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IS IT A HOWLING? IS IT A BANSHEE WAILING? IT
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IS IT A HOWLING? IS IT A BANSHEE WAILING? IT I was talked into a night out at a Karaoke bar last weekend. Karaoke has always been a great mystery to me. I think it acts as a hallucinogen. Or maybe it just inspires the psychological phenomenon of mass hysteria. As soon as someone picks up a microphone and steps in front of an audience their brain fires (or maybe it would be more appropriate to say disconnects…) and they think that they are Barbara Streisand or Frank Sinatra. (Yeah I know….I’m old.) Whenever I bring this up to others, their immediate response is, “but it’s fun!” I’m not disputing the fun factor. The part I have difficulty with, is when the person up there thinks they can actually sing. Now there are some very talented Karaoke singers out there. I don’t mean them. And there are some really awful singers that know they are awful and obviously in it for the fun or are mind numbingly drunk. I don’t mean them either. But there is a huge group of Karaoke singers that honestly believe they are the next big star waiting to be discovered. Yet they could shatter glass and set the neighborhood dogs howling…. From ten miles away. And the fun part? It’s not people laughing with them, it’s people laughing AT them. This particular Karaoke event was no different. There was a big billboard outside for someone called “JMoney.” I figured he must be a local Karaoke star. He had a huge fan base there cheering for him. Everyone was saying they couldn’t wait for him to perform. I met JMoney and he said he had been practicing all week. Looking at him I thought to myself this guy has GOT to be good, because he certainly didn’t look the part of a major celebrity. He was short and stout like a teapot. He bobbed his head up and down while he talked and had a nervous twitch and an even more nervous laugh. He wore really thick glasses and kept tripping over his own feet. In fact he looked exactly like someone who would be into Karaoke (and speak Klingon.) JMoney said he had chosen three songs. I couldn’t wait. The suspense was killing me. In the meantime I sat back and watched the parade on stage. I am always surprised at just how many people are comfortable with going in front of a room full of people and yodeling into a microphone so that every single wrong note is amplified to ear splitting decibels. I think that alcohol is a necessary ingredient. Not just on the part of the performers but also on the part of the listeners. I was the designated driver and so did not have the luxury of<b> numbing </font></b>my senses through a haze of vodka. It never fails to amaze me how big, rough, hairy, goateed, tattooed bikers who would gut and hang anyone looking at them crosswise feel perfectly ok singing Shania Twain and Miley Cyrus songs. One of these bikers in particular had to have had balls of steel, which he must surely have developed throughout a childhood fraught with severe beatings by neighborhood bullies; because he was introduced as “Gaylord Focker” and it was his real name. Finally JMoney was called up. The bar erupted into cheers. I twisted in my seat excited to hear this shining talent. He stood with his nose about 2 inches from the Karaoke screen and bobbed his head skillfully consistently out of time with the music. And then he opened his mouth. Oh dear God. This poor man. And he had practiced all week! There wasn’t enough alcohol in existence to accomplish that level of delusion. It had to be clinical in nature. Everyone was egging him on, his friends were recording him for Youtube, his groupies were going wild. And he was soaking it all up, convinced that he was on the way to stardom. When he was finished his first song, everyone clapped him on his back, congratulated him and cheered. Some wild eyed woman approached me and shouted “He is so AWESOME.” His next two songs were much of the same. I should say that his song choices were Michael Jackson, Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears. It was amusing because the Karaoke host came over to him before the last one and said “I have your last song ready to go. Are you sure you want that one? Do you want to change it?” And JMoney said “Oh no. I want to sing Britney Spears. I practiced.” There is just no helping some people. I have to say, despite all the banshee screeching of the evening, I had a great time. There was some true talent there and for the delusional ones….I have never been one to pass up an opportunity to laugh at stupid people. And when it all comes down to it, every single one of them is braver than I. I'd take my hat off to them. (If I wore hats) Are you a Karaoke singer? . Freedom Live. Laugh. Love. |
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I suck so bad it hurts lol      Is life getting you down? Then Come to My Blog!  [blog 05realman21] You will leave with a smile! Check out my profile to find out what a REALman is like! Click here! Join my alien group and get a free anal probe from Splurgee! Click here! Realman & Splurgee Agony Aunts
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I suck so bad it hurts lol Freedom Live. Laugh. Love.
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5/31/2009 3:34 pm |
I think it's more fun to watch bad karaoke singers/performers than good ones. I suck at Karaoke, but I sing good in the shower. 
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5/31/2009 3:39 pm |
There is only one thing worse than my singing. My dancing. I have absolutely no sense of rhythm. Self esteem issues require that i contend that this ONLY applies to singing and dancing. That's my story and i'm sticking to it.
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Ha! I just spent all day yesterday karaokiing. (Is that a word?) This was in front of family though and not drunken strangers. I fall into the "Wow this guy is horrible but at least he knows it." category. For the record, I butchered Beyonce's "Irreplacable" (But the performance was good enough to earn me an honorary platinum from the local crowd) and totally OWNED Fergie's "Glamorous". I guess the "To the left, to the left" dance did me in... For what it's worth, Gaylord Focker was Ben Stiller's character from Meet the Parents. I suppose that could have been the biker guy's real name, but I'm not betting on it. PoorMeImSane
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I think it's more fun to watch bad karaoke singers/performers than good ones. I suck at Karaoke, but I sing good in the shower. Freedom Live. Laugh. Love.
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There is only one thing worse than my singing. My dancing. I have absolutely no sense of rhythm. Self esteem issues require that i contend that this ONLY applies to singing and dancing. That's my story and i'm sticking to it.  Freedom Live. Laugh. Love.
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Ha! I just spent all day yesterday karaokiing. (Is that a word?) This was in front of family though and not drunken strangers. I fall into the "Wow this guy is horrible but at least he knows it." category. For the record, I butchered Beyonce's "Irreplacable" (But the performance was good enough to earn me an honorary platinum from the local crowd) and totally OWNED Fergie's "Glamorous". I guess the "To the left, to the left" dance did me in... For what it's worth, Gaylord Focker was Ben Stiller's character from Meet the Parents. I suppose that could have been the biker guy's real name, but I'm not betting on it. Freedom Live. Laugh. Love.
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Karaoke is indeed a strange institution that doesn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. It has gripped the masses and spread like a virus (or a bad smell in a crowded car.) The solution? Alcohol. Lots of it. Freedom Live. Laugh. Love.
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