252 posts 12/15/2007 9:19 am
Last Read:
5/12/2012 2:58 pm
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What a ho
| JollyOldStDick | Gold Member | | | Elderly elf seeks naughty slut! | Online Now! | | | 186 year old Man in North Pole, AR | | Looking For: Men, Women, Couples (man and woman), Couples (2 men) or TS/TV/TG for 1-on-1 sex, Discreet Relationship, Group sex (3 or more!), Bondage & Discipline, Exhibitionism/Voyeurism, Misc. Fetishes or Other "Reindeer" Games
| | | Profile for JollyOldStDick | | I'm an older fellow who still has an active desire to engage in any type of sexual activity. I’m definitely not getting any at home. The Mrs. bakes a mean fruit cake, but she’s as frigid as a snowman’s balls. She hasn’t visited MY north pole in close to a century! I definitely enjoy taking control in the bedroom.  Just lay back, relax, and let me drive the sleigh. I love to use whips and other toys. I’ve got a bag practically full of them! I travel quite a bit with my job and I’m willing to meet women from all around the world.
| | | My Ideal Person: | | Someone naughty. You know who you are. And so do I!
| | | What are your favorite musicians or bands?: | | Alice in Chains, Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie, Beastie Boys, Bing Crosby, Ramstein, Tiffany
| | Tell one of your favorite sexual fantasies. Don't hold back!:
| | Ho ho ho! What a naughty question! Well, there’s one fantasy that’s been at the top of my list for quite some time. I would love for you to sit on my lap and tell me what you want me to do to you. Then I would tie you up from head to toe and hang nipple clamps and other assorted ornaments from your body. After that, the oral sex!
| | | What location do you fantasize about for a sexual encounter?:
| | | A remote wilderness spot, in front of a fireplace, in a shopping mall, on a street corner, at 21,000 feet, under a waterfall
| | | Interact with JollyOldStDick | What types of sexual activities turn you on?: | | | Send an EmailOOOOOOOOSend him a wink | Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Sadomasochism, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Fetishes, Light Bondage, Candle Wax, Spanking, Threesomes, Slave/Master, Mutual Masturbation, Handcuffs/Shackles, Breast/Nipple Torture, Clamps, etc., Blindfolds, Leather, Latex, sneaking into your house through your chimney and watching you while you shower.
| | | Block Emails/WinksOOOOORefer to a Friend | Ever fantasized about having sex with a celebrity? Who? What turns you on about them?:
| | | Add to HotlistOOOOOOOOOSend Voice Message | Oh glory sakes!, Carmen Electra is in all of my fantasies.
She's a in one, a<b> dominatrix </font></b>in another, a grinch in the third, and on and on and on.........
| | | Private Chat RoomOOOOOOInvite to join my Network | View more of JollyOldStDick's responses | | | Testimonials for JollyOldStDick |
JollyOldStDick's Information:
| | | YuleBAmazed | Gender: | Man | His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
| Birthdate: | December 6, 1823 | | | (186 years old) | | IwillPutALogInYourFire | Sexual Orientation: | Bi-curious | | His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! | Lives in: | North Pole, Arkansas | | | (1,000,000 miles from you) | | IceQueen | Relocate?: | No | | What a jerk! First, the fat bastard stands me up. Then, he’s all like, “I’m sorry. I had to work”. Work? The friggin deadbeat only works one day a year!! When I finally DID meet him at Applebee’s, he got drunk and started asking me all these questions about “would you wear antlers and have sex with one of my elves?” I like elf sex as much as the next girl, so I’m like, “OK”, and we went back to his apartment. So he’s doing me from behind screaming out the names of all these other hos he’s fucked: “Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen!” and on and on… Cripes. This guy must have knocked boots with every stripper on the eastern seaboard. I went home hating myself. Would love to do it again, Dick! Call me! | Marital Status: | Married | | Height: | 5 ft 10 in / 177-178 cm | | Body Type: | Bowl full o’jelly | | Smoking: | I'm a pipe-smoker, if you know what I mean (wink wink) | | Drinking: | Eggnog and malt liquor | | Drugs: | I don't use Drugs. I’m high on life. And roofies. | | Education: | Some technical college | | Occupation: | Living freakin legend | | Religion: | Mormon | | Have : | 2,845,277,996 at last count. | | Want : | Sweet biscuits, no! | | Male Endowment: | The socks on the chimney are not the only things that are hung. | | Circumcised: | No | | Speaks: | The language of looooove. | | Hair Color: | Silver | | Hair Length : | Receding | | Eye Color : | Hazel | | Glasses or Contacts : | Glasses |
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864 posts 12/16/2007 10:24 am |
O.M.G.
You crack me so consistently up!!!!
rm_Package1971 replies on 12/16/2007 3:06 pm:
Good. Cause my next couple of posts will simply be me rambling on about how I can't get laid. I think that's what Adult Dating zone wants because they blocked this one the first time for "banned topic". I changed the words "Elderly Elf Seeks Slut-Puppy" by dropping the "puppy". I don't know. Maybe Adult Dating zone has something against puppies. Apparently, that's all it took, because they posted it the second time.
Anyway, you helped. Thanks for your inspiration with phrases like "the oral sex!" ... hee hee... *cracking up* |
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35813 posts 12/16/2007 3:22 pm |
You are sick, sick, sick!
and I love it! 
rm_Package1971 replies on 12/16/2007 8:03 pm:
You're right, Smarty. I need help. There is something very wrong with me. In clinical terms, you're what they call an "enabler"... |
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21089 posts 12/18/2007 8:47 pm |
I suspected most of this all along. But, but, but...
...BI-CURIOUS?
I'm shocked. Truly shocked.
Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
rm_Package1971 replies on 12/19/2007 4:30 am:
Oh, there are MANY things that I think would shock you if you knew the full story. Personally, I was surprised to learn that he is Mormon. |
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2413 posts 12/18/2007 9:29 pm |
i followed runzwithknives overe here.
i should have KNOWN she would lead me astray.
santas not a perv! is he? hmmm..i suppose i could be a chubby chaser if i knew he was for sure....
rm_Package1971 replies on 12/19/2007 4:34 am:
No kidding! You shouldn't do everything she does. The girl runs with knives for cryin out loud.
Santa is a HUGE perv. Remember the Paris Hilton sex tape? He was the guy. AND one of the reindeer. |
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12/20/2007 8:43 pm
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My dear friend, I think you have too much time on your hands.
Put your hands to better use on your own old saint dick stick!
Happy Holidays!
BPBCheck out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure! 
rm_Package1971 replies on 12/21/2007 4:38 am:
Noted. And I am taking care of that. At this very moment, in fact. |
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12/21/2007 11:31 pm
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lol....that IceQueen has issues...
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12/22/2007 9:41 am
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lol....yes, we all do!!
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