so much and stopped long before I got the number and severity of bruises I still have well over a week later. The fact that I didn’t see them until now isn’t any better. I’m not going to say much about the encounter other than to say it during my looking for a new boy toy to fill in when my favorite Viking isn’t available. No, it was not my favorite Viking, he is a gentle giant and although I’d love to be in his arms, part of me is grateful that I don’t have to explain this to him. Of course knowing my luck he’ll decide to start reading my blog now and decide I’m out of control or a sick bitch and drop me like a hot potato. That would be just my luck. Funny thing is my Viking is a much bigger, strong more powerful guy. I’d almost understand it better if he’d left the bruises but I’m the one who left my thumb prints on his arms the last 2 times we were together. I was holding onto his arms so hard when I came he had my thumbprints for days. No I’m disgusted with myself because I let this guy push the envelope well beyond what I should have without stopping him. Sometimes I guess I need an ugly wake-up call to step back and evaluate what I’m doing. Sex that leaves me bruised for over a week isn’t good sex. Not to mention that the guy isn’t exactly Mr. Congeniality calling or being cordial. Obviously, I won’t be going back again. In fact, in light of this and other assholes, which I’m not going to elaborate on, I’ve decided to stop the search for a boy toy. It’s not worth the hassle or problems. I’ll just enjoy my Viking when I’m lucky enough to have him and count myself lucky. With the new job, I need to focus on that and home anyway, so it’s a good excuse to step out of the rat race for a bit. Things like this force me to examine my growth from an abused and young woman into what I generally think of as a healthy mature woman. This begs the question of how capable I am of setting the boundaries I need to sometimes. Obviously in this case I didn’t explain or set the limit I needed to and that bothers me. I’m a very independent person and I rarely want to view myself as weak in anyway. The fact is that I’m barely over 5 feet tall, only weigh 130 lbs, have chronic neck and back problems and could easily be hurt by someone who isn’t listening or adhering to the limits I set. I’ve had several chats with guys that I refused to meet recently because they just would not accept the limits I set. When I met my Viking, he was pretty hard on me about me getting in his truck with him so soon after meeting him, bringing him home, and going out of state with him. I very seriously told him that I trusted my intuitions about people and I stand by that. In the big picture I was very safe, with the person in question, we met in public first and I followed him back to where we were hanging out, there were other people in the house, of course we used protection. The Viking & I joked about him being a serial killer and those kinds of sick jokes that my fucked up sense of humor find. Today, that wasn’t funny anymore. Not because I have any doubts about him. I know he’s a great guy and would take a bullet before he let anyone hurt me or hurt me himself. Looking in the mirror today shocked me into realizing that no thrill is worth that. So I’m stepping back for a bit. I’m not going to beat myself up about this too much and frankly I’d appreciate it if you didn’t either. We all make mistakes and in the grand scheme of things this isn’t a big deal. I could just as easily have gotten these bruises from riding the horses and playing with my dogs but I know I didn’t. I might as well have put them there myself and that means it’s time to take better care of myself. Playtime is over now, it’s time to get back to reality and go back to being a responsible adult again. I miss having a regular playmate like I did when MM was still in the picture or even Sgt Sugar but that just isn’t in the cards right now. I have incredible sex with my Viking and I’m going to enjoy that and be thankful. My favorite Viking is still away working his ass off to try to get his house ready to sell. I was really hoping to log some sheet time with him before next week but at this point I’ll just be happy if we can have next weekend together. I’m free next weekend and really hope to enjoy it with him. As he’s so fond of saying, I really like him, I really like him a lot, and this is a dangerous attraction. No, not dangerous in the sense of anyone getting hurt. The mutual attraction is dangerous in the sense of one or both of us getting emotionally involved when we’ve been warned not to. I need to see if I can handle the infrequent visits for the short term without running to occupy myself with a boy toy. I guess in some ways MM was right about me going overboard. After giving up what I wanted for 4 years to try to make things work out with him, I figured I was entitled to my dive into self indulgence. He sure as hell wasn’t’ going to indulge me but that’s no excuse either. Speak of the devil and he shall call. He actually called me last week to apologize for his last tirade. My phone just rang and it was MM. Not sure if he just wants to gloat about the new love in his life and how seamlessly she seems to be fitting in or what. It was short and sweet. I can’t trust him on any level and can’t sustain any real contact with him. Just one more example of doing a better job of protecting myself, with him it’s an emotional and psychological protection. So I’ve had my fun and now I’m getting back into reality. New Year, new job, new opportunity to share something special with someone very special and I need to focus on those things. I hope that I haven’t screwed anything up with my Viking. Hope you all have a great weekend. Thank you all so much for lending me your support on shifting gears for the new job. The love and friendship I find here are invaluable to me and I mean it when I say I love you all dearly. I couldn’t stay nearly as sane as I am without the friends and connections I have here. Take care and love each other well. Kisses, LeeAnn Kisses, LA    |
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Glad your new job is going well. Kisses
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I bruise really easily so getting bruised during sex is pretty normal for me, but usually on the thighs from my partner holding my legs. I have been with partners who are too rough and even asking them to tame it down, I've still gotten bruised. So even if you had asked him to go easier on you, it might have been too late, just saying. Try not to beat yourself up any more than you already are! LOL I was posting about my sex injury at the same time you were writing this. Strange coincidence, huh? ***
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Hey grrl, I hope your coming down is a soft landing...lol...'cause I sure know what that feels like. Glad the job is going well, and Don't worry too much about being mis-treated, I know you enough to know you are not gonna stand for anything that could knock you off the track. CC Ur.Grrl.CC 
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Hey we all make mistakes, go to far, or let someone else go to far now and then. As long as we are willing to learn from it there is no reason to beat ourselves up about it.  These bruises will fade. And if all else fails I'd be happy to give you a nice gentle booby message (I hope that wasn't ill timed flirty humor on my part).Since I haven't been following your blog for all that long. I learned a lot about you from this post. Which only raised my opinion of you even higher. Sometimes we need to vent like this, it's good for the soul. Congrats on the weight loss. Size 14 to an 8 that's awesome. You deserve some naked booby kisses for that.  
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PurplePeach72 replies on 1/8/2011 12:46 am: Kisses Fen, Yep I'm purging alright...lol...gotta get it out of my system. Pain isn't my thing at all. Ok, I like a little hair pulling, a good bite, an ass smack but any real pain. I didn't set my limits well apparently. This post was all about owning my mistake and not repeating it. Being a better person is the ultimate goal! Viking is a great guy and a treasure I'm hoping to keep around for a good long time in whatever capacity I can get him. His job makes him a bit unavailable but I'm hoping I can wait that out til it settles down a bit. You Nordic Knights are quite appealing to us southern belles...lmao...yeah right like I'm anyone's idea of a southern belle. Belle from Hell maybe. Kisses, LeeAnn Kisses back! You know me a girl from hell is a neighbor. Sapere aude, cor ad cor loquitur. RaMbLiNgS oF a LoSt MiNd
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LeeAnn I have got scratches down my back. Even on my ass. I did not feel them to the next day LOL This is not meant to offend any one in any way.     
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Great post. Open, honest and heartfelt. I am happy that you are choosing to take better care of YOU. That is not always an easy thing for us women to do. BehindMyBlues
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well im glad u did post that blog,, why werent u gonna post?
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Wow such a long post... Purge your brain when you can. I have been with several women who bruise easily like you do. If a little pain is your thing then that's cool but if it's not you need to set your limits. There is no problem having rules for your encounters. Viking sounds like a real kind of guy like the rest of us Nordic men. He tackles his problems, fights fiercely for what he believes is right and protects the ones he cares about. A true treasure. Recognizing your mistakes is half the way to fixing them. Good on ya for owning them. Your a better person for it.  Sapere aude, cor ad cor loquitur. RaMbLiNgS oF a LoSt MiNd
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1/7/2011 9:57 pm |
Awesome post LeeAnn and I hope your weekend is a great one! [post 977684] [post 1673788] [post 1567265] [post 2508587] [post 2511504] [post 2589132] Are You Ready For........[post 2587359] Check it out & particpate!! The BHL Blog Interviews...[post 2597695] The BHL Blog Index.......[post 2594103]     
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I never beat myself up. Off maybe but not up.... I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm living So different now from what it seemed Now life has killed the dream I dreamed RAInBow
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