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Bedroom Etiquette - Ask Auntie Elizabeth
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Bedroom Etiquette - Ask Auntie Elizabeth What are the ten rules of bedroom etiquette? 1 Shower before sex. 2In the old days the man slept nearest the door to fight off intruders. 3 The women sleeps nearest the bathroom. She has to go to the bathroom to wash or to insert a Dutch cap. She has to leap up to wash after sex. Or to go to the loo to avoid getting honeymoon cystitis. She has shorter legs so she gets the nearest bathroom. He can have the one down the corridor since he is less likely to be flummoxed on bumping into a stranger whilst in night clothes or naked. 4 He is courting her. So if there are twin beds he goes to her bed. He does not demand that she comes to his bed. Especially if she is shy and unwilling to be seen out of bed. (I know that most people on this site are not shy. But some , single women, or submissives are shy. Also women may be lacking in confidence, worried they are too thin, fat, whatever.) 5 She has the right to say no. At any time. 6 He provides the condoms. A man should always carry condoms just in case. 7 He should dispose of the condoms and the packets. Keep count. If you have used four condoms, you should have four packets. Do not leave your condom behind in somebody's vagina. Do not leave the packet behind in the bed, on the floor or in somebody else's shoes. 8 When in a car have a bag or container for condoms. Do not throw them out of the window. They may not have your name on them. They do contain your DNA. 9 Do not have unprotected sex unless you are prepared to pay for the resulting offspring. Supposing she is in a car accident and the unborn survives and DNA shows it's yours. 10 What is the first thing you do the morning after, before kissing? Clean your teeth. 11 Finally - do not kiss and tell. That's eleven. I'm sure we can find more. 12 Some men think you should let the woman fall asleep first. Especially if you snore. Have you any rules to add? Do any customs very from country to country? Is there anything you'd like to ask? 'Elizabeth'[   |
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Oh, great! Thanks for that. Your TV or his? If it's yours: 1 Keep TV covered with a cloth. Hide the remote. 2 Change channels - or have a porn film loaded and switch to that to get him in the mood again. If it's his place: 1 Open a magazine. Male pin-ups. Read a book you've always wanted to read. Learn Chinese. Write your diary. 2 Talk to a friend on your mobile. An imaginary friend. Tell them about what your new man does in bed. Watches TV. 3 Keep your hand on his vital parts. Give a running commentary on the TV show as if you are fascinated. When he eventually gets interested in you again, say you really want to watch the TV - doesn't he? 4 Snuggle up to him and watch with him. 5 Grin and do a striptease beside the TV. 6 Tell him how wonderful he was in bed. And waht you really like about him. Hard to find anything more interesting than the fact that one is wonderful in bed. 7 Make breakfast. 8 Ask him to mute the TV sound and go to sleep. 'Elizabeth'[
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7/26/2007 7:45 am |
I luv this LIST! Thank you so much for posting it. It is difficult to tell a wonderful lover that you prefer he brush his teeth first thing in the morning before expecting you to deeply kiss him for the next hour. I usually rise just before he does and take care of things in the bathroom, brushing my hair, teeth, some fix-ups and washing. I wouldn't do it any other way. But many men don't seem to want to repay my efforts. a hopeless romantic
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I luv this LIST! Thank you so much for posting it. It is difficult to tell a wonderful lover that you prefer he brush his teeth first thing in the morning before expecting you to deeply kiss him for the next hour. I usually rise just before he does and take care of things in the bathroom, brushing my hair, teeth, some fix-ups and washing. I wouldn't do it any other way. But many men don't seem to want to repay my efforts. 'I'm going to have a quick shower. And clean my teeth. I suggest you do the same. Meet you back here in five minutes? Do you need a towel? Do you need a toothbrush?' 'Elizabeth'[
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Don't try to watch television during sex. It's disrespectful and low-class. Both/All parties should agree before intimacies commence if the guest(s) will leave after the sex or spend the night. This enables the host(s) to ensure there is enough coffee and breakfast items in the morning. Hosts should make sure the bed linens and bathroom towels are fresh. Men should not expect ladies to use their ex-partner's sex toys. It's unhygienic and offensive.
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7/29/2007 3:41 pm |
Don't try to watch television during sex. It's disrespectful and low-class. Both/All parties should agree before intimacies commence if the guest(s) will leave after the sex or spend the night. This enables the host(s) to ensure there is enough coffee and breakfast items in the morning. Hosts should make sure the bed linens and bathroom towels are fresh. Men should not expect ladies to use their ex-partner's sex toys. It's unhygienic and offensive. a hopeless romantic
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Don't try to watch television during sex. It's disrespectful and low-class. Both/All parties should agree before intimacies commence if the guest(s) will leave after the sex or spend the night. This enables the host(s) to ensure there is enough coffee and breakfast items in the morning. Hosts should make sure the bed linens and bathroom towels are fresh. Men should not expect ladies to use their ex-partner's sex toys. It's unhygienic and offensive. Firstly, because you might be looking forward to more sex; Secondly you wonder whether he had expected to stay the night but changed his mind; Thirdly, as you say, you don't want to find that he expects toast when you've cleared all the bread out of the house to satisfy the diet in order to look great for him. Equally, if you have visitors expected at 9 am, and thought he was just going to have a quick cuddle, and you both fell asleep, and he mumbles he's too tired to drive home, and can't find his car keys, underwear and driving glasses next day, where do you hide the half-dressed visitor who is snoring under the duvet or gargling in the bathroom? Sex toys: Yes. Unhygienic. If he's brought a new sex toy and you think it's a gift, then he wraps it up and takes it away, you assume he won't come back. Or will see somebody else before he does? Clearly this is a cheapskate - will he be re-using the condoms next? And you wonder how many other women are in his circuit. 'Elizabeth'[
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