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Explaining Our Sexual Exploits To Little Billy Sucked More Than I Thought
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Explaining Our Sexual Exploits To Little Billy Sucked More Than I Thought Boy, oh boy, are something else, aren’t they? My little Billy is no exception and sometimes ya just got to explain to your what Mommy and Daddy do to get their rocks off. He’s getting to that age now where he’s starting to ask questions like “how are babies made?”, “what are those weird noises at night?” and “what are all those cars doing in our driveway every Friday and Saturday night?” It was a hard decision to make, but I figured honesty was important and it was high time for father and to have “The Talk”. I took my boy out for some ice cream, swallowed my nervousness and said, “You see, Billy. Your mother and I are…um…into some very advanced sexual practices…some freaky-deaky shit, ! The kind of shit you only read about in Penthouse Forum, Hustler’s Beaver Hunt and only the most depraved pulp underground swinger’s mags. Then I went on to say that his mother and I swap with lots of folks every weekend in our fully furnished sex dungeon complete with hot tub, mirrored ceilings, disco balls, suspended love swing, spanking rack, nipple clamps, doubledongs, whips, chains, handcuffs, branding irons, and espresso maker. Our sex dungeon is just the basement, but Billy was so freaked out he said he would never even go near the basement door again. Heh, heh heh! Poor little guy! I told Billy about the kind of folks that hang out with us on the weekends as well. They usually tend to be like us, middle to upper class suburbanites. But sometimes we invite midgets, trannies, grannies, prostitutes, dudes in diapers, weathered old nudists with dark, wrinkled Naugahyde skin from a lifetime in the sun, swingers with huge feathered mullets and pinky rings, and sometimes big, fat, hairy<b> homo </font></b>bears with fists the size of catcher’s mitts. Hah! You know what that means! Boy, was it ever hard to explain that daddy can take a whole fist up his poopshoot! Heh! Damn, I think he cried in his ice cream for an hour after that. We also have a state of the art video equipment down there where we can produce our own freaky-ass movies. Like this one time I filmed the missus getting tea bagged by these two dudes. They were dipping them balls all up on her head and her mouth! You should have seen that shit, man! In fact you can on our website! Hah! This other time I was fucking these two midgets, right! Then wouldn’t you know it! I don’t know what got into her mind, but one of them takes a big dump all over my chest! And we got it all on video and posted on our website. Damn! That’s some freaky shit! Literally! Hah! No worries, I didn’t tell all that to little Billy. I almost did, though. I get pretty stoked about this stuff sometimes! Booyeah! But man, let me tell ya. I sure wasn’t stoked to have “The Talk”. I think it traumatized him. He doesn’t come out of his room anymore and he sure don’t look at his dear old dad the same anymore. It kinda made me think. It kinda made me think I should have just explained how babies are made and left out all that other stuff about rimming and bukkake. Heh! Poor funny little guy! Explaining our sexual exploits to little Billy sucked more than I thought. He’ll get over it soon, I hope. I am kinda glad I didn’t tell him his mom can take two fists up her cooter.  |
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I guess all things come to those that wait... the expresso maker was the biggest turn on for me... Reading your blog is an education Atomic.... but why the disco balls? oh well... never mind. ...m.
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5/16/2006 4:01 am |
I hope little Billy can be discreet about all the information you have entrusted him with. It could be problematic if he starts talking about all this with the other school kids or his kinky, perverted, child-abusing 25 year-old nymphomaniac teacher! Oh well! Let's hope not! 
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_____You know, when I laugh and vomit at the same time...it really hurls. Poor kid. (Oh, by the way, Beaver Hunt doesn't have stories, just lots and lots of naked women. Can't believe you didn't do your "research" on that.)
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5/16/2006 8:21 am |
The grow up so fast don't they?
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5/16/2006 8:56 pm |
LMFAO
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Is this a friend of BustyLatinaBlond?
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Lefty and I are like totally with you on this! You just have to tell it to Billy straight up! Just like you did! No KNEE pads???????? It's okay, we'll bring our own. ATB Me and Lefty
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That's not quite the talk I had with my boys,but I quess it will do.
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Well look at it this way, at least Billy will be able to relate to the chick from The DaVinci Code a little. And she's from a pretty repectable lineage, apparently. Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
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5/20/2006 9:33 pm |
hmmm why didn't I think of that with my youngest??
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plenty of glitter and sequins to be had at the senior center crafts table, thats for sure. I tought Edna how to make disco balls out of her boobs.
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OMG hahahaha poor Billy. Traumatized for life. Hysterical. Nothing a little Carvel can't fix though, eh? A
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9/13/2006 8:33 am |
Well, somebody's kids have to pay for a shrinkadink's kids to go to college and Aruba on holidays and all....
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