The ingenuity of mankind
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Posted:May 1, 2019 11:48 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2024 2:14 pm
1537 Views
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While sitting with my group in a conference room at Ft Campbell, KY waiting for a briefing prior to deployment to Iraq the subject of the briefing was "safe sex in Iraq." I'm thinking to myself "check that one off the list. It has to be an oxymoron. How is getting nookie in a warzone accomplished? Can it be accomplished? Will it be accomplished? I was concluding that no sex was safe sex." By then I had almost lost focus on what the briefing was about having lost myself in thinking how long a whole year would be, until folks started laughing. What's so funny? I missed it. It wasn't until later when we arrived in country that the puzzle pieces started coming together. Not that I was going to get any. But it was a situation of "where there is a will there is a way!" Like the night I was on guard duty in the tower and heard a noise somewhere down below. "It sounds like it, yeah, the heavy breathing and moaning. " I was really expecting to see a soldier masturbating in the weeds but what the????? He was screwing her through the 8 foot chain link security fence. It was an Iraqi woman bent over so that her ass was against the fence on her side and the soldier on his side was giving it hell! Another time while walking to the PX I passed several empty conex trailers. I heard the same sounds again but it was two different people this time. They were in the "privacy" of the conex where they couldn't readily be seen but easily heard! You can imagine how the sound reverberates in an empty steel structure 10' by 10' by 16'. I am sure there were many other cases occurring that was not witnessed. While taking my buddy to sick call one day I saw the proof. It was the bowl full of free condoms at the sick call window. It was like a mockery to my celibacy.
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I thought this was hillarious
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Posted:Feb 6, 2019 10:06 pm
Last Updated:Sep 24, 2019 6:42 am
1023 Views
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Pocahontas’ Twists Herself Into a Pretzel Trying to Her DNA Test Iowa Event
This was a title of a recent political article. I just hope she doesn't bite herself in the balls since she is balless.
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Ollie and Olga
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Posted:Dec 21, 2018 2:37 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2019 2:09 am
1089 Views
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Ollie and Olga were a young married couple that immigrated to the US from Norway, or what they referred to as "The Old Country." One day while Ollie was at work, Olga began feeling sick and went to a clinic just down the street from hers and Ollie's house. The doctor was a young man as well and was very impressed by Olga's bountiful endowment. He talked with her and asked many questions while he examined her. "I see you are from the Old Country?" "Ya, that I be!" After she removed all her clothing the doctor had her to step on the scales. "Olga I see you are a very big girl! Your weight is 220 pounds. but you are in perfect condition." "Ya, that I be..." replied the nervous girl. The doctor measured her height. "Olga you are 73 inches tall or 6 feet one inch tall." "That I be." Olga was still nervous and was wondering what the doctor was going to do or ask her about next. "So how long have you and Ollie been married?" She replied "Almost three years." Still making small talk the doctor made the statement "Olga you could play for the Green Bay Packers." Her reply "No doctor, the only packer I play wit is Ollie's."
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My Thoughts From The Garden (not to be confused with Garden Boy's thoughts)
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Posted:Dec 7, 2018 10:10 pm
Last Updated:Dec 7, 2018 10:18 pm
1565 Views
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One of the greatest debates is Evolution versus Creationism. Regardless of which belief you may hold, there are some points on both sides that will give you pause. For instance the age of the universe is estimated by evolutionists to be 14 billion having begun by the "Big Bang". One huge problem is that using computers scientists have traced the age of the universe back to the Big Bang when everything was created from a pinpoint of light. But where did that pin point come from? Since matter cannot create itself, where did it come from? Did it come from a creator? And what about the speed of light? It is supposed to be fixed at traveling 186,000 miles per second or thereabouts. Light is supposedly the fastest entity in the universe according to Albert Einstein. The closer something gets to the speed of light the smaller and heavier it becomes. Creationism estimates the age of the universe at 6,000 . Several centuries ago a monk figured the genealogical lists in the Bible starting with Adam and determined that creation is only 6,000 . I consider myself a creationist, but how do you explain fossils and the grand Canyon in such a short span of time? Not only that but the incredible amount of time (light ) it took for light to reach earth for the very first time from the most distant galaxies? In my miniscule mind it seems to me that light is not always constant, that there are other forces involved. For example a Black Hole not only draws all matter into itself so that even light cannot escape it also controls time itself. I guess the opposite of a Black Hole would be a Quasar that spews matter out of itself! Would it exponentially increase the speed of light? Anyway, getting back on track. The Good Book says that in the beginning God said "Let there be light and it was so'. Now we all know that there are several different kinds of light. The spectrum for human beings is incredibly limited when compared to other species. According to the Good Book God created all things by the 6th day and on the 7th day He rested. (Or did not create anything else.) Accordingly on the 6th day God created man from the dust of the ground and blew a breath of life into him so that he became a living soul. Later that same day God brought all of the animals that were created before Adam for him to name but also to point out to him that every animal species had an appropriate mate except for man. That is when God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep and He created a woman from one of Adam's ribs! She was actually and literally his clone. She was taken from man. The rest of humanity indirectly descended from her womb. (She is called Eve because she became the mother of all living.) She was wom (b) man. Can you imagine Adam's reaction when he first laid eyes on Eve? The first boner in human history. The Bible does not give any indication as to how long it took for them to figure out sex. I figure they learned after watching the animals. Imagine that first piece! Talking about the "shot" heard around the world!! She must have been incredibly beautiful. ( sure she was to Adam. Imagine his sex drive! It had to be powerful and plentiful to be able to establish the very first civilization.) Prior to the Great Flood mankind lived to nearly 1000 of age. The earth was shrouded in a humid canopy. There was no for rain. All of the dangerous rays of light even cosmic rays were deflected enabling mankind to live to an ancient age. After the flood the protective canopy was destroyed. Man's longevity began to diminish. It is difficult for us today to even imagine what a 900 year human would be like. Our country is less than 300 ! Look at all of the accomplishments that has happened during that short time! Now imagine what accomplishments may have been established by the pre-flood people. I suspect that most of the seemingly spectacular things that von Danikan has proposed as originating with ancient aliens actually originated with the first several generations of man prior to the flood. (Just my theory). Who knows? We may eventually someday discover evidence that early mankind actually established space flight and space exploration to the planets. When the first astronaut archeologist finds skeletal bones on the Moon or Mars and determines they are human what a hell of a government coverup will take place!! Who knows! It may have already occurred! Now allow me to blow your socks off. We have indisputable evidence that we were visited by extraterrestrials. Two thousand ago an earth woman had a by an extraterrestrial. That was as much human as extraterrestrial. She was instructed to name the Jesus! He was and still is the most incredible, most unique person in earth's history. He performed (what we call) miracles such as raising the dead to life again, changing water into wine, restoring sight to the blind, restoring health to those who had leprosy, restored the ability for some to walk again and even to give the ability to walk for those who never had that ability. He fed the multitudes with just a few pieces of bread and a few fishes. He calmed storms by merely speaking to them, walked on water, even instructed his friends who were fisherman where to cast their nets. Now even I know that in those days of using nets it wouldn't matter which side of the ship the nets were cast the same result would occur. But Jesus instructed Peter and the others after fishing all night without catching anything to cast their nets on the other side from where they were fishing. Logic says there would be no difference. Faith told them to do what Jesus said. The result was they caught so many fish the nets broke! As has happened tp others down through the annals of time, His enemies put Him to death. But 3 days after He was buried, His extraterrestrial life was given back to Him. He was able to appear to His disciples through a locked door (through the knowledge of and the ability to use quantum physics). His last appearance was ascending into the sky by a cloud (?) leaving His followers a promise of returning at the end of time to gather them (raising them from the dead like He was) and taking them to their eternal "home". As a believer in creationism I believe man has an eternal soul that was given from God. Man is not just a blob of evolved matter that when death occurs there is nothing to look forward to, that life is merely a process of brain chemistry and that there is nothing but a lifeless body to be disposed of at death. The question of mankind since the very beginning "If I die will I ever live again?"
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His First Ever Wrestling Match
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Posted:Dec 7, 2018 8:02 pm
Last Updated:Dec 7, 2018 8:05 pm
1190 Views
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Joe and Willy were the best of friends. Usually when you saw one you saw the other too. This one day they were really down on their luck. They were so broke they couldn't even buy one hamburger to half between them. They were walking down the street on Chicago Ave when they passed a gym and saw a large poster taped to the window. It said "Stay in the ring just three minutes with Pretzel Man and win $1000 dollars. Even though you will not beat him You still will win the $1000 dollars. Inquire inside." Joe and Willy's face lit up. Neither one had ever wrestled anyone in their life, But since Willy was more agile Joe told him he should wrestle Pretzel Man. He could dance around the ring and just stay out of his way for three minutes! Willy jumped at the chance. Even though they would split the money Joe would be a good cheer leader. So they both walked into the gym and consulted with the manager. They were the only ones to inquire. The manager had begun to lose hope until he saw the two dopes, I mean, subjects walk in. Pretzel Man had a big grin on his face from ear to ear because he knew he would get a handsome paycheck anyway and these two losers will just be another notch on his belt as he made quick work from the match. Willy favored Pop Eye as he strutted around the ring holding his arms up like a champion. THE BELL RANG! Pretzel Man ran towards Willy and grasped him behind the head. Before Willy could react he realized he was being stretched into a pretzel hold. He managed a quick glimpse at Joe who was holding his head in his hands crying. THE BELL RANG AGAIN. The referee ran over and grabbed Willy by the hand holding it up and declared him the winner. After Willy collected his money and began talking with Joe, Joe told him he was crying because he just knew Willy was a goner. The Pretzel Man almost had him in the special hold and that was when Joe hid his head. Then he asked Willy "What happened?" Willy told him about the last few seconds of the match when he thought he was about to die. "I was almost dead when I looked up and saw this huge set of balls right in my face. I didn't hesitate....You know Joe, a man can do just about anything when he bites himself in the balls!!"
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His First Ever Wrestling Match
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Posted:Dec 7, 2018 8:00 pm
Last Updated:Jun 9, 2020 11:18 pm
1246 Views
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Joe and Willy were the best of friends. Usually when you saw one you saw the other too. This one day they were really down on their luck. They were so broke they couldn't even buy one hamburger to half between them. They were walking down the street on Chicago Ave when they passed a gym and saw a large poster taped to the window. It said "Stay in the ring just three minutes with Pretzel Man and win $1000 dollars. Even though you will not beat him You still will win the $1000 dollars. Inquire inside." Joe and Willy's face lit up. Neither one had ever wrestled anyone in their life, But since Willy was more agile Joe told him he should wrestle Pretzel Man. He could dance around the ring and just stay out of his way for three minutes! Willy jumped at the chance. Even though they would slit the money Joe would be a good cheer leader. So they both walked into the gym and consulted with the manager. They were the only ones to inquire. The manager had begun to lose hope until he saw the two dopes, I mean, subjects walk in. Pretzel Man had a big grin on his face from ear to ear because he knew he would get a handsome paycheck anyway and these two losers will just be another notch on his belt as he made quick work from the match. Willy favored Pop Eye as he strutted around the ring holding his arms up like a champion. THE BELL RANG! Pretzel Man ran towards Willy and grasped him behind the head. Before Willy could react he realized he was being stretched into a pretzel hold. He managed a quick glimpse at Joe who was holding his head in his hands crying. THE BELL RANG AGAIN. The referee ran over and grabbed Willy by the hand holding it up and declared him the winner. After Willy collected his money and began talking with Joe, Joe told him he was crying because he just knew Willy was a goner. The Pretzel Man almost had him in the special hold and that was when Joe hid his head. Then he asked Willy "What happened?" Willy told him about the last few seconds of the match when he thought he was about to die. "I was almost dead when I looked up and saw this huge set of balls right in my face. I didn't hesitate....You know Joe, a man can do just about anything when he bites himself in the balls!!"
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Sex in Space
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Posted:Jul 9, 2018 10:14 pm
Last Updated:Jul 20, 2018 1:47 am
1202 Views
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A couple of ago on a site very similar to this one I wrote an entry about a science documentary on space, space travel, and the International Space Station. The subject of sex in space was mentioned. At that time it was referred to as something not happened yet. But on another documentary later on it was updated. Two astronauts have indeed tried it. Both had to anchor against something to prevent flying away from one another. It was described as being very similar to making out in a swimming pool. But there was one big difference. Without being anchored you could float into a public area to the chagrin of the others ("How'd you get so lucky?") Another danger is shooting your juice in a big floating wad that may hit someone in the face when they least expected it. I guess one could hang a space suit glove on a door somehow or a piece of ribbon with the door shut on it to warn others from floating in on you. Imagine your condom (if you are a male) accidently removing itself from the friction and floats away somewhere. Back to the discussion about sex in space. It would have been extremely difficult to have sex in a Gemini capsule (too small-no leg room-telemetry can be seen by mission control.) "Gemini this is Houston...what are you guys doing up there? Your heart rate and respirations are pinging off the wall..." The Apollo capsule wouldn't be much better for the same reason. The shuttle has a little more room but it is too damn crowded, too many in the audience. The space station is when it finally happened. Two souls managed to find some free time and a secluded area and "Bow chicka mow mow!"
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Fred's Demise
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Posted:Jun 30, 2018 1:45 pm
Last Updated:Dec 7, 2018 7:34 pm
1234 Views
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Fred had a bad habit of eating his dog's food and had been doing so for a number of years. Since he and his wife, Gladys, were getting on up in years she became worried that the food might create an intestinal problem not to mention the psychological and social impact of a human consuming a dog's food. She made a doctor's appointment to find out if it was safe and if it had caused any harm to her husband. She was instructed to bring a can of the food with her husband to the appointment. The appointment day finally arrived and after examining Fred and reading the ingredients on the food label he concluded that there was nothing in the food that would cause any harm and actually might help him. A few months later Gladys was walking down the street when she bumped into the doctor. He recognized her and immediately asked about Fred. "Oh, Fred died a month ago" she said. The doctor replied, "I am so sorry. Surely it wasn't the food?" "No, the poor dear was lying in the driveway licking his prick when I accidently backed over him!"
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To link to this blog (Magnum6945) use [blog Magnum6945] in your messages.
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