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A Christmas Poem
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A Christmas Poem 'Twas the night before Christmas, and god it was neat. The were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook. It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Mama in her teddy, and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite. And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. ”Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.” ”Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree. Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.” They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied its bladder. I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore. He looked like a bum and he smelled like a . ”That was some brothel” he said with a smile. “The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.” He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink. Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee. The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. The first thing he found was a pair of false tits. The next was a handgun with a penis that spits. A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, and a six pack of panties, the<b> edible </font></b>kind. A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention. A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil. A dildo so long, it lay in a coil. ”This stuff ain't for , Mrs. Santa will shit. So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split.” He filled every stocking and then took his leave, with one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead. Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead. In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch. “Take me home, Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!” The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, “The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!” ~ Patience, Passion, and Pleasure ~  "The older the buck, the stiffer the horn." One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. |
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i must say poor mrs claus will only get to enjoy that butt plug and not the other toys he left but then again santa being hung to almost his knee may be the only toy she needs!!!! this version of up on the housetop is the best i have heard yet...........annette
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12/15/2008 1:49 pm |
That is one very Merry Christmas Poem..
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wait....omg i don't know my christman stories lol i mean the night before christmas yes i am blonde lol
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12/16/2008 3:21 am |
DEar Sir Did make me smile....tgankyou...so what about the Easter bunny?? xxx
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12/22/2008 10:43 pm |
Ah dear. Love you heaps (Aussie for lots n lots) but nope!  Do NOT mess with Santa! Too many kiddies. Not enough joy. Yes yes I know it is a sex site but gheez a woman can feel mushy can't she?  Life is measured by the number of time’s one’s soul is stirred. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
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