Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > myelin36 > Dirty Little Secrets |
Being The
|
Being The Who is the other woman? It could be a co-worker, a friend, a student. It could be a neighbor. It could be you. It was me. Who signs up for this? Apart from maybe a professional escort, no one aspires to be the other woman. Sure, in the heat of things, an affair with a married guy can be several things: intriguing, thrilling, seductive, passionate and fun. But on the flip side it is also ego-bruising, disappointing and heart-breaking. There is the stigma associated with being the other woman. The guilt- "I'm a homewrecker! He has ." The lies: he promised he was leaving his wife. Not to mention the loneliness from being sidelined on every major holiday. Valentines Day is the absolute worst because I know he will be spending it with her. So why do women even consider stepping out with a married guy when the odds of getting a Mrs. or even a Girlfriend title are about as likely as scoring a date with Channing Tatum? Is it possible that being the Other Woman has some perks, however fleeting they may be? I know this sounds awful but years ago when I made my intentions known to a certain married professor, it was a conscious choice. I knew the risks involved. At that time, the idea of being involved with a married man satisfied a need for freedom and independence. I was attending graduate school and I preferred not having the obligations associated with a full-time relationship. Let’s not forget the hot sex. Illicit passion can be as intoxicating as 180-proof alcohol. I remember the first time he kissed me. It sent an electric shock throughout my body. All I could think was "THIS IS SO WRONG!" yet every cell in my body was screaming, "I DON'T CARE!" I held out for over a year without becoming physically intimate with him. I was terrified of falling in love. Problem is, emotionally I was already there. You’re dealing with this oxytocin rush and before you know it, you’re imagining yourself walking down the aisle with this guy who’s already walked down the aisle with someone else. I kept reminding myself, "I don't need him. I don't need him." Problem is, all of a sudden you do. Breaking away from this type of toxic relationship has been literally a nightmare. It is almost more difficult than getting off heroin. Trust me. It's been six years since we've slept together and I constantly battle resurging feelings every now and then. Even when I quit corresponding with him, there's always that lingering feeling..that lingering kernel of hope. Falling for an unavailable man has hindered my own ability to move forward and find a healthy relationship. There's always that lingering doubt that hangs over me like a grey cloud. Writing this blog has been somewhat cathartic. I know there are other women out there who are silently suffering with the impact of being the other woman. I certainly am not proud of my past but I hope to find eventual healing and resolution. In the end, I've come to realize that to some extent, we are all somewhat broken.  |
||||
|
The only relationship I had with a married man, was life's way of teaching me to never say never. I said I would never date a married man. I was dating a single man for 2 years, when he went to his home country and married his HS sweethearts. I already loved him. She wasn't even in the same country as us. It was my stuff in his home, and it was I that knew his friends. Life really finds a way to shut us up. After that, any other time I have seen myself involved with a married man, it has never been a relationship. I have not made myself more than physically available. And I don't feel like a home wrecker. I do not seek married men. And it is not I who has to honor a vow. It's a very complicated subject. The struggles we face, can leave us damaged or make us stronger. But regardless, they help shape us. I like who I am.
| |||
|
I've been the other man. I knew it was stupid every step of the way. Never again. And for 11 years, I've kept that promise. Smart as a horse and hung like Einstein.
| |||
|
amazing how much i learn about women from blogs! Thanks ducks! 
| |||
|
My dear myelin36 once again you have made me pause and re-evaluate myself. I openly admit that I am a married man on Adult Dating zone and I hope I am sufficiently honest to keep the hearts of my dear friends here unbroken. Yet you make me wonder if honesty is enough. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
| |||
|
Amen! We all have different reasons for the different types of relationships that we have throughout our lives. I think the most important thing is to be honest and realistic with ourselves and each other so that no one gets disappointed or mislead. Unfortunately the heart doesn't understand realistic very well. You know about self-image, self-esteem etc. You might try forgiving yourself. We all make mistakes. But the past is the past, Learn from it and let it go. Vive La Difference
| |||
|
You are not alone, nor is your situation uniquely feminine. I've been the other man. I've been the cuckold. I've been a heel. I go into an extramarital fling with my eyes open and my options intact. When I was having some trouble wrestling with and coming to terms with all those things, a friend of mine summed it up pretty well for me. She said, "Recreational sex is just sex, no more, no less. Keeping emotion out of it can be difficult for some. Just think of it as a recreational event like skiing or bowling. Have a good time, wash up, go home, and forget about it." I asked her if she had experience with that. "More than you will ever know."
| |||
|
Quoting myelin36: I guess the lingering question that remains is, why are some women completely capable of turning off the emotional aspect of intercourse? Are these women damaged, too? Is it a protective defense mechanism to be able to perform sexually without the powerful emotion associated with lovemaking? I'm not sure that anyone is completely capable of turning off their emotions in that way. Emotions might be repressed, but there is still some pain felt somewhere. Sadly my personal experience is that heartbreak need not involve intercourse, or even physical presence, or even the pretext of a relationship. The heart wants what the heart wants, never mind how the wanting came to be. Sometimes the heart wants something that is unavailable. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
| |||
|
But being the other woman is exciting right?? I read something on the 13th that I'd never seen before. The article proclaimed the date as “Mistress Day” - the day before VD when all those other women get their attention.  Back and Just In Time for the Snow Too Movies, Movies, and an Early Valentine Shot Too, on HNW DAMN Straight Girl [post 3312759] My Private Blog – Tell me All your Secrets
|
Become a member to create a blog
