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| Blogs > rm_debluvz2fck > Another Whisper In The Dark |
Bad Date (or Sex Isn't Like Pizza)
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Bad Date (or Sex Isn't Like Pizza) We all have our horror stories about meeting people offline that we met online, but that isn't what this is about. Another blogger mentioned a bad date (she referred to it as crazy, and hers really was), and I felt nostalgic about my worst set up scenario. I was compelled to share. My supervisor chose to use a coworker to set me up with someone. I knew that my supervisor was behind the set up, so I felt it would be poor manners to refuse the offer. The man called, and I felt no attraction whatsoever. He talked about himself as if he was the most attractive and desired man on the planet, only asking on question of me (what was my job?) while talking for hours about himself. He was vain, and I don't find vanity interesting regardless of how much an individual might merit an overly health self-image. I wasn't interested and never called him. He gave up the pursuit. My supervisor called me into her office and asked why it had failed. She said the man was perfect for me, that he was a great guy, that I should give him a chance. I didn't resist and said I would give him another chance. He was the same man as originally, talking solely about himself, but he asked two questions of me (what did I like to eat? and what did I drive?) after I had agreed to meet him for dinner. I arrived at the designated Olive Garden and parked in the back. I scoffed at the bumper sticker on a white panel van (Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still good.), mentally deriding the individual who, most likely, was at least in part responsible for the bad sex that the rest of us were enduring. I got inside, looked around, and asked the hostess if my date had arranged to be seated. He walked up to me and introduced himself. I'm not tall at my five foot five inches and have been curvy all of my adult life. The man who beamed at me was around five foot tall and looked like Tweedle Dee or Tweedle Dumb (take your pick, though I lean Dumb) from the Alice in Wonderland cartoon of my youth. I took a deep breath and politely proceeded with the dinner as arranged. The dinner conversation was not encouraging. He spoke about himself and his family (including his ex wife who he intended to force into buying him a home) more than engage me in conversation. The one question that he asked me, my favorite movie?, was as a segue to explaining the history of film and all movies he believed were worthy of viewing. He mentioned his twenty year old and later showed me his pilot's license. He was sixty. I, at forty, was exactly half way between his and his ages. Then there was the conversation about how he was suing the company he worked for because of an injury he suffered on the job and how he would make millions from the settlement. I was about to excuse myself and crawl out the bathroom window when the waiter took pity on me and brought the check. As polite as I had managed to be, by this point I was trying to head out the door. I asked if he minded if I left while he paid the tab. He really wanted to walk me to my car. No escape. He planned to demand some sort of payment for the meal. I almost offered to pay for his meal and allow him to leave instead. But he asked, and I stayed to let him walk me out. A horrible kiss and an overly friendly hug, and the man walked towards his white panel van. The pizza comparison was his. I was not in the least surprised. And I never saw him again. Now, the blogger who inspired me to tell my story did have a worse experience. Her date, while not as physically repulsive (she vetted him online rather than accepting a blind date), was a clown. He asked her out, juggled outside in the parking lot, had her pay for her own meal, made balloon animals in the restaurant, and attempted to force her to have sex with him in the bargain. Yeah. She beat me on bad dates. When I was asked by a coworker if I would ever see the man again, I said that I would agree to see Senator Ted Kennedy first. This was after the senator had passed, to be certain. Even long dead, he would have been the better catch. And just as age appropriate. |
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