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marriage
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marriage Okay, take a breath and hear me out. If you’re reasonable about your desires, your wife should be able to provide you with a satisfying sex life. If you’re reasonable and dissatisfied your wife probably should be doing something different. The thing here for you to focus on is the issue of reasonable. I hear from women who almost never say no, who want and enjoy sex, who say their husband is upset about their sex life because she doesn’t like doing oral. Or anal, or some certain position, or sex in the car parked in a deserted parking lot. Then there are the men who complain they only get sex five times a week and they really need it twice a day. It’s not a question of what a guy wants being right or wrong. Perhaps there is nothing wrong with any of the things he wants, but the list as a whole is just too much for her. Or, perhaps some other woman would be fine with what he wants, but it’s not reasonable for his wife. I’m all for variety and trying new things in bed… or wherever. But that’s the frosting, not the cake. Asking for frosting when the cake hasn’t been baked is a mistake, and it’s a good way to scare a woman away from sex. One common factor in this is porn use. Porn exposes us to a wide array of sex acts. Some of those are not acceptable for a Christian couple, and some are not possible for real people. Still, much of what is shown in porn is not wrong and much of it is enjoyed by some couples. But that does not mean your wife should be all about doing it or that she could enjoy it if she “just tried”. There is a huge variety in what people enjoy sexually, and most women have a narrower range than most men. Unless your wife is pushing for variety, your best plan is cut way back on your list of desired sex acts. Pay attention to how your wife reacts when you suggest or mention certain things and drop those she’s not clearly into. Your goal is a list that includes things she is doing and enjoying and a couple of things that will be a bit of a stretch for her. Be slow about adding things to your list, and be good about removing things if she won’t try them or seems not to care for them. You might be able to get more of what you want if you push, but doing this means your wife will be doing things she doesn’t enjoy, which will reduce her enjoyment of sex. Getting what you like at the cost of her liking sex less is a really, really bad plan. It’s also unsustainable. Plenty of men have ruined their sex lives this way. Radical Idea: Rather than focusing on your sexual satisfaction, how about focusing on making sex incredible for her? Do what she enjoys, and move in the direction she indicates. If you make sex better for her she will be interested in doing it more often, and in time she should be willing to stretch herself a bit. Necessary Caveat: If your wife is anti-sex, what I’ve said here is wise, but probably won’t result in any changes. If you’re in this situation, honestly ask yourself if you have contributed to your wife being anti-sex. Have you pushed her for things she didn’t want to do? Have you let her do things you knew she was not enjoying? If you helped create the problem you need to confess and apologise. |
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You have made some really good points!!! Being a married woman, who does not see married men, I get a lot of questions from married men. I ask their situation and, I would say, 90% of them, haven't tried anything! All I hear is, she won't have sex with me, she doesn't like sex anymore, it used to be great. So I ask, what have you tried? Im thinking a lot of it has to do with hormones as women get older. So I ask them, have you talked to your wife about seeing a doctor? Have you told her that you loved her and want that intimacy back? Of course, they say no!! Instead, the use that as an excuse to cheat. In my marriage, I asked my husband to see a doctor about his testosterone levels. He did and they were low. Do you know what he did?? Nothing!!! I need a really great kiss!!
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^^ I'm in total agreement with TXArmyWife... the married men I've talked to all say they're "afraid their wife will get upset" if they propose something sexually advanced or different, she just doesn't like sex any more... so they go right to cheating. As if THAT wasn't going to upset her! It's not that their wives aren't interested in sex or have a narrower range... they're just not interested in boring sex with a partner who puts zero effort into being a creative partner. So YES, marriage should focus on making both partners happy sexually, which unfortunately means a whole lot more work for the men than for the women.
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thank you for your comments means alot to see people care
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