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Longing
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Longing I did not plan to write on this anymore, but I just have to post again. I feel so weak, because, damn, I miss him. Isn't that insane? Why? Is this a woman thing? Do men feel this? I am positive he doesn't miss me, I know I am not a priority in his life; I am of no importance at all. If he is the same person discussed in a previous post and comments, I certainly should not miss him. If he does think of me at all, it is purely sexual. I know he can<b> get sex </font></b>anywhere he wants it, I'm not special. He drives me absolutely crazy, yet I miss him. Why is that? Is it all of him that I miss, is it his mind, is it his body, is it the sex, or is it the safety and bliss that I find nestled in the comfort of his strong arms? Do I think I 'need' him because my marriage is really over now? That would be his argument - he always has an argument. I don't think that is it, because in my heart, my marriage has been over for a long time. My ex has even accepted the situation now, and we are at peace with the decision. Why do I mourn the loss of this other person, who made so little effort for me, when I am not mourning the loss of my own marriage, which included a great effort? I am going to be strong and not give in to temptation and contact him. My heart can't take it. I know he is too stubborn, arrogant, and selfish to ever try to contact me to reconcile, and certainly would never seek out my blog to find out my true feelings. I know I will be better off in the long run without him causing me heartache; this will help to sustain me. I am sure I will find someone else that provides me the great sex, and safe arms to snuggle in. I don't think this even requires any romantic feelings. Where are all the nice, intelligent, college educated, tall, handsome, strong, well-endowed (sorry guys, yes, size matters, at least to some extent), generous, adventurous, fun, chivalrous, kind, passionate men? So often, I find someone that meets a few of these criteria, but they are lacking in another area. After meeting many duds and being disappointed, I think I am going to compile a list of "don't" for guys on dates. The first two that come to mind are - Don't chew gum while having sex - BIG turn off; Always pick up the check, I don't care how independent seems, she wants you to (exception might be if she really insists). I actually had a guy pay for the $30 dinner and stick me with a $110 hotel bill! I should have laughed him out of the car! Maybe I should just stick with women for awhile. LOL At least women have the sense to work things out equally. Ok, enough for some music. I'm drawing a blank as to what to post. I don't think I've had enough caffeine yet today. I know I'll think of 3 appropriate things after I post this. For lack of a better choice, here is something that seems appropriate. The only other thing that springs immediately to mind is "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie. Maybe that will be another day. "When You're Gone" Avril Lavigne I always needed time on my own I never thought I'd need you there when I cry And the days feel like years when I'm alone And the bed where you lie is made up on your side When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now [Chorus] When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you When you're gone The face I came to know is missing too When you're gone The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok I miss you I've never felt this way before Everything that I do reminds me of you And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now [Chorus] We were made for each other Out here forever I know we were, yeah All I ever wanted was for you to know Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah [Chorus] |
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