I Want To Share A Little More About What I Love
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Posted:Sep 26, 2019 5:15 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 11:16 pm
1696 Views
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Hello Everybody
For the last several days, I have been feeling really horny. Why? I have been thinking of THE one thing I truly love, which is female feet. As y'all already know, I have a female foot fetish. I love female feet and I am not ashamed of that.
I have been thinking so much about female feet lately. Yes, I have been thinking so much about them lately. As a result of this, my own cock goes crazy just thinking about them.
I love it when female feet smell and stink. Yes, I love the aroma of female foot odor. Yes, I truly do. The more smelly and stinky a ladies' feet are, the better.
Each and every time I think about the wonderful smell of stinky feet, my cock goes crazy. My heart also beats faster and also, my mouth really waters. I also smile brightly as I think about them. I love to inhale the odor of them when I get the opportunity. As I said, the more stinky and smelly, the better. I love them stinky. I really do.
Not only that, when feet smell and stink, this simply means that they are tinged with lots of sweat on the toes and soles. I just love to suck sweaty toes and also, to lick sweaty soles. To me, the sweat on female feet tastes so good. I love the salty tinge of sweat on feet. I love to lick off the sweat on the soles and I would lick them until there is no more to lick. My heart is beating rapidly right now and my cock is going crazy just thinking about this and writing about it. I love it when a lady shoves her feet on my face, especially where my nose is so I can inhale the bouquet of her natural and tantalizing foot smell and stink. Yes, the smell and stink of female feet is really tantalizing to me. I love it.
To me, foot odor is one of THE best smells in the world. I love female feet. I love it when they smell and also, the taste of the womanly sweat against the flesh of their toes and soles, which tastes really delicious to me. I love female feet when they are smelly and stinky. I really and truly do.
I just wanted to share a little bit more about what I love and why I love. Thanks for reading. Please share your thoughts and feelings.
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A Few More Things I Need To Open Up About Myself Phase 2
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Posted:Apr 6, 2019 12:14 pm
Last Updated:Apr 6, 2019 6:52 pm
1894 Views
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In my life, I have had a lot of relationships, non-romantic, with others that weren't too healthy and were pretty much negative. These relationships were mostly with other guys who had promiscuous lifestyles and most of them tried to pressure into having a lifestyle like that. As I've shared, I always refused and this has been the source of a lot of stress and tension, which only added to the emotional problems that I've been struggling with for a long time throughout my life. I have been in therapy for my emotional issues and problems, mostly for unresolved anger and rage and also, for depression and many other mental health issues.
As stated, I've lived through many negative relationships, mostly with other guys who were promiscuous. But I want to talk about one relationship that I've had that was, I think, the worst of them all. This was also a guy that I've had the most difficult, if not impossible, time with, since junior and senior .
This particular guy was very promiscuous. He talked off and on about his promiscuous lifestyle a lot as that was all he really ever talked about. He never really cared if nobody wanted to hear about it as he just kept talking about it. It was always him talking about how much he was getting laid, how much pussy he was getting and how many ladies he bedded on a regular basis.
But that wasn't the worst part of it, although this guy had all the symptoms of being a sex addict, as mainly, he would always talk about it regardless of whether nobody wanted to hear about it or not. he also would speak a lot of misogynistic things about women as well and would always sexually objectify them. He also felt that everybody should be and live like him and if anyone wasn't being or living like him, that is when the tension and the name calling would begin. He also accused me of other things without proof in a judgmental type way. He accused me of being a Homosexual/Gay person and even accused me of having sexual relations with my own , although that never ever happened between and my . Again, it only added to the tension and simply made matters much worse than they were already at that particular time.
This guy also was your typical and trademark narcissist. He was very narcissistic. He always bragged about how big he was down . He always bragged about how much he got laid. He always bragged about how many ladies he bedded, and also, bragged about how much pussy he was getting. When I chose not to copy him or his lifestyle and his attitude, he would make the target of name calling, insults, making me bad in front of others and always constantly rubbed my nose with his promiscuous lifestyle. Even to this day, he's still a narcissist and times, still has a habit of making me bad in front of others. It isn't as bad as it was then, but it is still pretty bad. Narcissism has always been a big turn-off for and it still is. I hate narcissism. I don't hate the people who are narcissistic. I simply hate the narcissism that they have.
Even if I wasn't listening and getting involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses (JW) religion. Even if I didn't believe, or thought I believed, what they taught about sex, dating and relationships of that sort. His narcissism and his attitude and conduct sacred . I was afraid that I would become like him if I started having a promiscuous lifestyle like he did. I didn't want to be a narcissistic sex addict like he was. I simply chose to stay a virgin and avoid anything sexual as a result of that. My feelings were always hurt. I was always depressed and felt pretty unmanly. He made me feel like I wasn't man enough and that I was a coward for not wanting to have sex or wanting to get some like he was. I really wasn't a coward. I was simply afraid that I would turn into a narcissistic sex addict and guy like he was. His conduct gave me the worst impression. I also was afraid that if I did all of that and turned like him, I would lose the respect that many people had for and still have. I didn't want to risk losing all that I worked hard to get. It took a long time to become the man of respect that I am today. I still have people respecting me, including members of my own graduating . This guy made sex and anything related to it dirty and unpleasant. His misogynistic attitude, alongside his narcissism, also scared as I didn't want to be a misogynist like he was. His attitude towards women and what they were bordered on misogyny. I think women are beautiful people worthy of being respected by men and should never ever be objectified in a sexual way because of their biological differences and the way their bodies are. Women deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. I do feel that way and still feel that way.
The worst thing he did was try to force me into sexual activity with a . He even abused his friendliness by doing so. I said NO as I wasn't sure. I was only trying to protect myself. With AIDS being a factor nowadays, I wasn't sure about this. He repeatedly tried to force and insist that I said YES to this, but instead, I ran away and just to spite , he for it anyway and subsequently cut off. He never helped again after that and expected to have to for it, but I didn't have the of to even think of it. Prior to this, I had a couple of bad accidental experiences with a couple of black prostitutes and after those terrible experiences, I made it my resolution to stay away from prostitutes and I've kept that resolution to this day. His subsequent cutting off and refusing to help after that only made see that he really didn't care whether I had sex with a woman or whether I got any pussy or not. He only wanted to start fights and arguments with me just so others' could say ", what Frank is doing to this guy is messed up. I feel sorry for this guy that Frank is refusing all of these things with as it is messed up and selfish of Frank to do these things." Again, he would always make me bad in front of others as a result of not satisfying his selfish, self serving and narcissistic ego. Although he's now married, he still hasn't changed as he is still much of what he was then and still is now.
To top it all off, this guy, being the way he was attitude wise and all, was and still is a church going guy. He would speak objectively about women and their bodies and use their bodies for his own twisted and hateful type pleasures, but yet, continued going to church each and every week. IMHO, he was a terrible hypocrite.
All of that, coupled with the rigorous JW religion and their man-made teachings and this guys narcissism and misogyny, made me feel all messed and screwed up inside. I still don't know what is right and what is wrong in regards to sex and anything related to it. As I said, I need someone to teach me about all of this and put me back on the right track. I still need to reclaim my true identity and restore what I have lost identity wise. I need help and also, I need to get back on track emotionally. I have lots of negative emotional energy and issues that I need to turn positive. Any help is appreciated. This is why on this site and looking for some sexual fun and also, maybe meet someone who can help me reclaim my identity and bring my dignity back. I've lost my identity somewhere and I need to find it again. Again, hoping that I can meet someone who can help me in this way. Yes, I am hoping and hopefully one day, I'll meet that person.
More to come in the future. Stay tuned.
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A Few More Things I Need To Open Up About Myself Phase One
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Posted:Apr 4, 2019 4:05 pm
Last Updated:Apr 4, 2019 6:17 pm
2347 Views
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Over the many years, I have been accused of having certain phobias by many, mostly , who know . These phobias are in regards to anything sexual and the opposite sex. However, I have found these to be absurd and even also, a form of ignorance on the part of them, mostly people.
I have been accused of having Genophobia (a.k.a. Coitaphobia and Erotophobia), which is the fear of anything sexual in regards to normal sexual intercourse (where the man inserts his erect genitals into the genitals of a willing and consenting female), but this is not true. one time, when I was still a the age of , I experimented with this by putting my hard-on into the pussy/cunt of another , but there was no movements made by me as I was unaware of moving my cock back and forth and didn't learn about this until I saw my first porn movie. It was simply an experiment and that is all that it was. It did feel good for me to do that as I found out how it felt to have my cock inside a 's cunt.
Another accusation made was that I had Eurotophobia, which is the fear of female genitals. This is also not true. I only performed oral sex on a /lady twice in my life. Once when I was a I licked a little 's pussy because she wanted to and then the next time was a bachelor/stag party the age of 28, when I did it again and almost made the stripper come. She said that I did her like a pro. She made me see that I had the ability to please a woman in that way and didn't realize it.
I have a feeling that I may have a fear of intimacy? Though sort of, but not too sure. It's just that I've been used many times by many people, both and female, and many ladies used for my emotions and also, for my , even though many males have as well. There have been ladies who played games with my emotions and even times, wanted to ruin me financially. I am always afraid that I might meet an abusive lady who only wants me so she can play games with my emotions. I have been hurt so many times in my life by ladies and by men. always scared of getting hurt again by a lady. I was always saying NO to possible relationships of impulse and also, offers for sex with ladies. I was afraid that after my virginity was taken away, I would get dumped after that and feel like I was being used simply for my virginity. Once virginity is gone, it's gone forever and there's no way of getting it back. Plus, as a result of the Jehovah's Witnesses teachings of sexual things, I held onto my virginity for so long. still a virgin today the age of 49. I would love to get my identity back and maybe one day, finally lose my virginity to someone who won't dump me like a potato after that. I also struggle with erectile dysfunction as a result of my avoidance of sex and anything related to it as a result of all the rigorous religious teaching, the sexual abuse that I endured and also, the physical and emotional abuse that I endured, including, but not limited to, the bullying that I endured through my early junior and senior years, although I did have a wonderful senior year where I was a popular guy and made a lot of friends to where I was the big man on campus, but I still remember all those years of being bullied and even almost losing my life when I was chased into the path of two oncoming cars one Saturday night in April of 1987. As stated previously, I was also the victim of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my own father when I was in between the ages of 8-9 as he repeatedly physically beat and abused emotionally by not letting express myself nor even letting explain my side of the story when miscellaneous things happened.
I even have a feeling that afraid of commitments. Again, not too sure. I have never really had the opportunity for any commitments when it comes to relationships of that sort. However, as a result of all the mess that happened to me, which includes all of the abuse, physical, emotional, and religious abuse and also, being dehumanized by all of this abuse, including all the harassment of the bullies and as a result of it all, I feel totally messed up and confused as I really don't know what is right or what is wrong in regards to sexual matters. I've heard so much of this and so much of that, which has caused me to not know which bridge to cross or what choices to make. I still struggle with erectile dysfunction, which is mostly emotional, but there are a few health issues as well, but I can still get a morning erection, which happen within the wee early morning hours and I can still get hard or near hard by manipulating my genitals, but at times, the feeling of ejaculation can come way too soon before it reaches full hardness. This is simply something that I have to get worked . I am just hoping that I can do it without any drugs or something. I may need sex therapy, but don't know where to get it within the area where I live. This is why reaching to all of you and maybe one or some of you can help me. Any help is good help right now.
Hopefully, one day, I can meet someone who is a therapist in this regard and maybe hopefully, point me in the right direction. still hoping for that day to come and for that person/therapist that would like to and also, can help me.
More to come. Stay tuned.
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A Problem I've Struggled With All Of My Life
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Posted:Mar 31, 2019 4:30 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 11:16 pm
1563 Views
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This was posted in an EX-JW (Jehovah's Witnesses) Facebook group that I'm a member of:
How many times will you say yes when you wish you could say no,
How many times will you be somewhere that you didn't want to go.
How many times have you done what you didn't really want to do,
How many times did you pretend to be someone else other than you.
How many times did you stay quiet when you wanted to scream,
How many times did you wish that it was all just a bad dream.
How many times were you afraid you might do something wrong,
How many times have you felt weak when you wanted to be strong.
How many times have you thought about how you could try to get away,
How many times will you be mistreated before you decide you cant stay.
How many more times will you take their shit before you decide to fight,
All it takes is just one more time for you to decide to do what's right.
Get out now, leave it all behind and don't look back once you're free,
They cant control you anymore so you can become whoever you choose to be.
My initial response:
"Let me add this one; "How many times have you said NO when you wish you could've said YES" This has been an issue with me throughout my life"
The person's reply:
"just realized that even when you reverse that line has the same feeling and same meaning and now I just realized I'm going to write that exact same thing opposite"
My response to his reply:
As I've said, this has been an issue with me throughout my life. I still struggle with this. There were times that I wanted to say "YES" to certain things, but always said "NO". The JW's that I was studying with at the time taught me to say "NO" in regards to anything sexual out of wedlock and to also say "NO" to oral sex. I did all of that, but really didn't want to. They taught me that saying "NO" to these things was doing the right thing, but somehow, deep down, I felt that I was doing something wrong. I wound up hurting others' feelings by my constantly saying "NO" when I really wanted to say "YES". I missed on too many good times with my real worldly friends as a result of the foolishness that the JW's taught me through their man-made doctrines and rubbish. I was simply a young man who was still very naive and very vulnerable and they knew in that state, they could feed me anything and I would accept and believe it without question and accept all of what they taught as "THE Truth". I wasted my entire youth and young adulthood listening to these terrible hypocrites and accepting everything and swallowed it all hook, line and sinker. I wish that I could go back in time and stop myself from making that terrible mistake. I missed out on too many good times and passed on too many possibly good relationships with ladies due to my JW involvement as the young ladies wren't JW's and those in the borg taught me not to have anything to do with them because of that. I'm still living with that to this day. I'm also still not fully healed from all the negative effects of that terrible religion that I suffered, but hope to one day when I find the right group of people to help me along. Thanks though for sharing.
What does this have to do with sex and meeting soul mates? A lot.
As I've shared before, I have said NO to many offers for sex and also, missed out on too many relationships as a result of this. I now found out that the problem is "Impulsivity" as I was always impulsively saying NO when it came to these good things. The thing is that saying NO became the easiest thing to say rather than YES. My impulsivity cost me too many relationship opportunities and possibly great sex with other ladies. My JW involvement was what caused me to say NO when I really didn't want to. It was only when I realized later on that I was doing this to please men who were leading rather than God or anything having to do with God. At times, I wish that I could turn back the clock and stop myself from getting involved with them and to also stop saying NO out of impulse and start saying YES, although I know I can never do that. It makes me sad and full of regret as a result. I'm 49 years old and hoping that one day, I can meet someone where I can be helped to overcome all of my fears and inhibitions so I can get the most out of life. I'll be renewing my Gold membership soon. When I do, I can start contacting others. Please be patient. Thanks.
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I'm Now A Gold Member
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Posted:Jan 3, 2018 2:15 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 11:16 pm
1418 Views
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Hello Every
I am now a Gold Member as of now. I will be a Gold member for months thanks to a site promotion. I'm ready to be contacted. Looking forward to meeting any who wants to meet me. Thanks.
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I Have To Share Something
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Posted:Dec 31, 2017 3:11 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 11:16 pm
1532 Views
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Hello Everyone
This morning, I got sort of a sexual turn-on or trigger today. Upon hearing what some said about liking shrimp, my mouth watered and I almost got hard hearing that.
I know what you're thinking. What does the word "shrimp" have to do with sexual stuff and triggering a sexual turn-on?
As you read in my profile, I adore female feet as they are my fetish. In sexual slang, to "shrimp" or the act of it, "shrimping", simply means to suck the toes on the feet. Yes, that is what it means. Shrimping simply means sucking another's toes. I remember sucking on another girls' toes when I was younger. It was in elementary school and we hid behind a bush in front of the school and nobody ever found out about it nor caught us. It was fun and that is how my female foot fetish started. I have always been fond of female feet. I still am. In fact, just talking about this is making my mouth water big time. I haven't sucked any ladies' toes or licked her foot bottoms in a long time. I would love to start doing that again one day. In fact, I'm not afraid to have it videoed where I do these things to a ladies' feet and sucking her toes. It's pretty wild.
My own private parts are starting to stiffen as I'm talking about this. I just had to share this with all of you. WOW! What a day. I was actually thinking about this the rest of the day. It really took me back to that first day I sucked on a girls' toes. I enjoyed that very much back then. She also let me suck her little pussy as well. WOW! and again, What a day.
I just thought I'd share this with y'all. I'm hoping to one day meet a lady who will let me make love to her feet by me licking them on the bottom and sucking her toes. That would be great and terrific. Yes it would.
Will write more later. Take care y'all and please share and express your thoughts and also, drop me a personal note in my e-mail box here on this site. Thanks.
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What I'm Looking For
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Posted:Dec 23, 2017 6:04 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 11:16 pm
1480 Views
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Hello Everyone
As my profile says, I'm looking for some real loving and fun. I am looking to meet not only women, but maybe open couples and also, groups. Yes, I really want to have some real fun and learn how to really love. I have never been able to learn anything as a result of being blinded by the cult of Jehovah's Witnesses (JW's) and their man-made doctrinal rubbish and hypocrisy. For many years, I have been held captive by all of this and want to make that big step away. If any former JW ladies are on here and are totally liberated from the cult's rubbish and two faced teachings, that would be really super. Even an open former JW couple will do or even better, a taboo practicing family.
I also need to look for sex therapy as well. I struggle with a lot of emotional issues, which I have talked about in numerous posts here on this site, and I need to also overcome these as these issues are also blocking me and my true identity from coming to the surface. I am still looking for healthy and authentic friendships with other men, especially older men who are knowledgeable and know how to treat their fellow men with the respect and dignity each man deserves to be treated. I am currently in mental health therapy, but still need more. If anyone knows a good sex therapist in the Western New York (WNY) area, please let me know. Thanks.
I feel that I'm ready to make that big step, but still need some advice. If anyone wants to contact me via personal e-mail through here and share an alternate way that I can contact them, please send me a personal message through here into my mailbox. The sooner I hear from any of you, the sooner we can make the arrangements to meet each other.
However, you must live within the Niagara Falls, NY and surrounding WNY areas. I want to stay close to home as much as possible. I want to make that big step. Thanks to anyone in advance for contacting me. I'm looking forward to meeting anyone in my home area for some real loving and fun. Thanks.
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Another Thing I Need To Talk About
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Posted:Dec 19, 2017 5:54 pm
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2017 3:23 pm
1796 Views
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Hello Every
Last night,I diussed that I also had other reasons why I avoided anything sexual. There is area that I haven't shared nor talked about yet and that is my issues with trust.
Yes, I have trust issues. Why? For most of my life as I was growing up, I was the victim of bullying. I was bullied repeatedly by many, including those who were so ed friends, such as the narcissistic guy that I talked about last night. I was also bullied violently and my life was also threatened on many occasions during those terrible and difficult times. I was ed names repeatedly and was also the target of violence. I was thrown against walls and was beaten repeatedly by so ed tough guys who were chicken shit's because I couldn't fight for myself. I was also bullied into performing sexual things on other guys for their pleasure and was also the victim of a terrible violent sexual episode at the hands of a man who lived in my neighborhood when I was 16 old. I also almost lost my life when I was 17 after becoming the victim of getting hit by cars ago on a Saturday night when I was chased by a bunch of guys into them. I survived and healed, but the identities of those guys were never found out as nobody did anything to find out who the culprits were. This not only intensified my anger and rage, but also contributed to my trust issues that I have. They were instigated by my father who physiy and emotionally abused me. The other contributions were the bullies and the hool administrators who did really nothing to stop the bullying. It was like the bullies were the real s running things and the hool administration were just getting paid to sit on their butts. I also was the victim of violence at the hands of a boyfriend that my sister had ago who not only beat her, but also beat me and assaulted me. He also ed me names such as "fucking retard", "stupid fucking little shit", "stupid little mother-fucker" and many other nasty stuff. I was also ed "retard" or"retarded" by other as well. My Jehovah's Witnesses (JW's) involvement also contributed to my trust issues as they taught me that I couldn't trust any so ed "worldly friends" and that I had to say NO to offers of sex and anything related to it as single people had no business having anything sexual as that is only strictly reserved for married people only. JW's are simply not only an extreme legalism practicing group, but also an extreme moralist type group that thrive on shoving their moralism on any who they know is not only young, but also very vulnerable. I was both young, naive and very vulnerable.
Later on, I realized that instead of hiding behind a religious cult, such as JW's, I should have just been open with my real friends about my issues, including trust, rather than hide behind something, such as a conditionally loving religious cult, which the JW's really are. They love bomb people when they first start with them, but when the "you know" hits the fan, the love bombing stops and then, all the relentless abuse and needless critical baly follows. They also kept telling me that I have to do more to please "God" than I was doing. I was doing the best that I could do, but it was never enough and after all the lies that I was a victim of, the relentless criticisms that I endured, their continuous abuse of Holy Bible riptures to suit their man-made doctrines and agenda, alongside a bitter argument that I had with my last study conductor that resulted in me leaving his place angry, hurt, cheated on and lied to, I dropped out and haven't looked back. This realization that I should have listened to those who truly cared about me made me regret the decisions that I supposedly made, which were all emotional manipulation and brainwashing in the worst sense. I really wanted to have sex of all kinds, but couldn't as a result of the baly teachings of a religious cult who preach that sex out of wedlock, oral sex and Homosexuality(including bisexuality and anything else related to it) is wrong and sinful, but cond the evil practice of pedophilia. They also don't do anything to their victims of this evil practice. They leave their who were/are victims crying and feeling not only shame, but also the pain of being used as some's thing for their own sick, evil and twisted perversions. I know what that's like as I too am a victim of sexual abuse myself, as I have said many times on here. At times, when the pain comes, I feel like crying as I can still feel the pain as fresh as I initially felt it when the abuse happened. The religious abuse of the JW's also messed me up and twisted me around mentally.
I would love to get these issues resolved. My issues with anger, rage, fear, being ared and trust are the issues that i want and need to get resolved, but I really don't know how to go about getting them resolved. I am in therapy as I have been all of my life and I need some ideas or advice. I need to know what has worked for any of you if any of you have had these same issues. I have also said angry things to myself under my breath and there is nobody around when this happens. It's being angry at dead air and it makes me miserable. Again, if any here has any ideas or advice, I'm open to any suggestions. Please share in answers/replies to this post. Thanks in advance for anything ful. As I said, I'm open to any ideas or suggestions.
Will write more when I can. Thanks and take care y'all.
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A Follow-Up After A Week
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Posted:Dec 18, 2017 4:55 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 11:16 pm
1613 Views
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Hello Everyone
In my last post, I shared a little more in regards to my religious background and mistakenly getting involved with the cult known as Jehovah's Witnesses (JW's) which is why I am still suffering from erectile dysfunction, but there were other contributors, such as being sexually abused by men when I was younger and the hurtfulness that I feel as a result of that. I still feel pain in other ways as well from that. I have been in therapy for a long time and I would like to seek other therapies as well, such as sex therapy. I really need all the help and therapy that I can get. Right now, I'm in mental health therapy where I do take psychiatric medication daily, but it isn't enough. I need more, but I don't know how to go about getting it. I'm thinking that the next time I see my current therapist, I will ask about sex therapy and ask if they know of any sex therapist that I can see. It would be great to get this psychological monkey off of my back and regain not only my erectile potency, but also, my true identity, which is male.
Also, I did bring up that I was selfish for not letting others' help me when they wanted me to give sex a try. As I said, I only said no as a result of what the JW's taught me and was only doing what I was taught was the right thing to do. It took me a long time to realize that I was set up to sabotage my relationships and was also being emotionally manipulated and brainwashed by them when they fed me their man-made doctrinal rubbish through their books and other publications and such. They really love using the activity of "sex" to prey on vulnerable youngsters, which is what I was when I was seeking and trying to find what was right and wrong. They fed me that sex is strictly for those who are married and not to be used casually. I swallowed everything hook, line and sinker. It also made me regret getting involved with them, although that regret really didn't sink in until 2002 when the pedophile scandals were being exposed on TV news shows, such as Dateline NBC. I believed all of that they taught me only to later realize that it was all for nothing. It only left me miserable yearning for sex, but I was scared of doing that as s result of their teachings and anything related to them. I still have that fear because the JW's really put the fear of damnation in me. I want to heal from the negative affects of both the sexual abuse I suffered and endured and from the negative affects of the JW religious cult. I would like to meet others ladies here for some real loving and fun. I also want to start learning how to do it and learn how to be a good lover. I also want to regain my potency as I am sick of the psychological ED that I have. I would like to meet other guys for friendships and maybe, I can learn from them on how to be a man and the man that I'm meant to be.
There were also other reasons why I refused to have sex and it wasn't just the JW religious cult. The guys that tried to get me to have sex had attitudes like you wouldn't believe, especially this one guy. This particular guy was a narcissistic type. He always talked more about himself and continually rubbed my nose with his promiscuous lifestyle. He bragged about how much he was getting and how big he was down below and all that. I was afraid that if I started to screw around like he was, I would turn out like him and be the same type of guy/person that he was. He's still the same narcissistic type as he still continues to brag so much about himself. Narcissism is one of the biggest turn-off's for people, both male and female and it's a terrible personality quality. I don't like narcissism as it does turn me off. This is why I avoided sex and anything related to it as a result of this guy's/person's narcissism. I was simply afraid that I would turn out like him if I started having sex and screwed around. I also didn't want to become an addict of sex as he was also an addict. His sex life was all that he talked about and again, he continually rubbed my nose in his promiscuous lifestyle. He didn't care whether I didn't want to hear about it or not and that was another reason as he boasted and bragged about his sex life constantly. All of these things led me to have the issues that I have right now and I would love to get them resolved. I would love to overcome the scared feelings that I have and I am hoping to meet someone or some people to help me. I am hoping to meet someone or some people soon that would love to help a guy like me. Hopefully, I will meet someone through this site and we can get to know each other and set a time to meet and get to know each other and after that, to let the fun begin. I am serious about wanting to have some real love and fun and I hope to have that one day. I am just tired about being in the rut that I am in and want to get out of this rut somehow. I want to feel like a man and feel like a whole person. Yes, I do.
Will write more when I can. Thanks for reading and take care y'all.
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How Long Has It Been
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Posted:Dec 11, 2017 2:47 pm
Last Updated:Dec 11, 2017 2:49 pm
1919 Views
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My apologies for not being as regular as I want to be, but I have been so busy with life and work. I work as a janitor for a local drug/alcohol rehab facility and it is a pretty hard, but wonderful job. The people, both staff and , like me and enjoy the job that I've been doing. I have been there since late April of this year and it's been good.
Okay, now to business. In my last post, I revealed that I was a part of a religious cult when I was very young in my early 20's. This religious cult, known as the Jehovah's Witnesses, (JW's), taught me that sexual activity should be had only within marriage and used strictly for reproductive purposes only. During my brief year involvement, I was repeatedly criticized by my last study conductor. I was also the victim of lies by a few young ladies who made up untrue stories about me to the elders and though I continued to plead my innocence and that I didn't do any of the things they accused me of, they took the word of the lying young ladies over mine. All of this religious abuse really messed me up and after I did drop out when those were over, I still couldn't say yes as I always kept saying the impulsive "NO!" when it came to anything sexual. I was always asked to have sex, but kept saying "NO!" to the offers. My guy friends wanted to get me laid and have me get some, but I also said "NO!" to them as well. I realize now that I was selfish not wanting to say yes, especially when my real guy friends wanted to me, but later on, as a result of my selfishness, I lost them and never got from them anymore for a time. Nowadays, they are all married with families and though I'm happy for them, I hate myself for the selfishness that I had by inexcusably refusing them and their offers. I also realized that this particular religious cult hides behind their religion to try and hide the fear that they have for themselves and their bodies. They also take narcissism to the limits as they always make sure that they always have the upper hand in any arguments or disagreements they have with people, be it in their fold or out in the world when they try to shove (for lack of a better world) their man-made doctrinal rubbish on others and emotionally manipulate them into believing these things and while doing that, make your decisions for you and make you think, in their own way using that tactic of emotional manipulation, that you're making the decisions yourself and then, they can brainwash that person into believing that they are and have "THE Truth", and there is no other. I was a victim and that stinks. I am still in recovery from their baly and haven't fully recovered yet. I have been out for 23 , but until 2002, I always held onto the point of "What if they're right?" for a long time after that.
That is, until 2002, when I learned on a Dateline NBC expose that year about their ineffective ways of handling sex abuse cases. On corner of their mouths, the JW's teach that sexual relations out of wedlock is wrong and sinful, alongside Homosexuality (including bisexuality and lesbianism), bestiality, oral sex (including between married people), anal sex and many other types of sexual things, but yet, they cond pedophilia, which is the sexual activity with young . They actually hide these perverted types and protect them from authorities, but do little if nothing to their victims. I have met many in other EX-JW groups on Facebook who were victims of this and their molesters were not turned over to the proper authorities, but chose to "leave it in God's hands" and the problem would take care of itself and plus, they also have a rule where " witnesses" have to see the evil taking place. This is terrible. I feel for these victims because I too was a victim of sexual abuse in my own right and I feel their pain and feel their sadness and anger as I also have these same things. I would never even think of doing that to a as are not sexual beings at their real young ages. Granted, many do like to explore other's bodies and games like "show me yours, I'll show you mine" type and I did do this as a myself, but my experiences of being abused sexually happened a little later and it also contributed to my being messed up and the worst part was that the sexual abuse by other males. No religious group of any kind is "THE Truth" if they cond this sort of thing and do little to their real young victims, which are their own . Plus, no deserves to be abused in any way, shape or form. abuse of any kind is inexcusable. abuse messes up and causes wounds and pain that may take a long time to heal and at times, many don't get fully healed and they live with their pain, wounds and worse, the shame for the rest of their lives. I am still living with these things and again, I still haven't fully recovered from either the religious abuse and the sexual abuse. If JW's do come to your door or try to preach to you on the street, don't open your door to them and also, tell them to take a walk if it's a street experience. I don't want any to become victims of them like I was.
I also did seek advice from these EX-JW's who I communicate with regularly on Facebook. told me that I was still ared and that, though she meant it nicely, go to a brothel and get it over with. The thing is that there is no brothel in my hometown of Niagara Falls, NY, and even there was , I wouldn't have the as that is pretty expensive nowadays. Plus, the high risk of AIDS and HIV is also a factor. I am still a virginal male at my age of 47 and I know that I can stay a virgin forever,but I do have psychological erectile dysfunction and hardly any desires as I feel that my sexual desires have died or maybe they're asleep and need to be reawakened. I don't know how to do that and nobody has offered any real advice. I would love to feel sexual desires for women and have the desires like any normal guy has for them. I simply need advice and any advice by y'all here will be welcomed. Thanks very much in advance. I am sick of being in this terrible rut and yearning to want to, but not being able to. Again, all advice of all sorts is welcomed. Thanks again.
Will write more when I can. Ta Ta for now.
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Time Passes By Pretty Fast
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Posted:Apr 29, 2012 4:51 pm
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2019 5:22 pm
2461 Views
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Hello Fellow Followers and Readers
I know that I haven't been on here in a long time. I have been really battling some issues, mainly depression, tiredness and also, as a result of those, I really didn't know what to say or how to say it. This week, I had an appointment with the nurse practitioner at the local hospital. I talked with her for only a few minutes and after that, I got a new prescription for my medication. I suffer from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies. But please, don't be frightened away. I am not a threat to anyone nor am I disconnected in any way. In my introductory message on my profile, I say that I am disabled and again, I hope that it isn't a problem. It is just a very difficult life that I live dealing and struggling with the symptoms of this disorder and believe me, I really don't know what my mood will be one day or the next. It is a never ending roller coaster ride as my emotional mood is either going up and/or going down. It is unpredictable.
Okay, now to business. I have promised to reveal a lot more of myself that I haven't revealed yet. It is a lot of painful stuff and I feel that the only people who will understand are those who have been through this themselves. It is a story of sexual abuse, religious abuse and domestic violence that I witnessed in my life. It is not a very pretty story that I will be telling. I just thought that I would warn all of you ahead of time.
Okay, here goes:
In my last post, I shared that I visited with my sexual abuse support counselor, where I meet one on one with the counselor and discuss the pain and all the negative emotions associated with the sexual abuse that I suffered and endured at the hands of pedophiles in my life. I was the victim of a pedophile at three separate intervals of my life. No, it wasn't the same person. They were all different people. At the age of 7, a man who lived in my neighborhood masturbated in front of me. At 10, a 16 year old talked me into performing oral sex on him. The worst happened when I was 16, when another man in my neighborhood forced me into something sexual and it was also the most painful experience of my life. I sometimes still feel the pain of that forceful thing when I have to defecate. There were also other instances when other males used me for their pleasure and there were many of those instances too numerous to mention. I have been in therapy for this since 1999 when I started to come to grips with the sexual abuse and the issues surrounding it all. I am still learning to deal with the pain and how to handle all of it, though admittedly it isn't an easy thing to do. I am trying to let it all go and refuse to continue to be a victim and a prisoner. It isn't easy, but I am determined to one day be totally free.
As far as religious abuse went, most of it was what I suffered at the hands of my father who continues to claim to be a non-denominated Christian. While still a , when I was between the ages of 8-9, my father physically and emotionally abused me. He used his religious ways as an excuse to do all that he did to me. He would repeatedly slap me around. He would repeatedly verbally emasculate me and insult me, including calling me every negative name in the book like stupid, worthless and that I would never amount to anything if I didn't stop behaving like I did. I often wondered what was he talking about. I acted like any normal did, but my father always loved to push the Christian agenda thing one step too far. He would always say things like "You have to act like a Christian." and would not let me do things that I wanted to do as a result of my "non-Christian behavior" and he never gave me any answers as to what he meant by that. He also tried to control everything around. He tried to make the house we were living in; "The perfect little Christian home." free of all worldly influences and when anything didn't match nor meet to what he was trying to do, we all suffered. By "we", I mean his wife that he was married to at the time and her from a previous relationship. We suffered abuse either physically and/or emotionally. I went through that for nine months of my life as a and I still haven't recovered from those wounds. Though my mother did rescue me from all of that, the damage had already been done. I have been in therapy since then and taking psychiatric medication.
My father was only half of it. The other half came from my experiences in a religious cult. I got involved with them when I was in my early 20's for only two years. It was at a time when I was very vulnerable in a spiritual sense. I was searching for spiritual direction and there were neighbors of mine who followed the cult and they helped me sell me on everything that they taught. I swallowed everything they taught me hook, line and sinker. They had me believing that they were the one true way to God and that everybody else was not the true way, but numerous false ways. I dropped out after two years due to some negativism that had happened regarding me when certain young women made up false stories about me and all the repeated criticism that I had suffered and endured at the hands of my last study conductor within that cult. Eight years after I dropped out of them, I learned something about them that really made me sick to my stomach when I was watching Dateline NBC in 2002 and I heard that they hid molesters from the authorities and did little if nothing to protect their victims. It sickened me because like the victims who tearfully shared their heartbreaking stories, I also was a victim and I felt their pain. It is terrible that a loses their innocence against their will by those within a religion that are supposed to be trusted elders and leaders within their fold and also shun and kick out those for getting the proper authorities involved and again, hide the molesters and continue to sweep it under the rug. It's terrible and inexcusable. No religious group has the right nor authority to protect pedophiles in their midst, condone their behavior and willfully refuse to acknowledge that it's a major problem within their ranks. How can a religious group claim to be "the one true Christian congregation on Earth" and condemn all other sorts, according to their point of view, sexual evils, but condone pedophilia. It doesn't make any sense.
Regarding the domestic violence, it wasn't my mother and father. I was witness to the physical and emotional abuse that my sister endured at the hands of her boyfriend at the time who happens to be the father of my niece. I was witness to many beatings. I saw numerous beatings on her and also, I was the victim of his wrath as well. He would also physically and emotionally abuse me repeatedly. It was as bad as what my father did to me, only this guy would assault me with fists or anything else that he could pick up. He also would verbally emasculate me and even called me the most extreme profane names that I would never ever even think of calling my mother even if she was all those things that he called me. She did kick him out of her life and later married a man who would be the father of my nephews, but now, that marriage is also over as it ended a few years ago.
I was also the victim of bullies for the vast majority of my life growing up. Though I was a very popular guy in my last year of high school, I was the victim of bullies and also had my life threatened lots of times when I was in school, both junior and senior high schools. I almost lost my life when I was 17 when I was hit by two cars one night when a bunch of guys chased me into their path. Yes, one struck me while the other ran over me and though I did almost die as a result of all of that, I lived to talk about the ordeal and I am still alive and walking after all of that. I still feel pains in my body as a result of all of that whenever bad weather rolls around, but again, I am still alive and walking and living.
As a result of all of that, I am now suffering from erectile dysfunction(ED)mostly on a psychological basis as I do get morning erections from time to time in the wee early morning hours, but I also have a lack of sexual desire alongside the ED. I am trying to get my sexual desire back because I do want to feel sexual and also feel like a man and especially, like a human being. That is why I am here looking for something like that. I am hoping that I can succeed in finding what I am looking for and that I can get my sexual desires back where they should be. I know that there are issues that I still need to get resolved and I am still working on them and hopefully, I can feel human again when I do get my true sexual desire back.
Okay, there it all is. I have revealed everything that I promised to reveal. Please forgive the length of this blog post as I had a huge story to tell and share with all of you.
To all who read and follow, feel free to leave any comments or positive encouragement. Thanks in advance for doing so.
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This Day We Live
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Posted:Jan 11, 2012 7:16 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 11:16 pm
2220 Views
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Hello To All Of You
Today, I had an appointment with one of my counselors today. This counselor is my sexual abuse abuse support counselor. I have other counselors as well, but today, I had to see my sexual abuse support counselor. The session went as well as expected and I did get an awful lot out of the session. I simply headed for home after the meeting.
When I got home, I simply stayed home and didn't go anywhere. There was really nothing else for me to do no place else for me to go anyway.
As planned, I am going to be sharing a lot of stuff. I am still thinking about how to use the words, how to express them and also, know where and how they belong. I also want to do it in a way that will make anybody want to read and also, not to scare anyone away.
I will be sharing more and as stated, it will be personal. Again, I am just thinking of how I am going to present it.
I am still planning and I am hoping to start sharing that personal stuff soon.
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Today
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Posted:Jan 10, 2012 5:32 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 11:16 pm
2233 Views
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This is the first post that I have made in almost two months. The last time that I posted here was on Veteran's Day. I have been meaning to post on here again, but ran into some complications, which were mostly emotional, like depression and other issues. But I am back and I am hoping to once again fit in with this online community.
Another reason for me not posting here was because I also had to do some thinking on how I was going to present some of that really deep and personal stuff that I would like to share. Some of this stuff is not only deep and personal, but it is stuff that I endured and suffered while I was growing up. A lot of what I will be sharing will deal with the matters of physical and emotional abuse and sexual abuse, from which that I was a victim of all of that. They happened during numerous points of my life and none of it was pretty nor was it fun. I was used and abused for the pleasure of many people and right now, I am just looking for real male friends where I can bond with, trust in, confide in and connect with in a very affirming, healthy and authentic manner. I am hoping to meet lots of guys who I can trust to share my innermost fears and where I can share anything without being judged, called names and made to look bad. I have had my fill of so called friendships like that and I don't want any more of those types of friendships.
I still have to think about how I am going to present this stuff. I want to do it in a way where nobody gets scared off and nobody gets the wrong idea of me. It is really deep and very personal. Still, I need to hear from those who still continue to visit this blog of mine. I am hoping that it is okay for me to share. I need to hear from you all. Leave a comment or two. I look forward to sharing more. I just need to know if it is okay for me to share this very deep and personal stuff. The minute that all of you say that it is okay, I will share. Thanks.
I look forward to any comments from you all.
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To link to this blog (Frank200281) use [blog Frank200281] in your messages.
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