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A Public Service Announcement For Middle Aged Casanovas
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A Public Service Announcement For Middle Aged Casanovas A month or so ago, as shit started to crash down around my ears, I decided I needed something to take the edge off. As this site had become useless for such things, as men would rather jerk off to cams than actually meet a woman for actual sex, I put an ad on the list that is Craig's. Out of about 300 replies, about 150 of them didn't make me want to vomit when I saw their pictures. Then I started weeding some more. Basically, I'm going to have to take those skank lessons that have been offered to me if I'm going to get through the list. But as my need was immediate, I weeded down to a few. Over the course of a certain amount of time, I met these few. Of course, at the same time, I actually met a few from here after god only knows how long. When it rains, it pours. I finally remembered why I've been going for never been married much younger guys the past few years. Middle aged divorced men suck in bed. Guys, remember how your wives were nymphos before you got married and by the time the were born as much as she loved you, she shuddered at your touch and always had an excuse not to have sex? It's because you suck in bed. Seriously, I have never been with men who are so bad in bed as those who are middle aged. You guys weren't crap when I dated my own age when I was in my 20s, so what has happened to you all? OK, actually, I was the lucky one when I was that age. I heard from more than a few women their fiances sucked in bed. But you know, they were in love and they wanted , so they were going to marry him anyway. Because you know, the sex will improve, he'll get better, right? Wrong. Your ex-wives did you a major disservice by marrying you and not insisting you work on your sexual talents. So after a few years, they don't want you to touch them again, ever. You divorce a few years after that and end up here. Now we women on here and other sites have to deal with your lack of sexual talent. How bad are you guys in bed? Well, a while ago, I saw a question in the advice lines, some woman posted that men were writing to her, asking her why she had two clitorises. I viewed the videos in question as I had to see this medical anomaly and I realized... These men are rocket scientists who think the<b> urethra </font></b>is the clitoris. I thought to myself, I'm glad I'm not encountering men that stupid. I spoke too soon. In the past month or so, I have had to show each and every guy over 35 where the clitoris is. They all think it's the<b> urethra. </font></b>No, that is purely for urination. Look, the clitoris is up here. No, that's the side of the labia minora. Let's try this again... Only to be greeted with, "my ex-wife never told me I was in the wrong place." Yeah, your ex-wife either didn't know the first thing about her body, or she had given up on ever getting you trained. If you keep aggravating the<b> urethra </font></b>guys, all you're going to do is give us a bitch of a bladder infection. OK, so you Romeos finally find the clitoris and I jump from shock and surprise. Finally! Oh, but you're all so sexually ignorant, you think that's an orgasm and stop doing the one thing you're finally doing right! No, I'll let you know when you can stop. Look, when you're in bed with a woman, it's time to check your fucking ego at the door. Just because none of your other partners bothered to try to show you what to do, or your wife finally discovered that you were never going to improve in bed and stopped trying does not make you good in bed. You are all substandard in bed. You should all be hit by semis before you can inflict bad sex on another woman. Then there's oral sex. None of you want a woman to come up even for air until you're ready for her to stop. But us? What is with not allowing us to orgasm? What is with this we should be happy with 30 seconds worth, as your tongue is now tired? Since when is a man's orgasm more important than a woman's? Why do you think your orgasm should be my orgasm? Just because you hear a moan, it doesn't mean we're done. Chances are, we're just getting started. Just because I can't cum in less than a minute the way you do doesn't mean I'm defective. Which is another thing you're telling me. Women are defective because we take so long. But that's not all . "OUCH! My tits aren't made of Play-Doh! They are not those Isoflex stress balls." WTF is wrong with you guys that you see a breast and you have to use a fucking vice grip on it? Just because it's big enough to fit in your palm, it doesn't give you the right to squeeze it and try to burst it like an overripe plum. We're talking about delicate tissue under the skin. Bruising of the breasts is not advised by doctors. You are not a mammogram machine, you have no right to try to press my breasts flat, or try to mold them to another shape. I thought mammograms were painful until I met you guys. Seriously, how would you guys like it if I did that to your balls? If you don't want that done to your balls, then don't do it to our tits. No wonder your ex-wives wouldn't let you near them once they had the . They needed those to feed the . They didn't want you pulling them off. Hickeys. Don't even fucking think about it. What are you, 16 years old? You do NOT get to mark me as your territory, especially since this is about just sex. Scratching an itch. I am NOT your property and you have no right to mark me as such. Besides, didn't I already tell you not to bite me, that it hurts? That's another thing. You all seem to be taking out your fucking luggage and issues against your exes against the women you meet online. I am not a bitch, skank, , slut, pig, cunt, etc who needs to be taught a lesson or who needs to be hurt. Just because you have more issues than The New Yorker doesn't mean you get to take them out on me. Nothing is going to cause me to go dry and snap shut faster than being treated like street trash. You were informed of this before we met, too. So stop pulling this shit. And what is with the obsession with anal? My ass is an exit only, no amount of whining, begging, screaming that your ex-wife loved it and you know what you're doing is going to get me to do that for you. I told you I didn't like it before we met. So why are you even trying? Are you 3 years old and mentally handicapped that you can't understand the meaning of the word no? OK, so onto the younger ones. Who once upon a time were better. But I swear to God, if I hear one more time, "does it turn you on to be with a man so much younger?" I'm going to start ripping off balls and shoving them down your throat. You're in your fucking 30s. You are approaching middle age if you're not there already. You're not all that young. Don't flatter yourself. You were in my bed because you were cute and you were nice and interesting enough when we chatted. It has NOTHING to do with your age. Oh, I'm so not exaggerating either. I got that again this weekend in IMs on this site, from someone who went from nice to pushy in one fell swoop. This was from a 38 year old too! Fuck you buddy, I'm all of 8 years older than yourself. Do you consider a 30 year old woman a much younger woman? I'm sure you don't. He was not very happy when I said, "Jesus fucking Christ, get the hell over yourself. You're 38 years old, you're not young and you're older than I prefer." He left me alone after that. Are there no men left in the NYC area who don't have issues that I'm in no mood to deal with? Are you all so damaged by porn that you think that's the norm? Porn is fantasy, not reality. Women don't orgasm with just one touch anywhere but porn movies. We're not defective, your perception of what sex should be is defective. You all need a good sexual surrogate and a few manuals. OK, I'm done ranting for the moment. For the moment. Next time? We'll be talking about men and condoms. |
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Ann, have you fucked my husband? Your decription sure fits .. Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.
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6/10/2007 7:37 pm |
Yeah guys ...memorise this : Her clitoris is my best friend. Now say it 100 times.  Ok Miss Annie? My blog is a free-fire zone. Come armed with a sense of humor 
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6/10/2007 7:46 pm |
One of the funniest blogs I have read on here. You should think about doing some writting for a living. Even my boyfriend was howling next to me reading it. He does know where the clit is, and how to treat it!! Might have to put your blog on my watch list. Thanks for the laugh. Bug P.S... This is her boyfriend. Glad to see a Jersey girl speaking her mind...not that I've ever seen one NOT speak her mind! lol. Jersey born and bred here - keep up the good work!
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Funny and sad! But the truth is many people are bad at dancing too, and the way to improve is practice with a good teacher. You have to check your ego at the door and be willing to learn and listen to find out what works...
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6/11/2007 8:16 pm |
i know.. i know for sure you are right about the younger man thing. i captured one of my own and hold him hostage in my bedroom now. he doesn't need to go practice or waste his talents on younger women anymore cuz the little slut has it down Cold! and i'm keeping him!
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Holly hell I have slept with that man a time or ten. Great post. So true. Donna Someday is today.
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6/12/2007 6:47 am |
I trust that this isnt one of the Ramenist Articles of Faith  My blog is a free-fire zone. Come armed with a sense of humor
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You can find fucktards at any age so why slander middle aged men? Blame the poor school system that does not teach anything important!
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6/12/2007 8:46 am |
I so wish we could just tag somebody with a sign or a blinking button so the next woman could have a heads up (no pun intended) and vice versa...
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As ever, a great rant.  Just on the oral sex thing, I won't claim an encyclopedic knowledge of women but I will just say there's a lot of variation in what you all look like down there and, ummmm, when you're giving oral sex you can't actually see what you're doing either. A little bit of prompting is always helpful.  Up, down, left, right... hmmmm, those last two can be problematic too. Do you mean your left or my left?Trust me, if a guy hits the right spot the first moment of the first time you're in bed together, that's not skill. That's dumb luck.
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Of course, you could try a roll in the hay with GI Joe. Becuase he doesn't have a penis he's had to perfect his oral sex skills! And he's an action figure in the sack!
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that was awesome... and so very true... i swear i was holding my boobs when you said the boobage thing..it hurts..lol She's Dangerous cause she's Honest-(U2)
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6/13/2007 6:48 am |
lol! now THAT is hysterical!  the post, not your predicament of course and one would think that finding Mr. Rightnow would be a lot easier than that eh?...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!... 
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Wow! I guess I lucked out... found him right here in Blogland too!!! sorceror07 is amazing!!! He knows his way around a woman's body and the kitchen!
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Some are naturals and some men are trainable... See my blog about training a man like a dolphin...
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omg! this is your best post yet! i loved it!!!!! omg! i laughed sooo hard i cried! i really think you were talking about my ex husband!!!! lol and quite a few other guys i know! lol! *high five* you go girl! tell em' how it is! i loved it! lol! ..just join me on my blog bustybettyboop and still looking for some hot,sexy,creative contestants for my next contest...come join us! need a blog mentor or want to be one? 
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6/15/2007 3:37 pm |
Wow! I guess I lucked out... found him right here in Blogland too!!! sorceror07 is amazing!!! He knows his way around a woman's body and the kitchen! MissAnnThrope replies on 6/14/2007 4:06 pm: Careful. We ladies might start insisting you rent him out. ---------------------------------------------------------- hey wait a minute!! lets get a few things clear... 1. i cook, but hate to clean 2. i don't cook low carb, low fat OR low cholesterol, partaking of the Heavy Metal Chef's cooking IS hazerdous to your health, but it's soooooooooo good 3. if i cook, you clean.... (don't worry, i'm a very neat orderly chef and clean as i go for the most part... hehe!) 4. if you want me to cook... make sure your sink is clear and counter tops free of clutter. 5. i choose what i'm cooking... the menu IS NOT up for debate (trust me, you'll like it hehe!) 6. i don't cook vegitarian either... water is never used: wine, broth or stock only!!! gee, i hope renting me out is profitible under these circumstances ...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...
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Too funny! I wish you better luck in the future!
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6/15/2007 5:41 pm |
OMG!! This rant is awesome!!! Ya know though, I have to say, it may be a more east coast then west coast thing. lol. Although, some of my best 'friends' are relocated eastern boys.  I know a New Yorker who was one of the best kissers I've ever met. Later! {=} ~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~
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6/17/2007 7:53 pm |
Ditto, baby.
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Quality sex or its absence, can be found with persons of any age... Don't be ageist!
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I can make a woman flop around like a fish out of water, orgasm after orgasm, and have her tell me she's never had a lover so good. I do the same thing with another woman, and she gets no pleasure from it whatsoever. It takes some time to learn to know each other. I find that many women, especially the first time we're in bed, will not tell me, or show me, what they want. I'm expected to read their minds, like some romance novel hero, and instinctively know exactly how to push her hot buttons. I should know that she likes her nipples pinched, when another wants only the lightest of touches. I should know that direct stimulation of her clit is necessary, when another is so sensitive that she wants touching only of the hood. She won't tell me that she has learned over 20 years that only a certain position works for her - sometimes even if asked. Sexual pleasure is a two way street, and women are capable of being incredibly bad at it as well as men. I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man. - Winston Churchill
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