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My New Diet
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My New Diet I was standing in the checkout lane the other day at the grocery store, with this huge bag of Purina Chow in my cart, when this lady in front of me turns and asks, “Do you have a dog”? I glance down at my cart and think . . . DUH!! My bullshit . . . er . . . I mean my playful and glib side kicked in . . . I gazed casually into her eyes and answered straight faced, “Actually no, this is for me; it’s part of a diet I’m on right now.” She kinda frowns and asks with hesitation, “Really”? “Oh yeah,” I replied acting all serious like, “Haven’t you heard of the Purina Diet”? She shakes her head no, and the look on her face told me I had her hooked . . . now to reel her in. I continued . . . “It’s real easy, I just fill my pockets with kibble in the morning and throughout the day whenever I get hungry I just<b> munch </font></b>on a couple of tasty nuggets to take the edge off. I’ve lost weight both times I’ve been on this diet, It really, really works.” “Is it safe?” she asked. “Most certainly,” I assured her. “I talked to my Dr. about it before starting it, and although he doesn’t advocate it personally, Chow has amino acids and minerals for muscle development, calcium and phosphorous for strong bones, anti-oxidants for a good immune system and all the essential vitamins and nutrients your body and digestive tract needs.” (I had been reading the bag . . . yes, I can read but prefer pictures) By now several others were listening in as I was spreading it on pretty thick . . . I took another breath and went on . . . “I really hesitate to start this diet again”, I said with a little anxiety in my voice, “Both of the other times I was on it I ended up in the emergency room.” “Oh no”, she exclaimed, “I thought you said it was safe.” “Did you get some kind of food poisoning or have an allergic reaction?” she asked. “Nothing like that at all . . . Ya see, the first time I tried this, I was chasing one car down the street bitin’ at the tires and got hit by another car, and the second time I was on this plan, I was at home laying on the couch lickin’ my balls when I fell off and hit my head on the coffee table!” “Jerk!” she snorted, and went to another line. Thanks for taking the time and making the effort. C’ya next time!  H.  MOOD: NEARLY SOBER  |
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11/2/2006 6:10 pm |
 LOVED IT!
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TFF! *** Tears of laughter rolling down her face*** That is so funny! Down Boy! Bad Dog!   Wacky Jacky
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11/3/2006 4:01 am |
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Power To FOK
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11/3/2006 8:35 am |
Just too funny! I think a very devious mind is at play. Lauren
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LMAO! Can you really lick your balls????? (eyes wide open in wonder) 
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11/4/2006 9:03 am |
haha you must be naughty!!!!
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So funny!!!! When my son was a toddler, he and our dog would hide out under his crib, eating milk bones. I never found out until years later when he told me! "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." 
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Dang, that was ME at the store...lmao no it was not, I try not to shop at the Targets down your way... This was awesome Horny, true to your nature, the smart ass gene has to kick in, it's to be expected, and makes for a fun person to hang around! (((softboobyhugs))) Elle
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