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why shy???
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why shy??? So, you've had years of always been the biggest person around, the piss taken out of you because of your height - the fact that your bigger than most of the boys in school doesn't help in the romantic department, which, when your a does seem to be a main part of your life. Then as you get older you start to believe that no man will ever be interested in you. Then you go to uni, meet a guy at a nightclub that actually does seem interested - but you soon realize only interested in one thing and your not ready for that yet, he disappears. You meet some other guy, he is your first - probably more out of fear that you'll be alone forever if you don't start putting out than actually wanting to - he turns out to be a complete arsehole and your alone again - after he's smashed your stuff....and proven he's more interested in his little blonde friend and your japanese friend than he is in you. (hindsight is definitely 20/20!!!!) you rescued by another guy, who you fall for hook line and sinker because he says all the right things at the right time and is there for you when the first guy is a twat...you lose weight and start to feel great, you move in with him and he asks you to marry him - you do.... your sooo wrapped up in the wedding plans that you don't think of anything else... but as the day gets closer and totally unbeknown to anyone else, you start to think you shouldn't!!! you go through with it though because you like his family and don't want to lose all that money...then at your wedding it becomes clear to all- inc your mum in the wedding car with you that your not happy... (crying your way to the church) he starts to show his true colours... wont let you drink - its your wedding night for gods sake..... your honeymoon is spent being miserable because he makes you wear stockings and sexy undies everyday so he can take pics for a website....you might ask how he makes you??? well, its easier to just do as he wants than argue and have him sulking and being an arse all day...it is your honeymoon after all. you carry on the charade - even having - all the while having these damn pics taken - although you like some of the comments you get, they do boost your confidence. Then one person sends you a nasty email about how fat you are - or unattractive - its sticks , you hate yourself and the man that is supposed to love you with all his heart won't have sex with you unless your wearing stockings makes you feel even worse....you start to feel really unattractive and then you fall pregnant - your fat and sick and feel like shit. still no confidence your down in the gutter somewhere...you go through 12 hours of difficult labour and just want to spend time with your new little bundle, but the website needs updating and a friend is organizing your hen night that you didn't have. You go on this night out, not able to drink because your out the next day working. you all have dares and there is a stag party there too with dares. your dare is to find the best kisser. you get chatting to the stag and he moves in - then his mate calls all the rest of the party over saying ' come watch (name) kissing this fat bird' - your down below street level now in the confidence stakes and you make a hasty retreat and withdraw and not take part in any more games/challenges etc. you go to a practice day, see this really good looking lad that you've met before but he didn't show any interest really. this time you chat a bit and get talking - he invites you to his house... both of you married to other people, you go around fully expecting that he is only showing an interest because he wants to get into your knickers. he gets there easily - you kinda like this guy and think he seems very nice - your getting older and wiser now so hope your feelings are right.. you end up seeing each other every day for a month, chatting on facebook when you can, you meet without having sex and he whispers something in your ear you didn't quite hear, but your heart skips a beat and your sure it was those 3 little words  You definatly feel the same - but you've got a lot to work out. he leaves on some holiday somewhere and your distraught... doing all sorts to make sure your not thinking about him. he's back - you end up pregnant - both of thinking its his - he works it out and is convinced its not...you talk loads and he eventually see's you without you having to rush off home or getting worries because your constantly being text. He says he wants to leave his wife for you..you make plans and it all goes well Your together - with a man who's amazing - treats you right and loves you with or without makeup, stockings etc and doesn't expect you to wear stockings all the time and prefers you totally naked. your confidence goes up and up and up. He helps me explore my fantasies and we even find a great girl where I can have my first full<b> girl on girl </font></b>experience. Join a swinging website and start to play with couples, first bloke is creepy, next one whispers in your ear how gorgeous you are...your thinking I'm not here to hear that, I get told that all the time now and I'm starting to believe it. You start bcasting on cam and some woman makes a shitty comment about you being disgusting - straight back to the gutter. why comment or indeed fucking watch if you think that? Ive seen some horrible camera bcasts and never commented - i just turn them off. You suffer some realtionship issues as well, including problems with ex's - great, confidence knocked some fucking more... then you start to see some couples that are normal and like you as a person as well as being a dirty bitch - you dont beleive it at all! its hard to get that confidence - it doesnt help that all the women your seeing have loads of it - no probs getting naked and just fucking, good for them - you wish you were like that, you wish you didnt have all these damn hang ups - but your past haunts you! so unfortuantly - sometimes right in the middle of something you go shy and nervous - only because you dont undertand that people can actually fancy/like you. So, you need to start working on those hang ups girl and stop worrying - your one sexy hot MILF - get used to it - and your clearly getting hotter because more guys are looking and some are even brave enough to say something about how great you look - or how hot your arse is.... 
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