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Threesome Poll Results
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Threesome Poll Results In a recent poll on threesomes I asked what kind of threesome, if any, men or women would participate in. FFM with straight or bi play and FMM with straight or bi play. The results for women were what I expected, More women would participate in one with bi play with another woman and one with bi play between two men. No one voted for strictly straight with another woman, but that wasn't surprising since if a woman is going to be in a threesome a lesbian or even bi male element is often the fantasy behind it. What did surprise me was the male response. By a margin of three to one men said they would participate in a threesome with another man where they had bi-sexual activity. That may be a bit skewered by doing the poll on here. That said, three to one is fairly high odds. You would definitely bet on a favored to win by three to one. Polls are anonymous so people feel safer to say things they might not admit to in a forum where they are identified. I do think this represents a generational change in sexual mores though. If you go on any casual contact site, like Craigslist for men looking for men, you will notice there are more married men looking for a bi experience than gay men looking to meet. Gay men can meet each other more openly, while married men are more proscribed, though many indicate their wives know and have no problem and discretion is a result of their work or other family. Some are old hands, many list themselves as bi-curious and new to it. All of them have one thing in common: they are not getting sex otherwise, and this is the only way they can without endangering their marriage, family, work, and life in general. I'm not making any big judgment about this. Nothing profound. I do not think this suggests most men are latent homosexuals or bi-sexual. I think it does suggest many men in todays society are more open about things that were not easy to act on in previous generations. This is a non issue with many younger straight men in today's society. The men discussed here are in their mid thirties and up, a generation much less sexually open. These aren't men looking to leave their wives, and, as I said, many of them say they are doing this with their wives knowledge, It seems to be an outlet not only for fantasy but for sex in marriages that are no longer sexual. Most of the men appear to be middle aged and up, and if you read their profiles the implication is this is a sexual outlet their wives approve of, at least tacitly, where they would not approve of another woman or women. Men are not suddenly going gay in middle age. These men are not true bi-sexuals, they are not looking for relationships beyond an FB with other men. They are exploring sexual outlets not available when they were younger, and they are having sexual contact and adventures with no threat of emotional involvement and little risk of divorce. Guys won't call them at home and hang up if the wife answers or demand they leave their wives and marry them. In the gay community casual sex between men, even men in committed gay relationships, is still common. It is an outlet not as easily available in heterosexual relationships as it might seem on here. Another man won't get pregnant or want a ring. For straight men looking at their sex lives being proscribed or non-existent for the rest of their lives short of shattering their otherwise content and happy lives this seems to be an ideal out. I would not seek an outside sexual outlet in a committed relationship with a woman. That's just me, I make no judgment on anyone who does. That said, when my third wife died I knew that I was doomed to celibacy for at least two years because women will not date a widower under sixty who has not gone through at least two years of mourning. You may argue this all you want, I lost my first wife, and went through this strictly enforced heterosexual isolation. Women will not look at you seriously in that period. In fact a man under sixty recovering from grief is a virtual leper with women in our society. They would much prefer you were cheating on a living wife and family. They will date and have sex with a cheat, not a widower. The better your relationship was with your late wife the deeper they isolate you. I wasn't ready for another two years of life in sexual limbo because women sent me to the sexual leper colony for two years. I decided to explore my bi-side. I was lucky to meet some nice people early on who --- for lack of a better word --- mentored me through the process. I lived a few fantasies and I made a few friends. I also learned that far and away most of the men I met were married straight guys who wanted sexual variety and were generally in marriages where the wife had shut down their sex life. Some of them only played with other married men. I did not meet a single person who was a true bi-sexual. The majority of the men were not bi-sexual, but heteroflexible. The sex was enjoyable as sex and release. It was not emotionally satisfying, but it was human contact and fantasy and far more satisfying than masturbation. Currently I am in neither group and would much prefer to be in a committed relationship with a woman. I would not do it if I was in a heterosexual relationship, I will not when I am in a position to date again, but rather than go without because women my age don't want sex or sexuality I would not spend the rest of my life celibate either. I would far and away prefer to meet and be with a woman in my general age range, but I do not want a relationship that consists of bingo, a senior center, and no sex. Maybe at 90 I'll be content with holding hands, but not now. I don't think this has anything to do with either sex being gay, bi, or straight.. I think it has to do with a new social phenomena where men in particular, who in the past either cheated with other women or went to prostitutes, have found an outlet to have adventurous and exotic sex with little risk to their family life , career, and reputation. Cheating men still cheat and hide it, but this is something different. Adventurous as this may seem it is actually safe sex, or as safe as casual sex can be these days. Precautions are the rule not the exception. Nothing is as safe as sex in a committed relationship, but that is not always available, and increasingly men at least are choosing not to be in enforced celibacy. This isn't bathhouse or glory hole sex, it's much more middle to upper middle class than that. Most of the men seem to be white collar professionals. Bi-sexual fantasy in either sex is not unusual, and never has been. Victorian erotica and early erotic films show a much more casual and open attitude to bi sexual activity for men and women that our society would like to believe our ancestors indulged in. Early French films made for houses of frequently showed casual male bi sexual behavior as if it were an everyday part of sex. The men responding they would indulge in bi sexual play with another man are not secretly gay nor are they going to turn that way. I do think though this is not about gay men anymore than women who responded they were bi-curious is necessarily lesbian in nature. Understand I am not blaming women. Women's bodies make more radical changes sexually than men's do. Society had changed in this regard because people didn't live long enough in the past for this to be a problem for them. Frankly for many women sex is so unsatisfying for physical, emotional, and psychological reasons at any age no one could blame them for turning from it, but the fact remains that bi sexual behavior is becoming a more common outlet for straight men who have no or only limited sexual outlets at home for whatever reason. There are still men and women who are strictly heterosexual and have no fantasy or bi experience or any desire for it, but there are a growing number of men and women in the gray middle who are not bi sexual, and in the case of many of the men it is the only sexual outlet they have that doesn't threaten their present life. And some of it is as simple as our ape brain ever curious, horny, and not very discretionary, especially in the male. Men without sexual outlets will seek them out. Women will as well, but in evolutionary terms its more an imperative for men. Something interesting is happening that the keepers of morality and sexual mores have ignored and frankly have no desire to deal with. This is by no means a majority of men. but it is a significant minority, and I suspect as the current generation ages changes will become more noticeable. It may be one of those generational events that happen once in a while.   Lust brings you together, love keeps you there, sex keeps the mechanism lubricated.  |
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Good poll Rake.. I have always had a fantasy of three some but the other half isn't really interested.. He might consider a FFM nothing further.. like a MMF.. hugsssss V They do say in my dreams! We can't give them up! I have no questions regarding my gender and never have. I don't need to pose or act like a little girl if I see another man naked. Too many men seem frightened that bi sexual behavior is catching. A lot of us have those fantasies whether they are ever acted on or not. Men seem more open about acting on those fantasies now that much of the risk has been taken out of it, and I doubt there is a sudden influx of homosexually inclined men. I just think that privately men and women are more comfortable exploring their sexual fantasies than they were before and have more opportunity. But everyone needs to grow up. Bi sexual conduct is common in nature and especially among primates. Indeed it is so common in nature that not doing it is the exception. But we are human beings and we can take precautions, be honest, be open, and think of others. If bi sexuals have a bad from both sides it is because of the way they had to hide and lie in the past. Not that I think there are many true bi-sexuals. I just think some people are more heteroflexible than others. Lust brings you together, love keeps you there, sex keeps the mechanism lubricated.
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Good poll Rake.. I have always had a fantasy of three some but the other half isn't really interested.. He might consider a FFM nothing further.. like a MMF.. hugsssss V They do say in my dreams! We can't give them up! Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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I was thinking of you when I wrote that. And what I admire about you is that you think of it as what you choose for yourself without condemning others even though I know you had some hurts from being married to a bi-sexual man. I think too often there is an assumption that because a man or woman has bi sexual sex that they are bi sexual or that it means they are gay, and it isn't true. I suspect true bi sexual men and women are rare, and a lot identified that way are what I call heteroflexible. Human sexuality is too complex just to jot down some definitions and try to jamb everyone into them. And there is also a matter of character and commitment. I would not cheat in a committed relationship even if something happened and sex was out. I didn't with Sally although the last three years were sexless. If I decided late in life to explore something I knew was there, it was only when there was no one to be hurt and in a time period when heterosexual relationships were out of the question. Women would rather have a rat who ran out on his wife and kids than a widower who loved his spouse. They talk a good game, but when it comes down to it you cannot convince them you have let go, and its unfair to expect someone to forget a major portion of their life in order for them to be more secure. I never compared any of them to the others consciously or unconsciously, but it's hard to convince them. I do not understand what is so complicated about the idea that someone who has been in successful committed relationships is better suited to be in another one than some guy who has screwed up every relationship he was in, but that's how many, maybe even the majority of women think. The fact you have loved and committed to someone deeply means you are capable of doing that, not that there is only one human on the planet you can have that with. I've had three soul mates in my life and married two of them. I can do a fourth. Some men don't have it in them to do one. I know you are an exception, but I also know you are exceptional. Any idiot cheating on someone like you ought to have his head examined. Frankly in many ways you are like Angelique and Sarah, they thought like themselves and not the way others expected them to think too. For all the things I've done, all the women I've been with, the few men I've been with, I would give all of that up without a qualm just to have been with them. If you can't say that about a woman you love you have no business in a relationship with her. If you can't commit when you find your hearts desire then you aren't really capable of knowing your hearts desire. And too, if you settle for less just to have someone, anyone, you deserve all the heartache and problems you will get. Never settle for less than everything on that one. Lust brings you together, love keeps you there, sex keeps the mechanism lubricated.
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I was lucky in the FMF in that it was always her idea and a gift of sorts for me so the jealousy thing didn't happen but they can go bad really easily, and I would never ask for or suggest one. It has to be her idea if it works at all. Since I intended to be in a strictly heterosexual relationship when I was out of the whole widowers limbo I was careful and safe, and the men I was with were as well. I wasn't all that active, just once in a while and I was pretty careful about who.. I certainly don't blame women for being careful, and I would never pursue both kinds of relationship at the same time. I intend to be honest if I do meet someone. I was surprised though how open most men were with their spouse about this and how many wives seemed content with it. Some men had been doing this for years. Lust brings you together, love keeps you there, sex keeps the mechanism lubricated.
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Very interesting. As a straight man a MFM can be awkward but it can be good at the same time if she is really enjoying it...like they say if momma is happy everyone is happy. Lust brings you together, love keeps you there, sex keeps the mechanism lubricated.
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