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How to create a mutually satisfying fantasy
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How to create a mutually satisfying fantasy I have a fantasy about a schoolgirl being spanked or caned over a desk by an authority figure such as a headmaster. But I ran into a problem with a man who has experienced being caned at school in real life. Unfortunately my fantasy simply reminds him of an unpleasant and in his words 'violent' experience. He does not enjoy the image of somebody being caned over the headmaster's desk. The memories evoked are a distraction from an erotic image or conversation. So how can I adapt my fantasy to suit him? Changed Fantasy I've thought of a few ideas. Runaway caught on train. Summerhouse in woods. Ruler or otk instead of cane. I also have my limits. Anything too violent or dangerous or involving too much in the way of restraint evokes images of sickness and misery and real life danger, whether medieval or modern. That sends me into flight mode. I don't stay in a story about submitting to a superior being. I'm imagining a scene about a prisoner trying to escape. I'm into 'How do I get out of here? Away from this person?' Or I'm moved into nurse mode - planning taking precautions like a health and safety inspector. Or protective mother role, like I would be with my , or a younger gay person going out to a bar: 'Be careful dear. Mind how your cross the road. Don't let any stranger tie you up.' A fantasy or role play involving standing in a corner doesn't turn me on. To me it is boring. Who wants to look at a blank wall? Not erotic. Everyday Distraction And bent over a chair doesn't do it for me either. With a dining chair I would be totally distracted by worries about breaking the chair. Or falling and hurting myself. With a living room chair I'd be concerned about spoiling the upholstery with body fluids. And damaging the furniture's fabric and wood or leather with a cane. Even thinking about it now, you see, my mind is wandering off the erotic fantasy into this practical distraction. Your Responsibility Have you had a problem where your fantasy evoked the wrong images for the other person? That's why I never feel that the 'you must do anything I say' scenario would ever work for me. I do not feel it is fair to say that to any partner, even and especially when dealing with a submissive. Limits How do you get a person to go along with an erotic conversation, meeting or relationship? A scene has to be fun for both parties. When dealing with a stranger, you don't know their limits. Everybody has things they don't enjoy. If you meet a barrier in their brain, first you have to find the elements they don't like and remove them. Then find the elements they do like. Move the elements and the listener into a new scenario. For variety. Or surprise. Surely what you want outside a scene is for the other person in real life to smile whenever they see you? Depression You don't want the other person to be depressed or even suicidal. A woman who is severely submissive and keen to do anything you want might have serious abuse in her history or have been and you risk triggering off alarm bells. One of my readers says in his profile that he is on anti-depressants. He also says he wants flogging as a catharsis. I start trying to analyze what makes him tick. The solution to his problems in one scene, and the whole of his life. Sometimes the onlooker sees most of the game. The dom may have to be like a real life doctor or headmaster, looking after the psychology of the person in their care. Controlling, caring, healing Your mind and hands can heal. Programming You must also ask yourself how you are programming the other person. If you are with another person 24/7 you could persuade them to never act in the same way with anybody else. But if you are persuading a person to do anything you say, you are exposing them to danger when they deal with other people from this site and in the outside world. You could be healing them. Sending them out confident and happy. Teamwork and Adapting Especially when dealing with switches and submissives, you have to be able to come out of a scene. That includes when it simply isn't working for the other person. Looking at what I've written, so far I've been too negative. Maybe I just need a glass of water. Perhaps I need to use positive words. I have to work on myself the writer. Also on the reader. First please myself, re-reading what I've written and feeling good about it. Then making you happy and confident. This is the trick. To look for all the things which are good. Fun. Things which make the other person say, 'Hm - that sounds fun!' Which implements or toys excite them? Where were their worst and best experiences? The most erotic? What have they not tried? What would they like to try? Profile Clues It's all there in the profile. So all I need to do is read the profile, and put their favourite elements into a fantasy. It's so simple, I can't think why I've never tried that before. But do they really want those listed elements in a whispered fantasy? Oddly enough, I've read lots of profiles in which people say that their fantasies are waterfalls and alleyways but I've never had a phone fantasy about these. Maybe it's because I stop anybody with a sordid scenario. Why haven't I met enough romantics for waterfall fantasies? Or are there not enough people who have actually had romantic encounters at waterfalls? People honeymoon at Niagara. But mostly you are fully clothed or even in protective clothing, surrounded by crowds of people, being moved on by others with cameras. Control in Conversation If you don't have the profile fantasy in front of you on the computer screen when you talk on the phone, or read it before going to a meeting, or written up on a card index card you can read at home, or on the train, then what? Just ask. Who, what, when, where and why. Who are the two characters? 'What are your favourite props?' What is he wearing? What is she wearing? Is it the past or present or future? Should I outline the story passively, or actively? Shall I describe it or act it out? Reported speech or direct speech? Creating and adapting a fantasy is a test of your control over your life, life in general, their life, their fantasy, their relationship with you. Your Fun Feedback and Clever Comments So, over to you. Any comments how to adapt my original scene? Or problems you've had? Did you resolve them? Had any good or bad or changed fantasies for phone sex? And whispered sex for mutual masturbation? And acting out fantasies in role play? Glossary otk over the knee 'Elizabeth'[   |
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