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I'll buttfuck you the right way baby
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I'll buttfuck you the right way baby With respect Remember when He-Man kicked Evil-Lyn in the pussy and then quipped "A bird in the hand is worth two in the BUSH" . We all had a good laugh but it doesn't really make sense . It's a good line for He-Man because he's a moron anyway so it's amazing that he came up with a pun at all but for it to really hand he she have kicked her with both feet (that's called a dropkick in the biz) or kicked her twice or something . I mean just saying something that has the word "bush" in it when you kick a lady in the sniz isn't in and of itself a good quip .  And the last flickers of light quietly trickled out of the mind’s eye , as the sun retreated over yon mountain range , just above the pine-encircled pond Ralph Todd Montgomery tossed and turned inside his sleeping pouch , which he picked up back East at Fort Hutchison , Kansas , along The Great Western Trail. It was a fair trade – six potatoes for a Safari hat and a sleeping pouch . It was hard to part ways with his beloved potatoes , as they had provided him much needed companionship during this hazardous adventure . However , the promise of his betrothed , lying in wait for him in San Francisco made it all the more easy to let go of the potatoes . He had corresponded with her for the last year by wire , telegrams and text messages , and she had mentioned her unique culinary cooking skills, promised a nice , hot , big warm meal of stew , beef , onions , tomatoes, steak , and something she called Grey Goose Sauce . And now , under the Colorado sky , young Ralph’s mind floated to the thoughts of the life which awaits him with the woman he knows only as Skimpy . His trusted , Loco Weed , rested quietly near the fire . After these many weeks of hard riding , he has proved himself to be a most reliable friend to Ralph . It is why , on this particular evening , Ralph has rewarded Loco Weed with a delicacy not easily found in these parts of the wild continent : a Panchero’s burrito , full of fixings . Ralph lets Loco Weed enjoy his much deserved dinner , and slowly drifts to the land of nod. The photograph of Skimpy came over the wire at the local telegraph office on State Street , back home in Dearborn , Michigan . Ralph was taken by her striking eyes . Yes , indeed , Cousin Joseph was right ! The woman who had mended his leg after his cross-country flight to San Francisco was , as promised , sweet on the eyes ! As succulent as Aunt Jane’s famous sweet potato pie . Ralph made the decision to trek out west after corresponding with Skimpy for just a fortnight . However , he had to save up his pesos and get all his affairs in order , before he could begin his journey . There was just something about that Skimpy that made him tingle in his britches . The incessant sexting on her part didn’t help that at all , either . Ralph could not WAIT to get to San Francisco and try her Grey Goose Sauce ! If you know what I mean . Mounting his reliable steed , Ralph was off bright and early under the Colorado morning sun . As he rode into Denver , he decided to stop at the local saloon to retie his stirrups and grab a Fresca . Denver was also one of the few places out in the Wild Frontier that had cell phone coverage , due to the antennas mounted on the tall office buildings . Hoping for a message from San Francisco , Ralph was somewhat disappointed to find no one had called or texted . He then returned to Drippers’ Tap , the saloon on McDermott Road , and ordered a whiskey : XXX . A few minutes passed before a beautiful , red-headed lassie , in her ruffled Victorian dress took a seat next to Ralph . “My , my , my , what have we here ? A nice , big , strong , sexy man from out East ? Where do you come from , stranger ? My name is Anna – Anna Belle .” Ralph was not accustomed to beautiful women just walking up to him in the saloon , and he was caught off-guard . At first he stumbled over his words , just trying to make small talk ; but after his second and third and ninth whiskey , the words were flowing out of his mouth like a river . They talked and talked , and Ralph forgot all about there being no text messages or voicemails from Skimpy. At first he didn’t notice her hand on his leg , but as it ever so slowly traveled up his thigh , he became more aware of the all-familiar tingling in his britches . Anna Belle leaned in and whispered in his ear , “hey big boy , wanna go upstairs ? I’ve got a waterbed with our names on it .” Well , by this point , Ralph was three sheets to the wind and easily honored her request to go up to the waterbed . It was like nothing that Ralph had ever experienced in his life. Anne Belle was very knowledgable and she knew exactly how to push Ralph’s buttons . Ralph tried his best to keep up with he r, but she was mostly in charge for the duration . After Anna Bella brought Ralph to his breaking-point , they lay there on the bed , enjoying the remaining motion in the ocean while staring up at the ceiling . Back in the Drippers’ Tap , barkeep Ed knew the drill all-too-well . He knew Anna Belle's ways of flattery and seduction . Indeed , he had succumb to them many-a-time himself . As he continued to pour his world famous whiskey cider to his patrons , he looked up and saw Ralph descending the stairs , albeit it shakily . Ralph , his face gleaning with sweat , weak at the knees , slowly made his way back to the bar with a wide grin on his face . A few moments later , Anna Belle came walking down the stairs , still buckling the straps to her dress and pulling her long red hair back . A look of satisfaction beamed from her face as she took a seat next to Ralph at the bar . It was precisely at this moment that Anna Belle's father, local Sheriff Andrew Griffith , walked into the bar – asking who’s big black steed was parked outside of the Drippers’ Tap with a cell phone message from San Francisco Ralph snapped back into reality immediately when the sheriff mentioned the cell phone message . “Skimpy !”, He whispered to himself. How could he have forgotten about his precious Skimpy ? “Who in tarnation would be leavin’ you messages from San Francisco ?” Asked Anna Belle , still clueless to Ralph’s true intentions for heading west . “Well , um , I have business in San Francisco. Pharmaceutical business , yeah . . . ”, he trailed off as he slipped off the bar stool and headed out to his mighty black steed to listen to his message . His hands shook as he entered in his voicemail password , and his stomach churned and tied in knots . “Hello my dearest Ralph ! I apologize for failing to keep in touch the last couple days , but I fell ill and thought for sure I was on my death bed . My family even called in a man of the cloth to give me my last rites . But miraculously , I have mended ! I can’t wait for you to get here so I can hold you in my arms and love you forever . Be careful riding over those mountains in Colorado , it is getting late in the season , and you could get caught in a terrible snow storm . I wish you well my love , please hurry to me !” Ralph felt all warm and happy inside as soon as he heard Skimpy’s voice . . . but that soon faded when he remembered what had just happened upstairs on that glorious waterbed . He had really gotten himself in a pickle here . But , he knew what he had to do . He’d made a promise to Skimpy, he had to go tell Anna Belle goodbye, and be on his way . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Yup Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Awesome time mixing there, my friend. I actually just finished one of those "odyssey" Westerns, a book called News of the World. It was excellent, check it out if you get a chance.   
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I wanna read the next installment on the series. Next week?
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