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Mistakes and Bloopers in Sex! Part 1
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Mistakes and Bloopers in Sex! Part 1 I belong to a group online, and this weekend we posted a lot of funny stories in our sexual history. Thought ya'll might enjoy them. Note: The vast majority are NOT mine. I. My foreskin once got caught between my ex's front teeth when she was going down on me. I called her the "Black and Decker Pecker Wrecker" after that. II. I was going at my girlfriend at the time full force on a dryer. I slipped out and slammed that dryer with all I had. I cried like a little ... III. Fucking my girlfriend in a room with a wood stove. She was cumming hard and wanted me to stop. I didn't stop. She planted her feet on my chest and launched me off the bed and across the room. I crashed back-first into the wood stove. It fell off the pedestal, hit the floor with a loud BOOM. The pipe feel from the ceiling cutting my leg and dumping about 2 pounds of soot on me. (luckily it was summer or I'd have gotten really fucked up) For the next five minutes, we were laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. We were both in the bathroom trying to clean me up and patch my wounds when the cops showed up. The neighbors called them because of the noise. When they saw I was covered in ash and blood, they insisted on coming inside because they thought it was a domestic violence thing. Took about 15 minutes to make them understand what had happened. And I never got to cum that night. IV. During my first (and so far only) foursome, we took a break to get all<b> showered </font></b>up before round two. Commence one of the partners missing the bath rug on the way out, slipping, and slamming her big toe into a runner at the base of the wall. A broken toe is apparently a good way to end any sexual encounter immediately. V. I was giving my ex head, next thing I know I'm absolutely drenched in what I thought was, yknow, fluids. Turn the lights on and my face was covered in blood. She was pretty embarrassed but I was like nah its cool, shit happens. Went to the bathroom to wash it off and it turns out I'd actually just gotten a mad nosebleed mid-oral and it was actually my blood all over her vagina and my face VI. Oral was the time he was fucking my face, missed, and I got his dick in my eye. Had ferocious pink eye for the next 2 weeks. VII. Backseat of my car was told by the girl that she had finished her period turns out it wasn't quite over. After some fun in the dark turn on the light to find my backseat looking like a murder scene with bloody hand prints everywhere VIII. I put a little too much body weight on a sink during, and it broke off the wall. Water was spraying everywhere and I hit my head. Still came. IX. A girl I was hooking up with asked if I wanted to try anal with her. It all went well until she shit all over me and my dick and we were at a national forest so I had to just get into a creek. X. One time I was giving a guy from Grindr head , i gave him head for HOURS! He didn’t want a full on bj he just wanted me to suck on the tip , here i am my jaw in pain , sweating like a in church and this motherfucker isnt even close to cumming , cut to a few minutes later HIS FUCKING WIFE CALLS! She was yelling at him asking where he was so he got up and left , leaving me there exhausted and still horny as fuck cuz basically nothing happened ?? |
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