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Upbeat...
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Posted:May 14, 2012 6:06 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2012 4:26 am
16984 Views
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Trying to stay upbeat.
Called uncle after I got details Sat. night about funeral. Mini me was a little freaked after seeing a cousin post pic of my great aunt , looked alot like my grandm.
Went to funeral home this evening with mini me. She was really freaking. Her nerves on edge. Luckily she saw some people she knew. Family that is also part of the youth organization she belongs to, but much higher.
She also got the chance to meet one of my cousins....that was scary~! While we were at the funeral home we went ahead and went to my moms grave. Mini wanted to put flowers there. My cousin followed and we stood and talked. She is 5 months younger yet looks like she is 10 years older. She is a former meth/crack addict who is now clean. I am happy for her.
Tomorrow is the funeral. Mini me and I will go. My family (or what blood related I have) is dwindling.
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This is a Friday?
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Posted:May 11, 2012 7:56 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2012 11:22 am
16719 Views
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Wow, not sure this is a good indication of how my weekend is going to go.
Last night was bad. Didn't start that way...but it ended on a very bad note.
Mini me had a youth function to go to. So off we went. Now granted I work on the S.side of the city, mini goes to school on the S.side, the function is on the S.side as well. But we live on the N.side. And we had to kill a few hours before the function. Sorry, but in this day and time of gas prices...and being a single mom, just can't afford it!
So, get to the function. Had been on a MAJOR hunt for a white formal for mini for an upcoming youth funtion. Couldn't find one! So made plans with Pony to have her make a dress for mini. Measured mini, was ready to go!!! Then find out "Oh, thought you knew we aren't having the girls wear white now." NOPE!
Ok, so one less worry I guess. Then the girls go to practice their thing. I come back and find mini in tears. Turns out the dance moves she had spent the last month or so learning...has been changed. Right now...change is not good with her. That and she had a ton of homework, and a lot of studying to do for a major algebra test. And we didn't leave til after 9pm. So needless to say she had a major meltdown.
Which meant I didn't sleep. Too worried about her. Things had been looking good. Depression wasn't as prevalent. Last night took us back a few strokes....
Also found out yesterday my boss would be out today for meetings, so I would be covering her classes. They all went smoohtly! Yay me!!!
I get a call from the front office say I have a delivery....I was expecting something from my oldest in GA. She sent me a dozen (assorted colors) roses. They were beautiful I love her.
Fast forward to home. Alone. Quiet. And then...phone rings. It is an aunt here in the city. But when I answer it is her . (This aunt has been undergoing cancer treatment) This took my breath away, I was expecting the worst. But it wasn't my aunt, or at least not this one. It turns out another one....had passed in her sleep within that hour.
This aunt looked spitting image of my grandmother...this will be hard. I have to call my uncle in TX once I know details. Not the way I wanted to reconcile. Not the way I thought my Mother's day would go either. I think this will be a hard week...
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Missing in my life....
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Posted:May 9, 2012 5:22 pm
Last Updated:May 10, 2012 10:31 pm
16070 Views
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This is a sad blog so....stop now...just giving you the heads up.
A good friend lost her dad this morning. I really truly feel for her. To lose a parent is something I am sure we all have to do, but none the less it is painful.
I don't know what it is like to lose a father. I never knew one. I missed having a dad in my life. I had men in my life. Not all good. But not all bad either.
A step-grandfather who was used as a babysitter when my grandmother had to work on the occasional Sat. Turns out he was abusive...looking back now, I wonder how many turned their eyes to this sexual predator. Any man that preys on little girls (I can remember it being before I turned 6.....) is a very sick individual. When this man died in 2005 I was asked to write the obituary. Nobody ever believed my story.
I had an uncle who was like my big brother. His oldest was just a year and a half younger than me. I loved him very much. I loved his boys very much. I also loved his grandsons....I haven't spoken to my uncle in a little over 2 1/2 years now... His oldest died very suddenly and he changed. I miss him. My mini me misses him.
Now you have to understand, I don't really know what it was like to have a mother either. You see my mom was killed in a motorcycle vs pedestrian accident four days after I turned 9 months old. My maternal grandmother had to step in and raise me. She wasn't prepared for this. She did the best she could. But she was raised in another time frame. And I think the loss of her oldest two took part of her sanity. (She lost her first born at the age of 6 months old to whooping cough...then my mom at the age of 22 y.o.) She was abusive. Mentally, verbally and physically. But I know she loved me in her own way. We fought. I ended up getting married my senior year of high school partly to get out of the home.
We later made peace, for the most part. I came to understand things about her. She was doing the best she could. I can never thank her for taking me in. She died 12/17/05. Two weeks after my oldest's birthday, one month after mini me's birthday....I picked up her ashes on Christmas eve.
Mother's day is coming up this Sunday. I miss my oldest who is now living on her own in GA. I miss the mom I never had the chance to know. I miss my grandmother. I miss my uncle. I miss having family in my life.
So...take this chance to reach out to all the important people in your life. No matter who they are. Moms, dads, aunts/uncles, grandparents... You never know when they will be gone from your life.
I love you all....And thank you for being MY family!
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Show me
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Posted:May 6, 2012 11:13 am
Last Updated:May 7, 2012 4:53 pm
16496 Views
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Show me you want me...
Take me by the hand
Hold me tight against your heart
Never let me go.
Let your actions say the words
Let me know you care.
How do you show someone you care? That you want them to be apart of your life?
For me...I am one that will call, text, email, i.m., I tend to make sure that you know.
People try to hard to "impress" me. I don't want to be impressed, I want to be shown that you care. Money really doesn't buy love. I want the little things.
Take my hand as we are walking together. Pull my close into your arms as we sit an watch tv/movies. Lay that kiss on my head for no reason at all. Reach for me at night. And every once in awhile... Tell me. Tell me you want me in your life. Let me know I mean something....even if it is only as your friend.
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My own choice....kinda
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Posted:May 6, 2012 11:04 am
Last Updated:May 7, 2012 4:53 pm
16280 Views
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We make our own choices in life...most of the time.
Sometimes other things come into play to lean us one way or another in our decision making.
My body has a mind of it's own. I missed a dr. appt it seems in March. I never got a reminder letter, never recieved a reminder call. And matter of fact...I thought they said they would be contacting me with the date!
Needless to say, I recieved a letter stating that I had missed my appt with the specialist. So I called and rescheduled. Or tried to. I called the number they gave me. They said they would let my know when my appt is. Probably in June.
The procedure was done in Sept. My last "checkup" with the clinic was good back in Dec. But my body seems to be out of whack again.
I so want to fall alseep in someone's arms. I could have done that Fri. night. But because of my body, I chose to instead go home to my bed....alone.
I could probably be with someone if I gave them the inclanation that I wanted to be with them in a relationship. The thing is I don't know that that is what I want. I am trying to figure it out.
I know that doesn't make sense. But it does in my wee little mind.
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A song for you..... Part 1
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Posted:May 6, 2012 10:54 am
Last Updated:May 7, 2012 4:54 pm
16194 Views
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This blog has been going on (at least in my notes) for awhile now.
I know most of us (ok the women at least) have those moments when you hear a song on the radio and you can associate it with someone.
That is me.
For instance....
To my first love.....I was so in love with you. At 16 y.o. at least, you were my everything. Or so I thought. But then you left me broken. And there are those moments in time...where I still wonder where you are...are you happy....do you ever think of me?
Roy-LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE BOY by Denise Williams
'Cause every time he pulls me near I just wanna cheer Let's hear it for the boy Aaaah, let's give the boy a hand Let's hear it for my baby You know you gotta understand Maybe he's no Romeo But he's my loving one-man show Whooa, whooa, whooa-oh Let's hear it for the boy....
To you my ex husband.....these are the words that will always remind me of you. The words that were sang at our wedding. The song that is still on my ipod. I still believe that no matter what at one point...they were true. I mean without you...I wouldn't have my two beautiful daughters.
J-TOGETHER AS ONE by Stryper
Together as one...we'll stand for the world to see Together as one...we'll shine throughout eternity All the dreams..we dreamed of...are now reality You and I...in a perfect love...faithfully All the dreams...we dreamed of... are now reality... You and I...in a perfect love...faithfully
To the first guy who I was in a relationship with (or in his words we are just exclusive but not in a relationship, lol). The nights where I would awaken and reach for you. Only to hear this song playing from your office...a drink in your hand.
M-UNFORGIVEN by Metallica
What I've felt What I've known Never shined through in what I've shown Never be Never see Won't see what might have been What I've felt What I've known Never shined through in what I've shown Never free Never me So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN
To the rebounder....I knew all along where I stood. But I always hoped that maybe you would be the one. Even though my heart belonged to another. You were the one who opened my eyes. You showed me that this was my destiny in life....to always be the one to help others along to find their true love....
E-JAR OF HEARTS by Christina Perri
And who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars Collecting your jar of hearts And tearing love apart You're gonna catch a cold From the ice inside your soul So don't come back for me Who do you think you are?
To my jock.You took my heart. I knew from the first moment we met that you wanted nothing but a good time. And for that I have no regrets. I knew...and yet I still gave you my heart. I finally gave in and told you....and for that I lost you. I miss you my friend.
K-WALK ALL OVER YOU by AC/DC
Out of my way I'm running high Take your chance with me and I'll give it a try Ain't no woman in the world I know 'Cause I ain't looking for a woman's love Oh baby I ain't got much Resistance to your touch Take off the high heels, let down your hair Paradise ain't far from there I wanna walk all over you I wanna walk all over you Do anything you want me to, baby I wanna walk all over you Reflections on the bedroom wall And there you thought you'd see it all We're rising, falling like the sea You're looking so good under me I'm gonna walk all over you I'm gonna walk all over you Do anything you want me to do to you I'm gonna walk all over you Around and around in stereo, So gimme the stage, I'm gonna steal the show. Leave on the music, turn off the light Tonight is gonna be the night I'm gonna walk all over you I'm gonna walk all over you Do anything you want me to I'm gonna walk all over you Ow. I'm gonna walk all over you
Now there are many other songs that I could put on here. Other people that deserve a song....but I think this is a good start.
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Make today a Tuesday
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Posted:May 6, 2012 10:28 am
Last Updated:May 7, 2012 4:54 pm
16489 Views
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I watch stuff when mini me is not home. No, not that kinda stuff! Ok, sometimes I do but that's not what i'm talking about here today.
On the weekends when mini me is with her dad I watch tv shows or movies that she isn't interested in but that I am. Like today for instance. I rented a movie from Netflix. She read the description and was like, "No, doesn't sound all that good to me.". Which is fine with me. I mean that is what life is all about, everyone having their own opinions and likes/dislikes.
So today I put in the movie. Partly I figured that it would be a movie that I could doze off to, since I was tired and needed a nap. That was not the case. This movie made me think. It touched me.
I am not a "sports nut".I enjoy sports. I watch. I enjoy. But that isn't what my life revolves around. I love my job. (Most of the time). But again that isn't what my life revolves around. I do my best to make sure to make time for those in my life that mean something to me. This movie was about all of these things.
If you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend that you do. Stop, think, listen and take the words to heart. This movie was based on a true story. Based on a book. And for me...books are prized. So now I need to look for this book so that I can read it.
The movie is TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE. It was a very wonderful movie. This movie stars Jack Lemmon and Hank Azaria. Very wonderful movie about what really matters in life and especially when you know that life is coming to an end for you. Don't take those around you for granted, you never know how long they will be with you.
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Better to keep my mouth SHUT!
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Posted:May 5, 2012 2:00 pm
Last Updated:May 7, 2012 4:55 pm
16173 Views
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Went and hung out with my friend CJ last night. It was nice. We can snuggle on the couch and watch tv. No pressures, no expectations, just hanging out.
This has been a long week. Not a "bad" week, just long. You can tell the end of school is nearing. are acting like bigger squirrels than usual. Staff is definitely nuts! Lol...
Have had alot on my mind lately. Questions. Thoughts. I read things and it brings back memories. Hear a song on the radio and it makes me think of people.
Ok, here is the point that you might wanna stop reading.
Seriously....
Getting ready to let loose some pent up rage....kinda....
I am tired of hearing people bitch and moan about their life sucking so much when they are the reason it sucks! I mean HELLLO! If you aren't making an effort to better your life then suck it up and shut up! I know I gripe. But the difference is that I am trying. I put myself out there. I get my heart broken by people. And guess what? I pick up the pieces, dust myself off....and start all over again. Lesson learned.
I really don't like liars. And I am seeing that quite a bit lately. In my everyday life. I see it on the Bookface place. And it is getting old. I mean hello peeps...we are adults, let's be adults. Don't lie to your wife/husband, bf/gf, s/o. If you aren't happy, then say something! It might be a two way street. You might actually both find that you need to work on things together. And amazingly you might be happier in the long run.
I have alot of thoughts in my head right now. My life. My love life. My choices. And lots of questions. Really not ready to "voice" them yet though. Soon, very soon though I think I will have to make some choices. And ask some unsettling questions.
Ok, I feel better now...kinda. Lol.... You may now go back to your regularly scheduled playtime.
Love, hugs and big wet kisses from me the baby to you.
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I Want Action Tonight.....
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Posted:May 2, 2012 7:23 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2012 7:34 am
15784 Views
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I wanted action tonight.....satisfaction! I said I wanted it....didn't say I got it!
Ever have those moments? Where your body is wired? Wants satisfaction? Needs satisfaction? Your panties are wet....your lips are dripping with want....
Yeah, I so want to touch....but not gonna happen. It is all good though. I am happy. And I am sure that soon my needs will be met... One way or another!
I WANT ACTION TONIGHT by Poison
I want action tonight Satisfaction all night
I grab my hat and i Grab my shoes Tonight I’m gonna hit The streets and cruise
Down the main strip and Check it out With those schoolgirls A hangin’ around
Now I’m a sucker for a pretty face I don’t care if she’s in leather or lace Cause I’m just lookin’ for a little kiss
I want action tonight Satisfaction all night You’ve got the love I need tonight
Long legs and short skirts These girls hit me where it hurts
I can’t wait to get my hands on them I won’t give up until they give in
Now I’m not lookin’ for a love that lasts I need a shot and I need it fast If I can’t have her, I’ll take her and make her
I want action tonight Satisfaction all night You’ve got the love I need tonight
Hey, sweetheart, slide on in here No, not in the front, jump in the back Why? Cause there’s something back there I want to show ya I want action tonight Satisfaction all night Ah, come on honey, I wasn’t that bad! Oh, well
I want action tonight Satisfaction all night You’ve got the love I need tonight
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That was such a HOT dream!
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Posted:Apr 29, 2012 9:34 am
Last Updated:May 7, 2012 4:55 pm
15768 Views
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I haven't had any Aramis dreams in awhile. I feel neglected. I figure it is my work schedule. It has my mind running rampant. I toss, I turn...so no time for hot, wet, stimulating sexual excapades with Aramis in my dreams.
BUT WAIT..... Last night....as I snuggled into my bed....and I closed my eyes....I could almost smell my Aramis....feel the heat from his body....
.......as he pulled the hair away from my face so that he could look down into my eyes as my mouth stroked his rigid cock. My mouth caressing him. Suckling him. Taking every savory inch of his cock into my mouth. With one hand he had all my hair gathered. And his moans assured me that I was doing things just right.
As I timidly looked up at him through veiled eyes, I asked him what he wanted. What can I do? How can I pleasure you Aramis?
I want to feel you straddle me. I want to feel myself deep within you. Oh, that is something I so want to feel as well. So I slink my way up his body....stopping along the way to lavish some more attention on his cock...up his abs....to his nipples to tease a bit before settling myself upon his hard cock.
Slowly easing his rod of heat into my wetness. Our moans mingled into one. As I rode him....our bodies finding a rhythm. As he stroked deep within me I could feel the first explosion building. He pushed deep at just that moment and I looked down into his eyes filled with pleasure.
Onward, as my body recovered from the first orgasmic wave. His heat buried deep within mine. He reached one hand up and wove it through my hair pulling me farther into his web. As his other hand wound it's way around my neck to feel the pounding of my heart...my pulse racing.
As another wave washed over us. And another.... He pulled my face downward...pulling my face to his....his lips reaching out to meet mine....our tongues mingling in the darkness....
I will take you now he said in the darkness....and without a word I climbed off of him...postioned myself for the taking and let his animal come out and the primal beastly mating began. As I screamed into my pillows he pounded me from behind....the lust, the agression, the heat....
Finally he exploded and we both lay collapsed and unspoken. Our hearts racing. Our breaths labored. And the sheets soaked. As we fell asleep in each others arms...talking and laughing....I found myself feeling relaxed and happy. And it was in this post coital embrace that I found Aramis.....
I awoke this morning and as I rolled over from one pillow to the other I could have sworn I smelled Aramis. I reached for him...but the bed beside me was cold. There was no wet spot upon my bed when I pulled the sheets back. I hope Aramis finds his way back into my dreams again soon. I needed that. And hopefully the pleasure was twofold.....
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Somethings that should NEVER be said!
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Posted:Apr 29, 2012 9:05 am
Last Updated:May 1, 2012 4:24 pm
15500 Views
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You have those friends, the ones that keep you in stitches if you may, that can come up with the damnedest things to say!
"Oh a little anal seepage I see" GROSSSSS!
Now, I am not talking about people who have medical conditions. That is something entirely different. But when you finish up an awesome sexcapade and there is a wet spot. And the guy things YES! But alas no...it is not a hot wet spot from the lassie. It is a hot wet spot from the assie!
My friend CJ is that way. He cracks me up. And I have to say that I am really glad that he is my friend.
Hell I think he is the one that came up with the name "Aramis" for my dream lover. Good man, good brain, good dad, good friend. Now if we could only work on those......
Have another blog in my head, but just had to get that out there! It was burning too much of an image in my head!
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