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How Long Has It Been
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How Long Has It Been My apologies for not being as regular as I want to be, but I have been so busy with life and work. I work as a janitor for a local drug/alcohol rehab facility and it is a pretty hard, but wonderful job. The people, both staff and , like me and enjoy the job that I've been doing. I have been there since late April of this year and it's been good. Okay, now to business. In my last post, I revealed that I was a part of a religious cult when I was very young in my early 20's. This religious cult, known as the Jehovah's Witnesses, (JW's), taught me that sexual activity should be had only within marriage and used strictly for reproductive purposes only. During my brief year involvement, I was repeatedly criticized by my last study conductor. I was also the victim of lies by a few young ladies who made up untrue stories about me to the elders and though I continued to plead my innocence and that I didn't do any of the things they accused me of, they took the word of the lying young ladies over mine. All of this religious abuse really messed me up and after I did drop out when those were over, I still couldn't say yes as I always kept saying the impulsive "NO!" when it came to anything sexual. I was always asked to have sex, but kept saying "NO!" to the offers. My guy friends wanted to get me laid and have me get some, but I also said "NO!" to them as well. I realize now that I was selfish not wanting to say yes, especially when my real guy friends wanted to me, but later on, as a result of my selfishness, I lost them and never got from them anymore for a time. Nowadays, they are all married with families and though I'm happy for them, I hate myself for the selfishness that I had by inexcusably refusing them and their offers. I also realized that this particular religious cult hides behind their religion to try and hide the fear that they have for themselves and their bodies. They also take narcissism to the limits as they always make sure that they always have the upper hand in any arguments or disagreements they have with people, be it in their fold or out in the world when they try to shove (for lack of a better world) their man-made doctrinal rubbish on others and emotionally manipulate them into believing these things and while doing that, make your decisions for you and make you think, in their own way using that tactic of emotional manipulation, that you're making the decisions yourself and then, they can brainwash that person into believing that they are and have "THE Truth", and there is no other. I was a victim and that stinks. I am still in recovery from their baly and haven't fully recovered yet. I have been out for 23 , but until 2002, I always held onto the point of "What if they're right?" for a long time after that. That is, until 2002, when I learned on a Dateline NBC expose that year about their ineffective ways of handling sex abuse cases. On corner of their mouths, the JW's teach that sexual relations out of wedlock is wrong and sinful, alongside Homosexuality (including bisexuality and lesbianism), bestiality, oral sex (including between married people), anal sex and many other types of sexual things, but yet, they cond pedophilia, which is the sexual activity with young . They actually hide these perverted types and protect them from authorities, but do little if nothing to their victims. I have met many in other EX-JW groups on Facebook who were victims of this and their molesters were not turned over to the proper authorities, but chose to "leave it in God's hands" and the problem would take care of itself and plus, they also have a rule where " witnesses" have to see the evil taking place. This is terrible. I feel for these victims because I too was a victim of sexual abuse in my own right and I feel their pain and feel their sadness and anger as I also have these same things. I would never even think of doing that to a as are not sexual beings at their real young ages. Granted, many do like to explore other's bodies and games like "show me yours, I'll show you mine" type and I did do this as a myself, but my experiences of being abused sexually happened a little later and it also contributed to my being messed up and the worst part was that the sexual abuse by other males. No religious group of any kind is "THE Truth" if they cond this sort of thing and do little to their real young victims, which are their own . Plus, no deserves to be abused in any way, shape or form. abuse of any kind is inexcusable. abuse messes up and causes wounds and pain that may take a long time to heal and at times, many don't get fully healed and they live with their pain, wounds and worse, the shame for the rest of their lives. I am still living with these things and again, I still haven't fully recovered from either the religious abuse and the sexual abuse. If JW's do come to your door or try to preach to you on the street, don't open your door to them and also, tell them to take a walk if it's a street experience. I don't want any to become victims of them like I was. I also did seek advice from these EX-JW's who I communicate with regularly on Facebook. told me that I was still ared and that, though she meant it nicely, go to a brothel and get it over with. The thing is that there is no brothel in my hometown of Niagara Falls, NY, and even there was , I wouldn't have the as that is pretty expensive nowadays. Plus, the high risk of AIDS and HIV is also a factor. I am still a virginal male at my age of 47 and I know that I can stay a virgin forever,but I do have psychological erectile dysfunction and hardly any desires as I feel that my sexual desires have died or maybe they're asleep and need to be reawakened. I don't know how to do that and nobody has offered any real advice. I would love to feel sexual desires for women and have the desires like any normal guy has for them. I simply need advice and any advice by y'all here will be welcomed. Thanks very much in advance. I am sick of being in this terrible rut and yearning to want to, but not being able to. Again, all advice of all sorts is welcomed. Thanks again. Will write more when I can. Ta Ta for now. |
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