I want to eat my life
|
Posted:Jun 18, 2021 3:53 pm
Last Updated:Jun 19, 2021 6:56 am
7565 Views
|
I want eat my life —Olga Broumas, "If I Yes", Gift of Tongues
I want to eat my life written June th, 2021
I me, us, we he, she, they singular plural all of us all of me. I
want that aching sensual word not the bare factualness of need something born in the soul it takes hope want and incredible bravery. I want
eat slowly like little bites of chocolate then voraciously like melting ice cream all of it - every last bite because it is my favorite thing in the world. I want eat
my mine - not borrowed - not shared - not apologized for - not stolen - not ashamed of - not asked for - begged for - pleaded for mine. I want to eat my
life I want to love it - build it - want it - claim it - live it fully from top to bottom and side to side every inch of it known, explored and claimed. I want to eat my life.
|
|
8
Comments
|
|
Survival of the fittest
|
Posted:Jun 3, 2021 4:55 pm
Last Updated:Jun 19, 2021 6:57 am
8358 Views
|
Survival of the fittest written October th, 2020
Survival of the fittest. What does that mean? Fit for what?
Fit for keeping a multitude of shameful secrets?
Fit for being able fill multiple mutually exclusive roles?
Fit for loving the ones who hurt you over and over?
Fit for hiding in plain sight?
So you survive and you are so good at being invisible that nobody can see you.
You love passionately moments from the past and books from the present.
You are a multitude but none is complete or known by the world.
You hold the secrets inside of you until you are the only one that remembers them.
None of these skills help you in the real world.
Sometimes the result
isn't survival of the fittest
but just survival of those that survive.
______________________ I usually include thoughts about writing the poem, but I think commenting is broken, so here are my thoughts: I have written myself out of life for so long, and erased myself even from my own poems. Here is another one that has been sitting in my notebook for so long. I don't know if posting it brings some resolution, or if now I will just need write this poem again. I have heard that healing is a spiral. Perhaps the next version of this poem, will be more complete.
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
Time reveals
|
Posted:Jun 2, 2021 7:10 am
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2021 3:47 pm
9026 Views
|
Time reveals written May 25th, 2021
Time gradually reveals treasures dear lines of poetry flows of water buds on the tree
they feed the soul if patience perseveres polishing raw painful shards until they crack open revealing glorious brilliance that shines briefly
time dearest just another day another second hold on for time to reveal her treasures.
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
For you I would build
|
Posted:Jun 1, 2021 12:23 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2021 6:51 am
8099 Views
|
For you I would build written May 9th, 2021
If I could build a life if I was that kind of architect I'd build days filled with sun soft colors - soft light - soft surfaces
you would always have shelter and never be cold your nightlight would be the steady stars in the sky
your world would be filled with food music and books to help you grow healthy and strong nourished with delight
I'd be every kind of person to hold you to make you laugh to inspire you with wonders so you are never alone
I would build this if I could for you ___
I whisper to you you are safe always just be brave and whisper back if there is anything you want
I would pull down a star for you plant a tree in the middle of your room inhabit it with koalas make an oasis in the desert a bridge across the ocean (I am an engineer - and so - you are also)
Each day I try to face my fears for us
I live waiting to hear your voice to know you feel safe enough to want.
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
I want to go home (ptsd related poem)
|
Posted:May 30, 2021 7:40 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2021 5:46 am
8289 Views
|
I want to go home started April 7th, 2020
I sit in a corner a small and cry, saying: I want to go home.
I have a lovely safe home but I'm not sure I always live here. I want to go home.
What does 2020 or Atlanta mean? Sometimes it feels like they have no context. I want to go home.
My first definition of home was built of opposites: comfort-pain violate-nurture shaping-shattering love-hurt.
When everything is tainted what is left? What is the opposite of everything? Nothing? I want to go home.
I cry for a home that was my everything and that was also no home. I want to go home.
I learn how to breath over and over again trying recognize - redefine - repair. I want to go home.
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
I want to know why? (ptsd related poem)
|
Posted:May 30, 2021 6:38 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2021 5:47 am
7827 Views
|
I want to know why? written March 31st, 2021
I want to know why you had to do the things you did.
I know you hated yourself and everything about your world and I know you loved me.
I know there were generations of alcoholism and abuse. Nobody told me, but I know.
I want to know why I have to live like this the chaos and fracturing inside on these bad days.
I want to know why there isn't any answer no balm or salve to sooth this rampant infection in me.
I want to know why it has to be this way.
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
Some songs have no name
|
Posted:May 30, 2021 4:19 am
Last Updated:May 31, 2021 12:49 pm
7959 Views
|
Some songs have no name written October 19th, 2020
I come back to the same theme of pain and the past manifesting in my present.
I have tried ignoring them. I have tried fighting them. I have sought therapists and seers who teach me new ways to battle, but what I fight and avoid just seems to get stronger.
Forgive they say. I WILL NOT say it was ok tell you to go peacefully to your death with no stain on your conscience.
I try living with the demons and memories the hurt and betrayal where there should have been safety and comfort.
Will I die an lady one day still crying and hiding? Will I find a peace of my own? Can origami cranes and butterflies fill my skies?
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
Lamentation
|
Posted:May 29, 2021 7:41 am
Last Updated:May 30, 2021 3:37 am
7557 Views
|
Lamentation written May 25th, 2021
I want to weep for all those lost
I rend my garments for those without hope
I tear at my hair for those in pain now
I bow my head for those who will hurt (which is all of us)
my lamentation sings out so they know they are not alone
my words rise up as my tears spill down onto the page
let my tears - this lamentation purchase a moment of relief from the gods for the lost, without hope hurting and in pain
the gift of one deep sweet breath filled with peace.
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
Are you like me?
|
Posted:May 26, 2021 2:11 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2021 4:54 pm
7224 Views
|
Can someone just hold me? Don't fix me, don't try to change me Can someone just know me? 'Cause underneath, I'm broken and it's beautiful —"Broken & Beautiful", Sung by Kelly Clarkson. Written by Steve Mac, John Mcdaid, Alecia B Moore, Marshmello
Are you like me? written May 25th, 2021
I look for reflections of myself in the world that aren't apologies or clinical definitions of hurt more than an easy cliche in a song but it is a start.
I listen to songs read books and poems watch tv shows and movies, when I see a hint of familiarity I get so damned excited "Are you like me?!? No? Sorry, my bad."
So I keep looking trying to be brave making expeditions into the world while holding close the book I find the people I know and knew who know me.
I don't tell anyone what I am looking for leaving it up to chance hoping that fate will bump us together long enough to find out
Are you like me? __________________ Thoughts about this poem: That song bothers me a bit. I would never create something that was broken intentionally. It's far from an ideal way to live life, but since I am this way, I need to find the beauty in it. I need to find people who can hold me and know me. Go listen to the Kelly Clarkson song. The depth of her voice makes that song.
Of course I love so many people who aren't like me, and there are people who know me who aren't like me, but I want to see myself somewhere in the world. Thank you to the artists who write themselves for the world to see.
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Written on my soul
|
Posted:May 23, 2021 4:18 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2021 5:18 pm
7449 Views
|
Written on my soul written May th, 2021
Some poems are written with pen and paper in the light of day.
Other poems are written on my soul when the night is so thick no light will pierce it.
They all come from the same place and must be written either easily or through hard labor with trembling and tears ink the color of blood waiting for dawn reveal what was written the night before.
Often I am scared look and fold it away look at another day when I am feeling stronger.
What was written on your soul last night?
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
Still Night
|
Posted:May 22, 2021 9:35 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2021 2:06 pm
6896 Views
|
Still Night written May th, 2021
The stillness of dark night surrounds me swallowing the light suspending animation sinisterly whispering stealing my breath stifling me
and I wonder how long will it be still night.
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
I wait
|
Posted:May 21, 2021 7:16 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2021 5:50 pm
6935 Views
|
I wait written May 9th, 2021
I wait for the sun rise so I can see if the trees still reside outside.
I wait for those who slumber to wake so there is the possibility of . . . ?
I wait to know the question so I can search for the answer.
I wait to find the key that makes it all make sense.
I wait for the tears to start? to stop? to know why I cry.
I wait for daylight so I can cultivate something other than silence.
I watch my cats sleep in the middle of the night and I wait.
|
|
6
Comments
|
|
The halls of my mind
|
Posted:May 20, 2021 4:23 am
Last Updated:May 21, 2021 12:43 pm
7295 Views
|
The halls of my mind written April 6th, 2021
I spend my time walking the halls of my mind.
Parts are like an Escher drawing with stairs that go everywhere and nowhere.
I take a set of stairs that leads a spiral circling inward never reaching the center.
Until my next step almost takes over the cliff at the outermost edge.
Sometimes I sit that edge of the world looking out at the neighboring universes and wonder about wings.
Eventually I turn back down a long unbroken hallway which is as long as my life and continue walking these halls that are my world.
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (senfully) use [blog senfully] in your messages.
|
|
Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
|
|
|
|
|
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
301
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
|
|