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quotes from Annie Hall
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quotes from Annie Hall One of my fav movies is Annie Hall by Woody Allen in 1977. Some funny lines from that great movie: Memorable quotes for Annie Hall (1977) Alvy Singer: Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here. ________________________________________ Alvy Singer: My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting by Cossacks. ________________________________________ [after sex with Annie] Alvy Singer: That was the most fun I've ever had without laughing. ________________________________________ [In California] Annie Hall: It's so clean out here. Alvy Singer: That's because they don't throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows. ________________________________________ Annie Hall: So you wanna go into the movie or what? Alvy Singer: No, I can't go into a movie that's already started, because I'm anal. Annie Hall: That's a polite word for what you are. ________________________________________ Duane: Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist,I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline. Alvy Singer: Right. Well, I have to - I have to go now, Duane, because I, I'm due back on the planet Earth. ________________________________________ [a guest is calling his meditation guru] Party guest: Hello? I forgot my<b> mantra. </font></b>________________________________________ Alvy Singer: What's with all these awards? They're always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler. ________________________________________ [Alvy addresses a pair of strangers on the street] Alvy Singer: Here, you look like a very happy couple, um, are you? Female street stranger: Yeah. Alvy Singer: Yeah? So, so, how do you account for it? Female street stranger: Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say. Male street stranger: And I'm exactly the same way. Alvy Singer: I see. Wow. That's very interesting. So you've managed to work out something? ________________________________________ [first lines] Alvy Singer: [addressing the camera] There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious," and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women. ________________________________________ Alvy Singer: I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light. ________________________________________ [after Annie parks the car] Alvy Singer: Don't worry. We can walk to the curb from here. ________________________________________ Annie Hall: Sometimes I ask myself how I'd stand up under torture. Alvy Singer: You? You kiddin'? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em everything. ________________________________________ Alvy Singer: Annie, there's a big lobster behind the refrigerator. I can't get it out. This thing's heavy. Maybe if I put a little dish of butter sauce here with a nutcracker, it will run out the other side. ________________________________________ Annie Hall: Oh, you see an analyst? Alvy Singer: Yeah, just for fifteen years. Annie Hall: Fifteen years? Alvy Singer: Yeah, I'm gonna give him one more year, and then I'm goin' to Lourdes. ________________________________________ Alvy Singer: A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. ________________________________________ [Annie wants to smoke marijuana before sex] Alvy Singer: Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday. [Alvy Singer does a stand-up comic act for a college audience] Alvy Singer: I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my mother, who was an emotionally high-strung woman, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mah-Jongg tiles. I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss. ________________________________________ [Alvy confronts Annie about having an affair] Alvy Singer: Well, I didn't start out spying. I thought I'd surprise you. Pick you up after school. Annie Hall: Yeah, but you wanted to keep the relationship flexible. Remember, it's your phrase. Alvy Singer: Oh stop it, you're having an affair with your college professor, that jerk that teaches that incredible crap course, Contemporary Crisis in Western Man... Annie Hall: Existential Motifs in Russian Literature. You're really close. Alvy Singer: What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation. Annie Hall: Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about. Alvy Singer: Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love. Annie Hall: We're not having an affair. He's married. He just happens to think I'm neat. Alvy Singer: "Neat." What are you, 12 years old? That's one of your Chippewa Falls expressions. Annie Hall: Who cares? Who cares? Alvy Singer: Next thing you know, he'll find you keen and peachy, you know. Next thing you know, he's got his hand on your ass. Annie Hall: You've always had hostility towards David, ever since I mentioned him. Alvy Singer: Dav - you call your teacher David? Annie Hall: It's his name. Alvy Singer: It's a Biblical name, right? What does he call you, Bathsheba? ________________________________________ Alvy Singer: It's mental masturbation! Annie Hall: And you would know all about THAT, wouldn't you? Alvy Singer: Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love. ________________________________________ Annie Hall: So I told her about, about the family and about my feelings towards men and about my relationship with my brother. And then she mentioned penis envy. Do you know about that? Alvy Singer: Me? I'm, I'm one of the few males who suffers from that. ________________________________________ [Alvy questions an old man on the street about his sex life] Alvy Singer: With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation, like, like marijuana? Old man on street: We use a large vibrating egg. ________________________________________ Pam: Sex with you is really a Kafka-esque experience. Alvy Singer: Oh. Thank you. Pam: I mean that as a compliment. ________________________________________ Alvy Singer: I think, I think there's too much burden placed on the orgasm, you know, to make up for empty areas in life. Pam: Who said that? Alvy Singer: It may have been Leopold and Loeb. ________________________________________ Alvy Singer: You know, I don't think I could take a mellow evening because I - I don't respond well to mellow. You know what I mean? I have a tendency to - if I get too mellow, I - I ripen and then rot, you know. ________________________________________ Alvy Singer: I remember the staff at our public school. You know, we had a saying, uh, that those who can't do teach, and those who can't teach, teach gym. And, uh, those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school. ________________________________________ Alvy Singer: They did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enough, I was, I was 4-P. Yes. In the, in the event of war, I'm a hostage. ________________________________________ Alvy Singer: I'm so tired of spending evenings making fake insights with people who work for "Dysentery." Robin: "Commentary." Alvy Singer: Oh really? I had heard that "Commentary" and "Dissent" had merged and formed "Dysentery." ________________________________________ Allison: I'm in the midst of doing my thesis. Alvy Singer: On what? Allison: Political commitment in twentieth century literature. Alvy Singer: You, you, you're like New York, Jewish, left-wing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University, the socialist summer camps and the, the father with the Ben Shahn drawings, right, and the really, y'know, strike-oriented kind of, red diaper, stop me before I make a complete imbecile of myself. Allison: No, that was wonderful. I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype. Alvy Singer: Right, I'm a bigot, I know, but for the left. ________________________________________ Robin: There's Henry Drucker. He has a chair in history at Princeton. Oh, and the short man is Hershel Kaminsky. He has a chair in philosophy at Cornell. Alvy Singer: Yeah? Two more chairs they got a dining room set. ________________________________________ Alvy Singer: Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college. [Alvy and Annie are seeing their therapists at the same time on a split screen] Alvy Singer's Therapist: How often do you sleep together? Annie Hall's Therapist: Do you have sex often? Alvy Singer: [lamenting] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week. Annie Hall: [annoyed] Constantly. I'd say three times a week. ________________________________________ [On Pam being a Rosicrucian] Alvy Singer: I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics. ________________________________________ Alvy Singer: I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable. ________________________________________ Doctor in Brooklyn: Why are you depressed, Alvy? Alvy's Mom: Tell Dr. Flicker. [Young Alvy sits, his head down - his mother answers for him] Alvy's Mom: It's something he read. Doctor in Brooklyn: Something he read, huh? Alvy at 9: [his head still down] The universe is expanding. Doctor in Brooklyn: The universe is expanding? Alvy at 9: Well, the universe is everything, and if it's expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything! Alvy's Mom: What is that your business? [she turns back to the doctor] Alvy's Mom: He stopped doing his homework! Alvy at 9: What's the point? Alvy's Mom: What has the universe got to do with it? You're here in Brooklyn! Brooklyn is not expanding! Doctor in Brooklyn: It won't be expanding for billions of years yet, Alvy. And we've gotta try to enjoy ourselves while we're here! ________________________________________ Pam: The only word for this is transplendent... it's transplendent! ________________________________________ Alvy Singer: Syliva Plath - interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college girl mentality. |
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And the rest of the movie isn't bad either  Woody Allen writes lines that nobody else could have written! <- Profile photo courtesy of Bonding with coworkers
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The entire Annie Hall movie was hilarious and priceless entertainment.
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