1448 posts 5/22/2007 11:39 am
Last Read:
1/8/2023 2:12 pm
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Say ahhhh...all is not lost
This is me on my summer job ! See attachment ! Yeah,like ...I wish !!! Is a pic of a cock ,on a tray, among some hot dogs and buns , just in case it doesn't get published.This is a good chance to ask you girls, what's most important ? The cock attached to the man or the man attached to the cock ? ( Oi...not the one in the pic,I am talking about any man .And stop dribbling ! ) Does it vary with the mood ? I suppose me with my six and a half inches ( half's count,don't they ? ) better just keep licking and fingering for an hour and hope for the best.Or be thankful of my other qualities ; ) .Look what I just read on my homepage....... A pair of gay flamingos have adopted an abandoned chick, becoming parents after being together for six years, a British conservation organization said Monday. Carlos and Fernando had been desperate to start a family, even chasing other flamingos from their nests to take over their eggs at the Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust (WWT) in Slimbridge near Bristol.!!!!!!!!! What ??? Ok .First say ahhhhh.Now say Ahhhh again.How sweet.Then say what the hell ?I really did not know flamingos were like that. I wonder if they met on the internet.And how they know they gay?I thought they were all pink...! Ha. The other week there was a story about a man who had been made to marry a goat ( after been caught in a compromising position ! ) and how now she died he is looking for a partner.Dunno if he is going to upgrade.I read drink and smoke,it is doing things to my head.I am gonna give it up ! Reading all this rubbish can not be any good for my sanity.Things may not be as bad as I thought on the ...meetings with nice people from here.May be ,in the end,my wish will come true .I have for a long time stopped ''been chosen'' and try to do my own choosing.It might just pay off .House share is not that bad either.That's getting much worst.Most homes have a wash bowl for dishes and a mop bucket for the mop .Yeap.You guessed.We smart in here and using the same one for both !!! I only seen someone,with very tiny brains,obviously,soaking the mop in the wash bowl last nite in the kitchen sink.This morning there were cups in there,in foamy ''clean''water.More of an eau de toilet if you ask me ! Would not even try wash the I don't have in that sink,in case he gets ill,never mind plates and cups.See how a take away becomes a healthy meal all of a sudden ? Bit of paper for a plate and a napkin.Fruit peeled already from the super market,in a plastic tub.Fork included ! Vodka and a smoke at the end ...to kill the germs,from the bottle ,of course...hic. There is other weird stuff going on but I am too much of a gentleman to put it in here.Put it this way.You don't really want to know,it will put you off your food. I know I got to get out of this.Just waiting for the mood to stabilize a bit, in reference to hmm willing to go do some serious work.Only playing at the moment.Well it is summer ! I have much more serious things to do.Like find these real nice girls in here,all 10 of them.Attend to this mono-logue-blog too.Do the research for my project,beach-bum's guide to Greece...Yeah rite... Hope you like the jokes as is three more here ! Byeee
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A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife
Stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed ...Dear Lord ... I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The nextMorning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the ,set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping,then drove home to put away the groceries,paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.Then it was already 1 P.M. And he hurried to make the beds,do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.Ran to the school to pick up the and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the organized to do their homework,then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded Laundry, bathed the , and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said,Lord,I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My , I feel you
have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."
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The baby photographer
The Smiths were unable to conceive , and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr Smith kissed his wife and said "I'm off. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to......" "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two shots in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too.... you can really spread out there!" "Bathtub, living room, floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me!""Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "My, my, that's a lot of...of...!" gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd probably be very disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Oh, don't I just know it!" Mrs. Smith muttered. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures, "This was done on the top of a bus." "Oh my!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well,when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith faintly. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. "Oh Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling; I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your...um...equipment?" "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work" "Tripod???!!" "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold up for very long.......Madam? Madam?... Oh no, she's fainted....!"
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MEN ON LINE
Men Online Hall of Shame
The Player
This guy just sends out messages and chats online practically full time. As soon as he gets you in the sack , he is on to his next conquest. He is slick , I hope you recognize him. In retrospect you are quite relieved you insisted on a condom despite the intense pressure and questionable ' latex allergy ' excuse.
The Instant Relationship Guy
This guy tells you all sorts of bs ...I met you and pulled my profile ... Where have you been all my life ... I want to take you to my business trip to Europe with me ... I am falling for you ... I think you are going to marry me ... You are so amazing , etc etc. Wear hip waders, the shit is deep.
The Liar
Similar to the above guy, but these types are more creative, with a wider range of lies ... they will lie about their age , height (like I would not notice ? ? ) , where they live, marital status, job, whether they smoke or not, whether they have or not, if they are dating someone else, etc. Do not forget the classic ...I will call you . Basically, you can tell if they are lying , their lips are moving. They are the most common type found online.
The Dumb Guy
Poor bastard could not spell if his life depended on it. Too clueless to run spell check on his 5 sentence profile. I like purty gurls. No punctuation. Even misspells his profession , how scary is that ?
The One Good Picture Guy
Just has one good picture from the right angle that makes him look acceptably cute. Does not look like that at all in person. Frustrating when you had agreed to meet him for dinner and it ends up Dutch. He should pay just for the inconvenience of his misrepresentation.
The Ugly Guy That Wants a Supermodel
Annoying , the guy somehow reached 35 not knowing that he is a 4 out of 10. Constantly sends emails and instant messages the hot chicks, the 7 to 10 out of 10. Would never have the courage to approach them out in public, subconsciously knows they are out of his league. WHY dont you want to date me ? Sorry, you are not my type. What is your type ? etc etc. Invariably from Sticksville.
The Intolerant Guy
This guy is abusive if you do not agree with his religious beliefs, etc. or will tell you that you are weird if there is something about you that he does not understand. An insensitive prick. Does not really like women that have opinions , on anything.
The Sketchy Guy
The only thing you find out about this guy is his licence plate number and cel number. You will date this guy quite a few times but will never find out any personal information about the elusive sketchy guy. You will never know his last name, see where he lives, or know where he works. You will never meet any of his friends, coworkers or family. Nothing, nada, zilch, zippo. You will wonder if he did exist at all.
The Retro In A Bad Way Guy
I think it is the moustache from hell. This guy desperately needs a Queer Eye makeover. Has not shopped for new clothes in so long that he is a sad case. Has potential, if you have the patience. I do not. Been there, done that. Bought the tshirt. (well, made him buy it.)
The Bitter Divorced Guy
This guy bitches about his ex, how she spent all his money, he never gets to see his , she cheated, she was such a cow, never gave him a blow job, etc etc. Waiter, bucket full of bitter, please. This guy is devoid of any positive thoughts, and emotionally unavailable. Suitable for dating robots.
The Dad
Unfortunately the only time this guy gets to see his is on the weekends, which coincides with when you want to go out and have a fun date with him. Always says ... my beautiful 4 yr old , etc. Why doesnt anyone ever say, my ugly little brat with behavioural problems . Indulges his childrens every whim because of divorce guilt. Unfortunately the ex does too, and Junior pays the price.
The No Sex Drive Guy
Good sex at first but then loses interest. Forgets to mention that he is now on anti depressants, which has killed his sex drive completely. Do not take it personally , the Limp Noodle is not because of you. Good thing you stumbled upon them in the bathroom cabinet when you were looking for a Qtip.
The Cel Phone/Blackberry Guy
So attached to his device he does not even know how to turn it off. Face has odd green glow from peering over that little screen every time you are not looking, go to the washroom, etc. This shifty eyed techno addict has the attention span of a mosquito. Usually jumpy and hopped up on coffee too.
The Horny Webcam Guy
Very soon into your chat with horny guy, he will suggest that you chat on camera, show you his abs, and ask if you have a camera. Never seems to actually date, always online looking for fresh fantasy material.
The Freaky Foot Fetish Guy
2 seconds into chatting he will ask you what your feet look like. After 2 polite questions feigning interest in your profession/personality/picture, asks if you like your feet worshipped, licked, or covered with cum. A tad too intimate too soon.
Recognize yourself, guys?
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Lets Save A Horse and Ride Each Other,
