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Have you ever TRIED to relax ? It is a paradox
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Have you ever TRIED to relax ? It is a paradox People ask me all the time "Why do they call you 40Deuce" and I always say "how did you get in my house ?!" . Trust me that joke just keeps getting funnier . Point is yesterday I read an article about the 40 things you're doing that are wasting your money and I only did one of them - having cable/satellite/whatever instead of just watching everything online . That's more or less a valid point , paying for TV is basically a rip-off at this point but I don't see myself getting rid of it any time soon . You should see the way the young folk look at me when they find out I still watch TV like our primitive screwhead ancestors . You'd think I farted on the Mona Lisa . Not the painting , like I dug up the body of the chick and farted on it . Which I did . Anyway , that's why I'm called 40Deuce by some .  One time there was this movie see ? And in this movie there was a "sex scene" wherein the characters had sex , the actors were just acting though . Like they do in softcore porn . Technically it was a montage I suppose , they showed missionary , so called "doggie" style , 69ing , cowgirl , and piledriver . Aside from piledriver pretty standard stuff , no big whoop . What was interesting to me thought was hearing one of my friends describe this scene to his wife - how it was the WILDEST CRAZIEST stuff you only ever seen in porn . At the time I thought "man this dude must have some boring sex with this wife if he thinks that's freaky" but the other day I remembered how I was mocking the lady who said that she felt gangbangs were "mainstream now" and I wondered if it was the same thing . Maybe I'm the weirdo for thinking that "everyone" has done doggie style . You just never know you know ?  I've decided that people need to start worrying about moon gluten . I feel like there's money to be made there . You did know that 40% of our grain is grown on the moon now didn't you ? The high photon flux means plants grow better in space so long as you remove the ethylene which is easy these days . And that number is only going to keep increasing , Forbes estimates it will probably hit 80% (the theoretical cap based on the CSELL model which I feel is accurate) by 2035 . If you want to be healthy you need to go moon gluten free now . I used to do baking competitions all the time at work because I quit because I hate everyone there . They had one today and people kept pressuring me to participate . So I frosted a cake-shaped throw pillow and brought that in . Which I admit is a bit I stole from that show with Reah Remini and Kevin James . You wouldn't know it based in his terrible movies by Kevin James has a pretty funny stand-up act . Anyway , everyone laughed their asses off when they tried to cut it so my displeasure didn't really land I guess . Hardly anything does these days . I just read a book that was ostensibly about the dangers of surveillance in our modern technological era but the only thing about it that really struck a chord with me was that the underlying aspect of it was the tyranny of niceness that I feel like is becoming a real problem . And this isn't just me being crazy , I've heard this from many other people . Such as , a lady of my acquaintance told me how at work if a customer brings her candy because she was nice to them she has to share it with everyone because otherwise they complain to HR . What kind of kindergarten bullshit is that ? If you want to share your stuff with everyone , cool great , you get a gold star for sharing , but you don't have to give anyone anything if you don't want to is my feeling . You know what ? I don't like some people (a lot of people) and I'm not going to pretend I give a shit about their feelings . If they cry themselves to sleep because I bought pizza for the people I actually like GOOD - fuck you crybaby your tears are sweet as candy to me . "How would you feel if I bought pizza and did give you any ?" they whine at me . And to that I say something in the vein of "I wouldn't eat anything you brought me , I would slap it out of your hand and spit on it because I DON'T LIKE YOU . I don't want food your filthy cocksucker hands have been on , I want you to get rectal cancer and die ." And that's my right as an American . I don't believe in much that America stands for , but I believe in that .  Speaking of America I was chatting with the sexy Jehovah's Witnesses again the other day and I occurred me how funny it is that America proclaims itself to be a Christian Nation when the values most associated with America are axiomatically anti-Christian . Such as the pursuit of money when the Bible recommends austerity and sharing . Such as freedom when the Bible suggests submission to god's Will . Such as love of violence when the Bible proposes peace and forgiveness . Its weird how religion is one of those things where you can just say whatever you want to believe is what it is . Its similar to the phenomena I've always found interesting where people say that a movie , book , poem , song , whatever is about something and the creator of that thing says "No , its about this instead" and the people don't change their mind . They're all like (snort) "You think you can decide what something YOU created is about ? Smarten up pal ."  People are funny like that . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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I have patients that bring me "thank you" gifts occasionally. My boss informed me that I MUST share with my coworkers. I complied but inside my head I was thinking "Why? They didn't do anything to deserve it" Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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Thanks for reminding me that whenever I succeed in making you my personal love slave, I need to get you to bake delicious desserts for me. Mmmmmmmm.  
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