Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > SensitivePerv > Cunnilingus Addicts Anonymous |
Communication and Separation
|
Communication and Separation My relationship with LadyFriend has brought into sharp focus for me a required element that was missing in my marriage. Great sex certainly comes to mind (and it comes to my mind very often  ), but in this case I am talking about communication. Today, I am owning up to the fact that I did not respect my wife as my equal, as a full partner in our marriage. As a result, I failed to communicate with her when I was prepared to make an important decision that affected our lives. Additionally, I failed to share with her the little things that happen daily ‒ the secret actions and thoughts that lay bare the soul, allowing the creation of an intimate bond between two lovers.To be fair to myself, I learned early on in our marriage that we just do not communicate well. It seems like it takes us two hours to get our points across in what should be a 15 minute conversation. We value things differently - including whether sex is critically important in a relationship or simply a necessary evil - so there are the frequent arguments that slow progress to a crawl. And even when we would see eye-to-eye, it seemed like there was a critical misunderstanding about who, what, when, where, why, or how. Unfortunately for my marriage, in order to get anything accomplished in a time-efficient manner, I began taking the shortcut of NOT communicating. When it came time to put more (or less) money in the 401k every paycheck, I didn't ask what she thought - I just did it. Something significant or funny happen at the office today? She didn't ask, and I didn't attempt to explain it to her. So let’s leave it alone Cause we can’t see eye-to-eye There ain’t no good guys There ain’t no bad guys There’s only you and me, and we just disagree. Here is a perfect example of how we don’t agree and how that causes us to spend hours on a conversation that should take minutes. Last Sunday evening, my wife told me in a very ominous tone, “We need to talk.” I had no idea what I had done and was genuinely confused when I walked out on the back porch to learn what was so important. My wife explained to me that my oldest ’s new girlfriend is “terribly uncomfortable” around me. At issue, it seems, was that I had walked into my bedroom at 10 pm on a work night (to go to bed), and my was on top of his girlfriend with his hands up her shirt playing with her breasts. In order to defuse an awkward situation, I attempted to use humor, telling them “don’t mind me” and “get the hell out of my room, I need to go to bed.” At the time, both of them laughed at the situation. I retreated to allow them to get fully dressed, and in a few minutes they had vacated my room. Acknowledging that the situation might have been more awkward for my ’s girlfriend than what she let on at the time, I told my wife that I would contact our and send my apologies to his girlfriend through him. And that should have been it, right? Unfortunately, that was ONLY the beginning. My wife decided to rant on how my behavior could have landed me in jail. I’m still not sure what I would be charged with. Lame humor? Then she proceeded to attack me for giving my a book on sex practices that are found in the Kama Sutra and The Secret Garden. Now, I know for a fact that my wife has never read a book on this subject, and if she ever does (on purpose) I will be completely shocked. She told me that I was wrong to give him that book, and “if HER is going to turn into a sex pervert, let him do it on his own.” I responded that, since it is an undeniable fact that OUR and his girlfriend are having (protected) sex, they should get the most enjoyment out of the act possible. I told her that we would have to agree to disagree on whether it was right or wrong to do give him the book, and that I wasn’t going to take the book back unless my decided he didn’t want it. And there were MANY more points brought up during this talk, from how I did her wrong before we were married, how I did her wrong five years into the marriage, ten years into it, and so on. At the end of two exhausting hours of what was at most should have been a 15 minute conversation, I simply said (again) that I would apologize and that as far as I was concerned, this conversation was at an end. Except it wasn’t, because she followed me to my room for another 15 minutes of sparring; rehashing the same points again, disagreeing on key points without changing the other’s opinions, blah, blah, blah. Absolutely exhausting! No wonder I take stress medication, and no wonder I have stopped needing to take so much stress medication since she filed for divorce. The second incident happened earlier today and shows how, even when we DO communicate and develop a plan of action, we often end up with a misunderstanding in execution that ends up pissing one or the other of us off (or both). A couple of days ago, in order to begin the process of separating our finances, I put together a spreadsheet that lists all of our income and all of our bills. I took a stab at which bills she should be paying once we split and which ones I should be paying. From that spreadsheet, I was able to come up with a dollar amount that we should each receive. I got more than she did on the spreadsheet, but that was only because I was taking all of the big bills. My wife didn’t have any problem with this and even helped me get more accuracy in the spreadsheet by pointing out where I had underestimated some bills and overestimated others. After getting a great response from her on this spreadsheet, I proposed that we go ahead and get our separate accounts set up, and then split the next paycheck along the lines in the spreadsheet. She said okay to this, but she wanted to wait until this Friday to do so. I said that was okay with me, because we both needed to be present to remove my name from her account and remove her name from my account, and Friday was the earliest we could both make it to the bank branch where we live. So, today I went to the bank branch near my work and modified how the money was going to be distributed to each account. I sent her a courtesy text message telling her that the distribution of the paycheck was set, and that all we had to do now was go in on Friday and remove our names from each other’s accounts. At this news, she went ballistic. Instead of paying attention to my training class, I ended up engaging in a text message war with her. I attempted to explain (without success) that I didn’t do anything permanent, that the distribution amounts I changed today could be changed back tomorrow if she had real heartburn with the numbers. Not only was this point not getting across, she was so upset that she decided to tell me that I needed to move out of our house immediately, and that I should ask one of my co-workers if I could spend the night with them. So I did, and one of my co-workers was gracious enough to offer me his couch for the evening. After I explained to my co-workers what was happening, one said that I needed to “put on the big boy pants, tell her that I wasn’t leaving the house, and if she had a problem with that, go get a restraining order from a judge.” Another told me that I should consult with my lawyer before deciding to leave. Great advice from both. This is the life I have been leading for the last twenty years. Sigh. I know that I am not the greatest communicator in the world, but it seems that with my wife, the comprehension between the two of us grinds to a screeching halt when we attempt to communicate. It is not very surprising that for at least 15 years, we never felt close to each other except through a shared experience with one of our three . The silver lining in all this is that this last miscommunication lit a fire under my rear end regarding locking down an apartment for May. After talking with my wife, I contacted a rental agency about a property. I completed an online application. After work, I inspected the property and found it suitable for my needs. While I was at the property, the rental agent called me to tell me that my application was approved, and I asked when I could sign the papers. I drove up to his office this evening, signed the papers, paid my rent and deposit, and took possession of the keys. When I came home, I told my wife that I now have an apartment, but that I would be spending the next couple of days in our home until I get the electric and utilities turned on. By Saturday, I will be separated. Love, Your Shy, Swinging, Friendly Neighborhood SensitivePerv  |
||||
|
Mark the day in your calendar as Independance Day and celebrate it annually! Of course, the sooner we get an invitation to get a tour of your new hearth and home, the sooner we can celebrate it with you. Your friends with benefits up north, K & D. (longing to connect with you again.)
| |||
|
I wish I could be there to help you properly christen the place. I will be there with you in spirit though and sending good thoughts...I know this is a time of very mixed emotions. But I have faith that, with time, it will all get sorted out in a way that allows you to be everything you wish. Big hugs love.... Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
|
Become a member to create a blog
