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Peace With Yourself
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Peace With Yourself Recently when I asked myself what I really wanted, I realized it was to feel inner peace, to be able to appreciate all that I have in my life right now without having to plan the next big thing.Right now instead of setting goals to be more and have more, I am focusing on contentment.I went in search of my missing inner peace and discovered five surprising new rules for life. RULE 1 DITCH THE "I'LL BE HAPPY WHEN" GOALS. I was shocked to discover how much my life had been focused on the future.It's all because of biology.Apparently some primeval instinct on our brain uses negative feelings, such as fear, to prompt us to take action to ensure survival, driving us to search for possessions and accomplishments. It's called the hedonic treadmill.With practice we can train our brains to get off the treadmill. Studies suggest that for lasting happiness we do need long-term goals, but they must be interesting to work on and make use of our strengths and abilities. When we delay happiness until we are thin/rich/successful, we put our life and our sense of fulfillment on hold.The goals we set ourselves must be ones we will enjoy engaging with on a daily basis.Instead of writing a book, I will simply enjoy writing my blog.This distinction means enjoying the journey rather than obsessing about the destination.My blog enhances my life on a daily basis. It feels good and I feel happier. RULE 2 SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR FRIENDS. Reading all the recent happiness research made me realize that I try too hard. When scientists studied the top ten per cent of 'very happy' people. they were the ones who spent the least time alone and the most time socialising. RULE 3 JUST BE - SAD, MAD OR MISERABLE I have made the surprising discovery that I don't have to be happy to be peaceful. I realized that one of my major obstacles to peaceful living was my belief that life should be happy/good.pleasant.In my effort to be queen of positive thinking, I had been trained to frame my thoughts and experienced so that I could feel good whenever I wanted. But it didn't make me feel happy or peaceful.It made me feel guilty about being sad or angry in the first place. For me, true peace now means surrendering to both the negative and the positive points in my day., knowing its OK to feel a rainbow of emotions.These feelings pass like waves. I have learnt that intense feelings come and then they go.The trick is, as the Buddhists tell us, not to attach to them or resist them. My mission has been to embrace the good, bad and ugly parts of my day and not to examine any of it with a magnifying glass. 'This too shall pass' is my new<b> mantra </font></b>and it's very soothing. RULE 4 LEARN TO LIVE WITH ODD SOCKS. The road to inner peace is far more about self-acceptance than self-improvement.I now know that there are some details in life that simply don't matter to me.Things I think I should care about but actually you don't. When you start to let go of these 'shoulds' there is a lot less noise in your head, which leaves you free to figure out what you really want to do with your time and energy. RULE 5 FIND YOUR FLOW Studies show that we are most at peace when we are doing what we most like to do.Psychologists from the University of Chicago studied thousands of people for more than 30 years to discover what makes our lives meaningful and satisfying and used their research to write a book identifying the concept of flow .Flow is being absorbed in what you're doing and experiencing a feeling of transcendence over the mundanities of life. Any activity can lead to flow - playing a game. listening to music, riding a motorbike. We can all find our own flow - as long as we don't waste our time pleasing others, putting our lives on hold or filing them with lists of 'shoulds'.Sometimes we have to buckle down and be there for others, but don't let 'sometimes' become 'always', or resentment will eat away at your inner peace until you are left with a rotten core. Have I found my missing peace? Life certainly feels easier.The more accepting I am of the good, bad and ugly parts of myself and life, the more peaceful I feel.I've been having more fun doing things that absorb me or excite me, right now, right here.My emphasis now is on making a big leap in thinking.  |
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10/8/2007 5:44 am |
Excellent post honey - a lot of truth and a whole lot of food for thought about how we ruin our present wishing our futures away and wishing we were "better" people. Acceptance is a goal and this is a HUGE forward stride. Well done  xoxooxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo
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Hi alphuct Thanks for the compliment. Maybe you can share some of those thoughts with me here. It is always nice to have a chat about posts  xxxx
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Awwww thanks babe You know your opinion means a lot to me.It is nice for me to have these moments of clarity and real insight. I ponder a lot of things a lot of the time and I am finally reaching some conclusions. It is leading me to be more content and at peace. We only have the now and we should live every moment and live in the present as you say. I have learnt a lot lately and I am actively seeking pleasures for the first time in my life. I am glad that all my hard work and struggles are paying off in these forward strides at last.  Thanks for the lovely commentxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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10/8/2007 9:24 am |
Thankyou! I've been learning this lately through a program I'm in and various places. It was nice to have it reaffirmed. Although it is hard to spend time with friends as so many are so far away.  
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Hello again Edadian Awwww so nice to be thanked so kindly.I just got told I inspired someone and it has made me well up with emotion. I never thought I could talk to folks this way and speak to their inner selves. It is an amazing thing. I am very glad I reaffirmed this for you by my blog post. Well you can spend time with friends and also remember.. the best friend you can ever have is sitting right there - yourself.You will always have your own self for company. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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This, I should try to apply. Through my whole life, I've struggled with depression. It's been a tug of war. I thought I found some inner peace recently, but I can sense it's starting to slip. Either inner peace doesn't last forever, or maybe it wasn't peace to begin with. The hardest part about depression is, when you come down, you come down hard. Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?
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Hi Nick So sorry to hear about your struggle with depression. It can be a hard thing to beat I understand. I wish you nothing but love and the very best of luck with tackling this painful issue. For what it is worth, you have a friend here. Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Hello longhair Well thank you for thinking my post interesting. It is more common than you think to not have any long term goals so don't think anything bad about yourself. I have never been the type to have dreams. Unlike my friends I didnt dream of finding the perfect guy or having kids or getting married,there wasn't a million different countries I wanted to visit or a job I was dying to have.I'm just learning now to have wants and dreams. My eyes have been opened now. Maybe that's the case with you. You are so right. One can't be happy all the time and life is not perfect. We just have to make the best of it we can.There are a lot of things in my life that are not ideal But I try to take something good for myself out of every day however small - a nice meal, a good book, a hot bath.... Your last point is right. I am finally finding myself and it has been quite a revelation. It was not until I saw myself through another's eyes that I realised so many positive things about myself.Someone who believed in me finally came along and it made the world of difference to me. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Why thanks Okie xxxxxxxxxxxx
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Hi again Astarte Thank you for the lovely compliment. It is comforting to me to discover that other people find my posts interesting too.I hope that you find some sort of inner contentment soon.We all deserve that and find it in our own way. You are the second person to tell me that I have been an inspiration and I am very flattered that my little blog has had such big effects.I try to make this corner of the net a place where people can think and be postive and it is lovely to know that I have achieved my goal. I will be happy to compile you a list of my research material. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Hi Lissa Thanks for the compliment xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Very intersting Rev, I'll have to keep them in mind. Stop by my blog and say hello [blog veroxxxfun]
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Vero Hi gain... Thanks for the compliment xxxxxxxxxx
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Hey Colu Lovely to hear from you again. Yes I am finally giving myself the break I deserve and it feels wonderful. Tomorrow I am going to visit some new places in London if the weather holds up.. Thank you. xxxx
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