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Tiger Jokes (The Big List)
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Tiger Jokes (The Big List) A combination of all the tiger jokes i have been sent over the past few weeks - some good some bad some really bad What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They've both been clubbed by a Norwegian. (Note from the editor: Technically, Elin is a Swede. But it still works!) Tiger's new movie is out: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant. It Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly� but put me down for a 5." 3. Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one. 4. What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards��.. 5. What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went<b> clubbing. </font></b>6. Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn�t decide between a wood and an iron. Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger! About Golf: What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows. Warning: They are spicy ! Woods: A big Tiger knocked-out by a little pussy ! Tiger: This time, it will be hard to get out of the woods ! Tiger: Please stick to the small hard ones. The large soft ones are W-A-Y too expensive ! Tiger's wife now has her own endorsement with her club of choice - PING! Tiger's wife used a 5 iron on his Escalade not knowing a 3 wood would cause more damage. Elin's excuse? She had to play a bad lie. New board game: Pin the Tail on the Tiger Breaking News. Doctors at the hospital report finding an imprint of a 7 iron up side Tiger's head. Must have been leaning on the glass when the blond broke the window out. Does anybody but me find it interesting that if she was in the car why wasn't she hurt or if she was in the car how did she get out and couldn't she get him out without breaking a window. Or if she wasn't in the car how did she manage to be the first on the scene at the neighbors house at 2:45 AM. And how do you have a wreck and get hurt that bad and not deploy the airbag. I still believe some of the injuries sustained might have been from a 7 iron that she may have caught a little thin or maybe fat. I bet she was aiming right at the lipstick stain. Their neighbor hears the wreck and comes outside finds the Panther on the ground and in that amount of time she has managed to hear the wreck and find the car and to break the glass and get him out and he is laying on the road and she was the first at the scene . If he is worth one billion dollars that means the blond is worth at least $500,000,000. That will make Kobe's $3,000,000 ring look pretty paltry. I'd say she has him right by the ying yang with a down hill putt that breaks slightly to the right. Unless he wants to declare domestic violence, because he got caught running around. I bet that old won't hunt. I also hope that little romp in the hay was worth $500,000,000. Tiger, five words of advice, "Keep it in your pants". I wonder which ball he will play with now. No help from his caddie here. we now see that tiger woods drives very well on the fairway but doesnt fare very well on the driveway What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They've both been clubbed by a Norwegian. Whats the difference between a golf balland a caddy? Tiger can drive a golf ball. Today, Ping Golf announced it is signing Ms. Woods to an multi-million dollar naming and endorsement deal for it's new line of women's fairway woods. Their new slogan; "Elin Woods - clubs you can beat Tiger with" Golf Magazine�s November 2009 issue includes the banner headline �21% of You Say: I Can Beat Tiger � and More Surprises in Golf Magazine�s Greatest Survey Ever.� Apparently, Tiger�s wife is amongst those who responded to the survey!!! Future Golf Magazine headlines under consideration: - �My Secrets to Beating Tiger� - �How My Rescue Club Brought Tiger to His Knees� - �The Rear Window Practice Drill� - �Club Head Speed Beats Tiger� And� - �Beat Tiger with the Punch Shot� Tiger says he'll frost their flakes because "they're great!" Seems he forgot his Daddy's profound advice, "Tiger, you'll never be successful until you learn to play one hole at a time." What is the difference between the Barnham & Bailey Circus and Tiger Wood's mistresses? The Circus is a Cunning Array of Stunts. Courtesy of her husband, Elin now has her own major golf endorsement... "Tiger's Balls.." Rumor has it that contract may be worth $500 million... Tiger's excuse for the whole thing was that he was trying to get a hoe in one but his balls kept getting stuck in their sand traps. Elin's been offered an endorsement contract- Adams 'tight lies' golf clubs. "Clubs you can beat Tiger with.!" What crossed Elin's mind as she stood there with a golf club in her hand as she heard his lame excuses? "Just do it..." What did Elin say right after she clubbed him? "Don't even try to tell me I bent my elbow...!" What is the difference between a Thief and Tiger Woods? A thief Snatches Watches. Tiger should go back and practice Tom Watson's famous drill- "Keep your head down". Breaking News Elin announced this morning she will forgive him, if he'll change his name to Cheeta !! I hear you and Tiger both have something in common. You can both drive 50 yds before you hit a tree. Is Tiger guilty of putting his driver in the wrong bag? Tiger is the #1 Player in the world! Hmmm. Does that just apply to golf? Player?...Playa? Does this give new meaning to the phrase: "Drive for SHOW...putt for DOUGH?" I think he will need to change his name from Tiger Woods to Tiger Dids. I wonder if Elin's parents knew she was out<b> clubbing </font></b>that late at night. I am hearing that Tiger Woods is going to officially change his name to Cheetah Woods They have come out with a new set of woods that you never drive with. They're called "Tiger" woods ... Tiger Woods is changing his name; his new name will be "CHEETAH Woods" Kathy Bates to Tiger: "You Dirty Birdie!" Kanye to Tiger: "Imma let you finish...but I just wanna say...Amy Fisher...was da best ho...of all time." "Tiger WOODS" (plural): the most revealing name in sports since Dick Trickle's short track career. Tiger Woods reportedly lamented to a close friend, "This is one of the few times that my putter has really gotten me into trouble." Eenie meenie, miney moe Catch a Tiger with his ho' When it's over Take his dough Elin melin, go-girl-go! Tiger hated "muff" on the course, but LOVED it off! Tiger was more interested in having his girlfriend spread eagle than getting an eagle on the course. What's the first thing Tiger says after sex? "I'll be home soon, dear." Following Tiger's accident, doctors in the Emergency room determined he suffered from: Club Lip. Tiger 100 Acre Woods sez: "They're bouncy, bouncy Bouncy, bouncy... Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! But the most wonderful thing About hoochies iiiiiiiis... I have more than one!!!" Tiger, Tiger, you're so dumb. Cheat on Elin- you're a bum. Tiger, Tiger you're so sick; I'm surprised you kept your _ _ _ _! It was just reported that Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger Woods' wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger What was Tiger driving? Cadillac Escapade? nike new line just do me IF TIGER WANTED TO PUTT HIS BALLS INTO THE WRONG HOLE and get away with it HE SHOULD HAVE DROVE A FORD ESCAPE NOT A PATHFINDER/poor path choice/RIGHT CHOICE WOULD HAVE BEEN PUTTING HIS BALLS INTO THE RIGHT HOLE For each transgression, Tiger earned a two-stroke penalty. Why does Jaimee Grubbs walk funny? Tiger prefers holes on the back nine. What did Bravo decide to name its new reality show starring Tiger's ? "Who's Your Mommy?" IF JAIMEE GRUBBS CAN STILL SMELL TIGERS SENCE ON HER THUS THAT MAKE HER A WOODS SNIFFER when tiger woods overshot his lay i mean stay at jaimee,s house he should have known he suffer a penalty yo/ you all hear tiger woods had an accident heard that he shot his ball into some bush got angry thought he was on the fairway not the driveway clip an iron broke his wood got hit with a penaty shot maybe two got hit with a citation for inproper use of a driving iron and ended up in the hospital with a bad case of iknownnothingaboutherist /what a guy acted like nothing happen and wouldn"t you known it some chic comes out of nowhere and swears he hit a lot of shots in her bush for over thirdty months and he acted like nothing bothered him then too. Well thats tiger for ya ABILLIONAIRE who ever thought he could get caught with his pants down What's Elin's favorite household chore? Ironing! What happens in Vegas stays in Rachel, Jaimee, and Kalika. what does tiger woods and the beatles have in common? they both experienced a hit of norwegian wood. Tiger can keep his driver out of the sand, he just can't keep it out of the bush. I have only ever hit one shot as good as Tiger but I have never been caught in somebody eles rough. Elin had no idea what Tiger meant when he said I am going out for three more holes! I mean whoes- Tiger really is the greatest golfer of all time! He really can play 4 holes at once! Eenie meenie minie mo, They caught the Tiger with a Ho If his wife says let 'em go It's gonna eat up all his dough. Why has Tiger been able to sink all those great putts over the years? He has the uncanny ability to envision 4 holes instead of 1! The new Zorro: El Tigre Nike's slogan JUST DO IT Tiger says JUST DID IT Elin found out and she JUST DID IT, TO HIM Tiger's holiday lament Hoe Hoe Hoe, OH! Tiger obviously needs a new driver....he can't hit the (drive)way with this one ! What's black and white and red all over? Tiger at 2AM Tiger's a lion cheetah!!! How does Tiger like his women? Just like his golf balls - white, with dimples Tiger has just signed a new multi-million dollar endorsement deal with Cheetos He never lied to her when he said, "Honey, I'm going out to play around". Tiger never lied to his wife when he told her, "Honey I'm going out to play around". *fixed Why did Elin hit the back window of the SUV instead of the front window? She's always had a slice.... Tiger's made a remake of the old Hitchcock film - Rear Window Why did Elin fly into a rage? When she found out all she got for Christmas was a lousy golf club, but Tiger's girlfriends each got several pearl necklaces. How did Tiger's girlfriends realize he is half asian? Because he only ever uses a 5 wood. Why is Tiger always good at golf, and lousy in bed? Because he consistently performs below par. Well, we all know what Tiger thinks of skanky hoes now... They're GR-R-R-R-R-R-R-REAT!!! Whats the difference between Y.E.Yang and Elin Nordigren? It took Yang 14 clubs to beat Tiger. Tiger wont be using the wood for a few months. Now we know where Tiger goes for his 19th hole! Tiger to Santa: "I've been naughty this year, Santa." Santa to Tiger: "Don't worry, Tiger. Even Santa has 3 Ho's." Tiger a golfer, he was just trying to play as many holes as he can before dark. It usually takes Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday for men to beat Tiger, when in fact, Elin can do it in one. Now that we know that blondes with big breast can beat tiger. Its time for Phil Mickelson to bleach his hair Tiger said the fault for the accident was his Escalade. So typical of a golfer- Always blame the caddy! What did Tiger get Sam and Charlie for christmas? Their first set of golf clubs, and a lifetime subscription to Hustler. How many cocktail waitresses does Tiger need to help him change a lightbulb? At least 4, he holds tightly onto the lightbulb and his girfriends screw him. How do we know that Elin is physically stronger than Tiger? Because she was able to lift her 185 pound husband up and over the drivers seat, then lift and carry him to the road. Tiger woods can only lift the legs of a 120 pound cocktail waitress. NEWSFLASH: Tiger Woods has won the US PGA (pussy gettin' award) Due to negative publicity Tiger Woods has apparently changed his name to Tigerz Gotawoody What did the OnStar lady say when Tiger crashed? "Mr. Woods, this is OnStar. We've just received a signal you've been involved in a front end collision. We have dispatched 4 cocktail waitresses to assist you." Elin Woods has a new endorsement: SPEEDY AUTO GLASS Tiger says no muff to tough I drive at 5 Tiger Woods won the US open he should not have entered the Legs open and if the third one is pregnant the driveway is not all he had trouble pulling out of What do Phil Mickelson, Elin, Jaimee, Rachel, Holly, Jamie, Kalika, & Cori have in common? They all have or had a "bone" to pick with Tiger! LOL! Tiger, Tiger, bleeding bright In the driveway of the night What small Swedish hand or wrist With a three-wood your head kissed? What the anger, what the fire Was so stoked by the Enquirer? Twas there motive, twas there goal? Did you play an extra hole? Couldst thou not appease her After bedding a skeezer? Was your mom of no aid, though Batt�ling that white tornado? Were you chased from hearth and home A golf club aimed at your dome? Did the instinct come to pass �My caddy will save my ass�? When Elin did swing her club Did you cower like a cub? Did you know she�d hit a ton And put you on the green in one? When the impact made a thud Wat�ring the lawn with your blood Did she smile her work to see? And did the pain make you pee? And as neighbors heard your snores Did you dream about your whores? Complete defeat, is this true? Beat you and your caddy, too? Now as you try to clean up Have you reread that pre-nup? Is hush money a small price For avoiding Elin�s slice? Were your sponsors caused great stress By the words of that waitress? Or is the deal perm�nent now With �Nike� marked on your brow? Tiger, Tiger, bleeding bright In the driveway of the night What small Swedish hand or wrist With a three-wood your head kissed? all those women love tiger's birdies,and tiger loves to put it in the hole. Like any golfer, Tiger celebrates at the 19th hole after a hard day on the course. He also celebrates at the 21st, 22nd, 23rd, 24th, 25th, 26th, 27th, 28th and 29th�. Don't Take me seriously as I sure as hell don't    [bling 172284] |
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And those girls are the only ones that they know about.
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Hi M I'm not sure I feel sorry for him, as he bought it on himself, I more shake my head and wonder why... I mean did he think with his level of profile no one would find out? It was inevitable one of his companions would sell their story Don't Take me seriously as I sure as hell don't [bling 172284]
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And those girls are the only ones that they know about. Don't Take me seriously as I sure as hell don't [bling 172284]
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I totally agree M, I have empathy for him but I also admit to a certain amount of schadenfreude (quickly dissipating, it's a character flaw I know)) because of the sheer scale of the fall, he has gone from squeaky clean to a punchline overnight The longer it goes the more sorry I feel for him and the more I think, "Now lets just leave the poor guy alone" i also get the irony of that last statement considering my post Chris Don't Take me seriously as I sure as hell don't [bling 172284]
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It won't surprise you to know I had to use the dictionary for the spelling As you well know I have enough trouble with English let alone German  Don't Take me seriously as I sure as hell don't [bling 172284]
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