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| Blogs > rm_bonogirl1 > Enigma |
But i dont wannnnnnna....
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But i dont wannnnnnna.... OMG...i think i got caught up..almost with all your blogs..hehe...thats a first.And i love the way that you guys think... In my last post i was talking about<b> polyamory... </font></b>and i dont know that i said what i was trying to say the right way...so i gotta try to explain it right..hehehe... I know this is A.F.F....and its a swingers site. And im not talking about swinging or swapping or meet and greets.I was talking about a buddy...i'll call her Jay.Jay and Diane are in a relationship. And Diane was married...she wanted both Jay and her husband and actually the freedom to fuck who ever she wanted to,regardless of what Jay or the hubby thought.After a few months her hubby left because he thought that since they were married and trying to start a family--that Diane should give up all the other people that she wanted to have either sex or a relationship with,she didnt agree,so they parted.And they'd been married for a few years before Jay even came into the picture. And ive read a lot of blogs where there are the primary lover..the secondary lover..the third one the lovers' lovers...i just dont know how that you could possibly care and love that many people at one time. When i was married..back in the year or two that was semi good...the husb tried to get me to try a swap.This was way before computers..and he'd get these swap mags with local couples with their pics and contact info..all that good shit.And i turned that down because i wasnt into that.He got pissed off but i wasnt about to be pushed into fucking someone whom i didnt even know...or that i wanted to fuck in the first place.After awhile...he even quit having sex with me at all...so maybe thats in the back of my mind and makes me thnk the way that i do. But at the same time...im kinda old fashioned in a lot of ways and its just not for me PERSONALLY.I dont mean to say that if anyone else has that life style that its wrong...whatever gets ya through ya know...i was just saying that it wasnt for me.... and that some of these people(not at A.F.F.)irk the shit outta me...lol And like i said last time too...if i were dating and not serious with someone...id probably date a few guys til i found the one that i wanted to be with.I just couldnt be with two or three different people in a loving relationship.. I still dont know if that came out right and shit im tired of talking about it..hehe...so ill stay quiet bout that from now on... God im still craving chocolate and i cant have any yet...i figure that if i lose a few pounds that it will help with my blood pressure.When me and the Bf broke up about 18 months ago for a few months.. i was soooo hurt and upset that i literally got sick to my stomach and i couldnt eat.I lost 40 lbs in about 2 months..but i was miserable and was also drinking then.But when we got back together.. it was like i gained back 30 of those lbs and im not real happy with that..lol.I told him that i was going to break up with him again...that maybe that would make me not eat again!Ahh,,,but i cant do that to myself..was way too unhealthy for me at the time.But i just was thinking that id i did lose 20 or so that it would help my BP and my energy levels too.... Sooo i have this big bowl of fruit that i cut up.. bananas,apples,pineapple..grapes...thats gonna be my diet for today i think.Lucky i like fruit and veggies...hehe I was reading Lissa's blog--shes addictive--and i love it when she puts her play list there..she has some awesome music taste...then i get all these songs that she has there..in MY head and it not only happened once..but TWICE today.First time was Korn and the second one was NIN.I cant believe i turned down that concert last time NIN was in PGH. But i remember when i lived in Texas a few years ago....god was the music there shitty.I lived bout an hour from Houston and there were only a few of the stations that werent country or latin or pop. And there really was only ONE that was awesome and it was KLOL.When i moved--they were in the middle of going latin.I heard someone on one of the radio stations saying this,"I cant believe that PITTSBURGH was voted the number one town for indie alternative rock"..making fun of Pgh big time.I tried to call them and i couldnt get through...so i sent an email telling them that i was from the PGH area and that if the few Houston stations that i could hear were any indication....Houston SUCKS! Soooo...now that ive been back to pa for a few years i have to say that PGH radio basically sucks anymore.There was one station that played good shit all day...anywhere from Chevelle..Breaking Benjamin(LOVE THEM hehe)to Ozzy...Cinderalla..ACDC Audioslave and all my grunge music...to WASP..slayer..pantera...NIN...HIM...i mean they just had an awesome playlist and now they just are pop and shitty as hell.If anyone who reads me and lives near the PGH area...then you know exactly what i mean...hehe Ok...i think im seriously needing help badly!! I usually watch the Food Tv channel before i go to sleep and they have this new show called 2 dudes catering and man oh man...they got the long hair that i crave,,,cant member which one is which but i like the darker curlier haired one...lol. methinks maybe i should have taken the whole Xanax pic...NOT a guy...getting tired of looking at them my own self....lol love ya guys...  She's Dangerous cause she's Honest-(U2) |
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I will try and make my thoughts as simple as possible... I have love for one and lust for many... Does that make since??? I will not let my heart get tugged in two seperate directions. It is all about trust and communication... Hugs!!! Hoosier.  +  = 
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